My Brother Is Getting Married Today and I Don't Know How to Feel

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Hey NT, my brother's getting married later today. She's great and they're in love, but I can't help but feel that things are one-sided and my family definitely feels the same.

Despite getting engaged just a few months ago, the whole wedding process is getting expediated due to circumstances with her and her family. While they are getting married today, his bachelor party is later this year and the actual ceremony itself with extended family and friends is at the end of the year. The reason for this is apparently that she doesn't like her new stepdad who'll be moving in to her mom's house (where she lives). I know next to nothing about him so unsure why or how bad it actually is. Because she's Muslim, she's also not allowed to live with my brother until they're married, hence this fast wedding so they can live together and she can be out of her mom's house.

Because of how quickly this is going, details aren't very planned out. It initially was supposed to be a courthouse trip to sign papers and a dinner with immediate family afterwards, but very recently it's now an "approved" wedding and an Imam will preside over a quick 10 minute ceremony. My brother told me I don't even need to go to the brief ceremony at the mosque. I just now got texts from my parents yesterday about updated plans for today and they apologized saying how mum details have been for them. What caught me really off-guard is how my brother's fiancé told my mom about errands I'd be doing (which I don't mind doing to be clear) and the way she said it was as if we actually discussed this beforehand. We hadn't.

To top it all off, while it seems like a majority of all of this is being driven by her (and her family?), I heard her family isn't or is barely contributing financially to any of this so it'll be funded by my family. Seems off to me that her side is calling all the shots while we take care of it. He doesn't mind and I don't mind, but my brother had to convert to Islam to even get the ball rolling on all this. Not that it's a big deal but because of it there will be no church ceremony and also no alcohol at dinner tonight or the big ceremony at the end of the year. Just feels like my brother and family are having to take a lot of steps to get things right for her and her family.

What do you guys think?



Cliffs:
-My brother got engaged a few months ago and is already getting married
-Everything is being expediated because she doesn't want to live with her new stepdad and can't live with my brother until marriage
-His bachelor party and the actual ceremony with extended family isn't until later this year
-Her (and her family?) are calling almost all the shots yet apparently are barely funding anything, if at all
-Details are very mum and my family feels kept in the dark
-Things are happening so fast that it's just now hitting me, but it's not hitting me the way it "should" because it feels off/forced
 
Last edited:

aepps20

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In all reality you are right to have concerns and you should express them at the appropriate time, but at the end of the day your brother will do what he feels is best. There are many times in life that you won't agree with or even like decisions our loved ones make. All you can do is express your feelings at the appropriate time and keep things moving. The worst thing you can do is involve yourself too heavily in your brother's relationship because that can and often does result in arguments and you being put in their relationship which is all bad.
 
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If you made a thread about this for random peoples advice it must really be bothering you.
You did the right thing coming here op.

She's definitely using your brother as well as your family.
I'd tell him to call it off immediately to prevent any emotional or financial damage in the future.
Too many red flags.

Tell him as soon as possible.
 
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Hey NT, my brother's getting married later today. She's great and they're in love, but I can't help but feel that things are one-sided and my family definitely feels the same.

Despite getting engaged just a few months ago, the whole wedding process is getting expediated due to circumstances with her and her family. While they are getting married today, his bachelor party is later this year and the actual ceremony itself with extended family and friends is at the end of the year. The reason for this is apparently that she doesn't like her new stepdad who'll be moving in to her mom's house (where she lives). I know next to nothing about him so unsure why or how bad it actually is. Because she's Muslim, she's also not allowed to live with my brother until they're married, hence this fast wedding so they can live together and she can be out of her mom's house.

Because of how quickly this is going, details aren't very planned out. It initially was supposed to be a courthouse trip to sign papers and a dinner with immediate family afterwards, but very recently it's now an "approved" wedding and an Imam will preside over a quick 10 minute ceremony. My brother told me I don't even need to go to the brief ceremony at the mosque. I just now got texts from my parents yesterday about updated plans for today and they apologized saying how mum details have been for them. What caught me really off-guard is how my brother's fiancé told my mom about errands I'd be doing (which I don't mind doing to be clear) and the way she said it was as if we actually discussed this beforehand. We hadn't.

