Letting go is the hardest part...

[superuntouchable]

After 7 years of marriage, my wife and I have agreed to call it quits. Its bittersweet because I'm glad the dysfunctional nonsense will finally cease, butmy daughters will have to suffer because they won't be around both of their parents as much. I just bought a house 2 years ago, I'm giving it up andthat support is gong to hit me for 700 easy. I've been with my soon to be ex wife since I was 19 (I'm 27 now) so I pretty much never got a chance toexperience life for myself as an adult; the change is exciting, scary, and saddening all at the same time. I'm most worried about my girls (ages 6, 2, 2mos), how they are going to take it and the emotional stress that this whole evolution will cause them. I never lived with my parents so I never experienced adivorce as a child or as an adult for that matter. Any of you who have been through anything like this as an adult or child any advice? Recommendations?I'm going crazy over here.

 

[awash242]

 

[jetpacunlimited]

Sorry bro bro

 

[mrmoneyindabank]

I'm not gonna front, I think that parents that get divorced when young children are involved are selfish. The children deserve better than that. Once youhave a child its your responsibility as a parent to put the best interests of your kids before whats best for you. I'm sure there are people that don'tagree but I've seen what divorce does to young children. I'm not knocking you for wanting to be happy, I just think you need to put yourself in thekids shoes.

 

[million dollar stacks]

 

[classy freshman]

Wow. Honestly if I was in your postion, I would have just stayed with her and cheated. I mean if she is going to hit you for support anyway, you might as wellfront and try to make it work until you get caught. Nah, disregard my last statement. if you are alone at least you will have peace of mind knowing the bs isover. Not being with your children will definitely hurt though.

Good luck.

 

[mangudai954]

Damn cuz..

 

[superuntouchable]

Is constant fighting and friction good for the kids? Its selfish to stay in an unhealthy relationship for the kids imho...

 

[lifelessons]

2 mos
damn so you all just had another child...

 

[classy freshman]

Originally Posted by superuntouchable

Is constant fighting and friction good for the kids? Its selfish to stay in an unhealthy relationship for the kids imho...

I mean you are going to have friction in every relationship. They are hard work. But if you get to the point where you both are unwilling to compromise, it isprobrably best to let go.

 

[ninjallamafromhell]

I didn't take my parents divorce well

 

[diego]

Originally Posted by MrMoneyInDaBank

I'm not gonna front, I think that parents that get divorced when young children are involved are selfish. The children deserve better than that. Once you have a child its your responsibility as a parent to put the best interests of your kids before whats best for you. I'm sure there are people that don't agree but I've seen what divorce does to young children. I'm not knocking you for wanting to be happy, I just think you need to put yourself in the kids shoes.

What good is it for the kids if they live in a house hold where they are exposed to constant arguing? Or to live in a place full of tension?
How can they make the kids happy if the parents are miserable?
To the OP, just be as involved as much as you can with your daughters. Dont just pay for child support, but be there for them while they grow up.
A civil relationship with your soon to be ex wife would also go along way.
Good luck.

 

[kidufc]

your children will turn out fine.

i mean ive turned out ok.

was/is NT the reason?

 

[superuntouchable]

Originally Posted by LifeLessons

2 mos

damn so you all just had another child...

Trying to make it work and play like we love each other.... I don't regret my baby tho

 

[yep617]

Originally Posted by MrMoneyInDaBank

I'm not gonna front, I think that parents that get divorced when young children are involved are selfish. The children deserve better than that. Once you have a child its your responsibility as a parent to put the best interests of your kids before whats best for you. I'm sure there are people that don't agree but I've seen what divorce does to young children. I'm not knocking you for wanting to be happy, I just think you need to put yourself in the kids shoes.

I see what youre saying, but i think its just as important for children to have happy parents and not grow up in a dysfunctional (op's wordnot mine) environment. Divorce or separation can work as long as both parents communicate and stay focused on the children and not one upping or slighting theother.

 

[njstress03]

when the time comes that you arent living with your wife and children, make sure you give your children as much atenttion as humanly possible. at 1st it willbe easier because you will be single, your ex will be single but keep in mind there will also be a time when you will find a new spouse and so will she. atthat point in time u must remember to keep this up because it will become more crucial. i am only saying this because i went thru my folks separating and thisis what i found to be our biggest issues. also try to be as civil with your ex as possible especially in front of the kids. hope it works out for the bestdude, good luck.

 

[blackmagnus514]

I'm sorry b.

This is my worst fear (along with catching the ogre)

Support sucks.

I dont think I'm getting married.................

 

[kidufc]

oh if forgot to ask for PICS.. just in case shes looking for a rebound.

 

[lilstarz07]

you sir, are trippin ... yall can just stay in seperate rooms in that house that you are giving up and not give the house up or pay child support ... i believeany situation that isnt abusive cant be managed

 

[kidufc]

Originally Posted by blackmagnus514

I'm sorry b.

