Modern Love (NY Times)

[dwyanewadeog]

This article came out in 2008 but just read it for the first time last week. Really elucidated a lot of my feelings towards women and dating in this modern world and figured some of you would enjoy the insight the author brings to this issue. 
http://www.nytimes.com/20...08love.html?pagewanted=2

MODERN LOVE
[h1]Let’s Not Get to Know Each Other Better[/h1]
By JOEL WALKOWSKI

Published: June 8, 2008

A FEW months ago I liked a girl — a fairly common occurrence. But being slightly ambitious and drunk, I decided to ask her out on a date.

[img]http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2008/06/08/fashion/08love.1901.jpg[/img]
Christopher Silas Neal
http://
This was a weird choice, as I’m not sure I know anyone who has ever had a real date. Most elect to hang out, hook up, or Skype long-distance relations. The idea of a date (asking in advance, spending rent money on dinner and dealing with the initial awkwardness) is far too concrete and unnecessary. As the adage goes: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Why pay for dinner if you can sit around watching TV? If you stay at home, you hardly even need to stand up, let alone put on a nice shirt.

Despite misgivings, this particular foray felt legitimate, a coming-of-age moment straight out of a John Hughes movie. I had always wanted to go on a real date: flowers, dinner and all that. I thought that maybe in doing so I would feel more like an adult and less like a dumb little boy.

So I called this girl, feeling a little sleazy as I searched for the right words: “Hey, um, this is Joel. Do you want to, like, go out? On a date?

 

[hankmoody]

I thought you were talking about this one: http://www.nytimes.com/20...love.html?ref=modernlove
(hard to get is attractive)

It's a regular column, btw. http://topics.nytimes.com...ns/modernlove/index.html

 

[speakup23]

I was lost until this part

But I do occasionally wonder: If we can’t get past ourselves and learn to sacrifice to be with another, then what is in store? A generation of selfish go-getters fueled by nothing more than our own egos, forever seeking that rare dose of self-esteem? An era of loneliness filled with commercial wants and mate selection based on the shallowest of criteria?

As a staunch proponent of my generation, I believe that, despite what it may seem, we appreciate the ways of love and affection but are simply waiting for them to take over. We might dally in the land of easy sex and stilted text-message flirtation, but deep down we crave the warm embrace of all-consuming love.


Idk thats the only thing that stood out to me. Other than that, I have no clue how to respond to that article.

 

[troymcclure]

Great article and column. Maybe i'll write one.

 

[dwyanewadeog]

Originally Posted by SpeakUp23

I was lost until this part

But I do occasionally wonder: If we can’t get past ourselves and learn to sacrifice to be with another, then what is in store? A generation of selfish go-getters fueled by nothing more than our own egos, forever seeking that rare dose of self-esteem? An era of loneliness filled with commercial wants and mate selection based on the shallowest of criteria?

As a staunch proponent of my generation, I believe that, despite what it may seem, we appreciate the ways of love and affection but are simply waiting for them to take over. We might dally in the land of easy sex and stilted text-message flirtation, but deep down we crave the warm embrace of all-consuming love.

Idk thats the only thing that stood out to me. Other than that, I have no clue how to respond to that article.


What I took from the article was the juxtaposition of how interacting with the opposite sex used to be 10, 20, 30 years ago with contemporary times. 
Back in the day everything was incredibly upfront. You called/visited a girl, asked her on a date, and saw how it went from there. I feel like now we find ourselves tiptoeing around the issue of intent with text messages, hanging out but not calling it a "date", and essentially avoiding the obvious. That is captured in the article when the author states that "casual is sexy".

I have noticed this myself with girls who are reluctant to pick up a phone call and prefer to only communicate via text/facebook.

Take a peek back through the article and I think you'll see another level of what the author is getting at.

 

[bogusreality]

Originally Posted by TroyMcClure

Great article and column. Maybe i'll write one.

yeah, me too. but it is the times. i don't know if i can hang.

 

[troymcclure]

I wrote one real quick. Just a reflection of what I see in the society of singles.
     It is on it’s way here, I can tell. So...run? Right? Run, fast. 

Outside, the temperature is declining, the wind cries and begins to mourn as the sun drifts further and further away. We had it, for awhile..so we thought. The night deepens and holds you firm in it’s grasp, while your mattress refuses to hold you anymore at all. We seek something to keep us warm. The seasonal patterns sometimes decide to coincide with those of our minds. This year, especially.

I do not fear the fall weather, or even the winter weather for that fact. Every year around this time you will log into your social networking outlet and the chances are someone will discuss how joyful this “cuddling weather

 

[quik1987]

Will read later

 

[pookdogg]

Originally Posted by quik1987

Will read later

this

 

[thaisativa1]

Originally Posted by TroyMcClure

I wrote one real quick. Just a reflection of what I see in the society of singles.



     It is on it’s way here, I can tell. So...run? Right? Run, fast. 

Outside, the temperature is declining, the wind cries and begins to mourn as the sun drifts further and further away. We had it, for awhile..so we thought. The night deepens and holds you firm in it’s grasp, while your mattress refuses to hold you anymore at all. We seek something to keep us warm. The seasonal patterns sometimes decide to coincide with those of our minds. This year, especially.

I do not fear the fall weather, or even the winter weather for that fact. Every year around this time you will log into your social networking outlet and the chances are someone will discuss how joyful this “cuddling weather

 

[balloonoboy]

It's weird how even that article is dated.

With the advent of Twitter, along with other social networking sites, and even more recently the "find my friends" geo-location app on smartphones, dating, in the traditional sense, is even more a thing of the past.

The allure of the unknown and anticipation of what the relationship may or may not hold is also virtually non-existent. The feelings aren't allowed to cultivate and incubate because you can virtually know a potential hookups every feeling, thought, temperament, and how they react and interact to certain people and situations. (Technology you scary).

This can be seen as a good thing as it allows us to weed out the bad, but with our extremely unrealistic expectations (again, a testament to the times, as we can see "perfection" via re-tweets, shares on facebook, up-to-the minute postings on media sites) it's hard to settle. Let alone begin to look deep into the recesses of their being.

Our generation actually has it good. We know what it is to date traditionally and also what it means to send a "can I hit it loser" message for some easy tang. But we still fall into the traps we know we should avoid, but who can blame us. Most of us just want to get our **** wet. Love, modern or traditional, is out of the question.

Still and all, we as humans are able to adapt. To which end, we should still be able to find love or companionship (after finding that what we want out of life is a fleeting want that does not even begin sastify the spectrum of needs that we so dearly want to quench). Hopefully, insecurity and paranoia isn't lurking in the background waiting to troll us.