This is my worst fear (along with catching the ogre)

Support sucks.

I dont think I'm getting married.................

married or not, if you have a kid with someone that is yours, youll pay support no matter what.. am i wrong?

 

[superuntouchable]

Originally Posted by LilStarZ07

you sir, are trippin ... yall can just stay in seperate rooms in that house that you are giving up and not give the house up or pay child support ... i dont believe any situation that isnt abusive cant be managed

She tried to stab me yesterday, not once but twice in front of my daughters..... I'm trippin?

 

[mrmoneyindabank]

Originally Posted by Diego

Originally Posted by MrMoneyInDaBank

I'm not gonna front, I think that parents that get divorced when young children are involved are selfish. The children deserve better than that. Once you have a child its your responsibility as a parent to put the best interests of your kids before whats best for you. I'm sure there are people that don't agree but I've seen what divorce does to young children. I'm not knocking you for wanting to be happy, I just think you need to put yourself in the kids shoes.

What good is it for the kids if they live in a house hold where they are exposed to constant arguing? Or to live in a place full of tension?
How can they make the kids happy if the parents are miserable?
To the OP, just be as involved as much as you can with your daughters. Dont just pay for child support, but be there for them while they grow up.
A civil relationship with your soon to be ex wife would also go along way.
Good luck.

They don't have to be together. They can see other people on the side if they choose too.

Being in a nuclear family has a positive effect on children. They don't have to keep it up forever, but at 2 years old a kid needs that.

Is it better for the kid to be around mommy, daddy, mommys man, daddys shorty? You explain that to a 2 year old. Better you come up with an answer when his 6year old asks why daddy is kissing another woman and not mommy?

 

[blackmagnus514]

Nah...you're right

I was talking about the divorce/then support.

Im a product of it except that my parents still separated but my pops does him.

Just please be a good father to your daughters. When they hit their teen years they'll need it more than any other time.

 

[diego]

Originally Posted by MrMoneyInDaBank

Originally Posted by Diego

Originally Posted by MrMoneyInDaBank

I'm not gonna front, I think that parents that get divorced when young children are involved are selfish. The children deserve better than that. Once you have a child its your responsibility as a parent to put the best interests of your kids before whats best for you. I'm sure there are people that don't agree but I've seen what divorce does to young children. I'm not knocking you for wanting to be happy, I just think you need to put yourself in the kids shoes.

What good is it for the kids if they live in a house hold where they are exposed to constant arguing? Or to live in a place full of tension?
How can they make the kids happy if the parents are miserable?
To the OP, just be as involved as much as you can with your daughters. Dont just pay for child support, but be there for them while they grow up.
A civil relationship with your soon to be ex wife would also go along way.
Good luck.

They don't have to be together. They can see other people on the side if they choose too.

Being in a nuclear family has a positive effect on children. They don't have to keep it up forever, but at 2 years old a kid needs that.

Is it better for the kid to be around mommy, daddy, mommys man, daddys shorty? You explain that to a 2 year old. Better you come up with an answer when his 6 year old asks why daddy is kissing another woman and not mommy?

So if they stay in the same house will they not also be seeing different people?
Family dinners will be great when there are 2 mommies and 2 daddies.
Better his 6 year old asked why daddy is kissing another woman than ask why is mommy putting that knife to daddys chest.

 

[superuntouchable]

Originally Posted by MrMoneyInDaBank

Originally Posted by Diego

Originally Posted by MrMoneyInDaBank

I'm not gonna front, I think that parents that get divorced when young children are involved are selfish. The children deserve better than that. Once you have a child its your responsibility as a parent to put the best interests of your kids before whats best for you. I'm sure there are people that don't agree but I've seen what divorce does to young children. I'm not knocking you for wanting to be happy, I just think you need to put yourself in the kids shoes.

What good is it for the kids if they live in a house hold where they are exposed to constant arguing? Or to live in a place full of tension?
How can they make the kids happy if the parents are miserable?
To the OP, just be as involved as much as you can with your daughters. Dont just pay for child support, but be there for them while they grow up.
A civil relationship with your soon to be ex wife would also go along way.
Good luck.

They don't have to be together. They can see other people on the side if they choose too.

Being in a nuclear family has a positive effect on children. They don't have to keep it up forever, but at 2 years old a kid needs that.

Is it better for the kid to be around mommy, daddy, mommys man, daddys shorty? You explain that to a 2 year old. Better you come up with an answer when his 6 year old asks why daddy is kissing another woman and not mommy?

Yeah, she won't ask that question because it's not going down in front of her. My children are the most important thing to me in theWORLD, they are the reason that I stuck around for the last 4 years. This didn't just pop up all of a sudden, I have tried repeatedly to make therelationship work to no avail. The problems in the house are/were already affecting my children, staying in the marriage is not healthy for any of the partiesinvolved at this point. It would just be even worse if I stayed.