To top it all off, while it seems like a majority of all of this is being driven by her (and her family?), I heard her family isn't or is barely contributing financially to any of this so it'll be funded by my family. Seems off to me that her side is calling all the shots while we take care of it. He doesn't mind and I don't mind, but my brother had to convert to Islam to even get the ball rolling on all this. Not that it's a big deal but because of it there will be no church ceremony and also no alcohol at dinner tonight or the big ceremony at the end of the year. Just feels like my brother and family are having to take a lot of steps to get things right for her and her family.

What do you guys think?



Cliffs:
-My brother got engaged a few months ago and is already getting married
-Everything is being expediated because she doesn't want to live with her new stepdad and can't live with my brother until marriage
-His bachelor party and the actual ceremony with extended family isn't until later this year
-Her (and her family?) are calling almost all the shots yet apparently are barely funding anything, if at all
-Details are very mum and my family feels kept in the dark
-Things are happening so fast that it's just now hitting me, but it's not hitting me the way it "should" because it feels off/forced
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Dec 18, 2005
If you made a thread about this for random peoples advice it must really be bothering you.
You did the right thing coming here op.

She's definitely using your brother as well as your family.
I'd tell him to call it off immediately to prevent any emotional or financial damage in the future.
Too many red flags.

Tell him as soon as possible.

This is actually the best advice given so far; you’re gonna regret not saving your brother from himself.

Get going; there’s still time.
 
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How long were they together before getting married? If it’s been a while, suggest that they stick with the original court house and dinner move.
 
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Hey NT, my brother's getting married later today. She's great and they're in love, but I can't help but feel that things are one-sided and my family definitely feels the same.

Despite getting engaged just a few months ago, the whole wedding process is getting expediated due to circumstances with her and her family. While they are getting married today, his bachelor party is later this year and the actual ceremony itself with extended family and friends is at the end of the year. The reason for this is apparently that she doesn't like her new stepdad who'll be moving in to her mom's house (where she lives). I know next to nothing about him so unsure why or how bad it actually is. Because she's Muslim, she's also not allowed to live with my brother until they're married, hence this fast wedding so they can live together and she can be out of her mom's house.

Because of how quickly this is going, details aren't very planned out. It initially was supposed to be a courthouse trip to sign papers and a dinner with immediate family afterwards, but very recently it's now an "approved" wedding and an Imam will preside over a quick 10 minute ceremony. My brother told me I don't even need to go to the brief ceremony at the mosque. I just now got texts from my parents yesterday about updated plans for today and they apologized saying how mum details have been for them. What caught me really off-guard is how my brother's fiancé told my mom about errands I'd be doing (which I don't mind doing to be clear) and the way she said it was as if we actually discussed this beforehand. We hadn't.

To top it all off, while it seems like a majority of all of this is being driven by her (and her family?), I heard her family isn't or is barely contributing financially to any of this so it'll be funded by my family. Seems off to me that her side is calling all the shots while we take care of it. He doesn't mind and I don't mind, but my brother had to convert to Islam to even get the ball rolling on all this. Not that it's a big deal but because of it there will be no church ceremony and also no alcohol at dinner tonight or the big ceremony at the end of the year. Just feels like my brother and family are having to take a lot of steps to get things right for her and her family.

What do you guys think?



Cliffs:
-My brother got engaged a few months ago and is already getting married
-Everything is being expediated because she doesn't want to live with her new stepdad and can't live with my brother until marriage
-His bachelor party and the actual ceremony with extended family isn't until later this year
-Her (and her family?) are calling almost all the shots yet apparently are barely funding anything, if at all
-Details are very mum and my family feels kept in the dark
-Things are happening so fast that it's just now hitting me, but it's not hitting me the way it "should" because it feels off/forced

Is he a older or younger brother?
 
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OP, All you can do is let your bro know what you think and keep it moving…He’s a grown man, he’ll make his decisions but hopefully he hears you out and you’ll be there to help if needed
 
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Hey NT, my brother's getting married later today. She's great and they're in love, but I can't help but feel that things are one-sided and my family definitely feels the same.

Despite getting engaged just a few months ago, the whole wedding process is getting expediated due to circumstances with her and her family. While they are getting married today, his bachelor party is later this year and the actual ceremony itself with extended family and friends is at the end of the year. The reason for this is apparently that she doesn't like her new stepdad who'll be moving in to her mom's house (where she lives). I know next to nothing about him so unsure why or how bad it actually is. Because she's Muslim, she's also not allowed to live with my brother until they're married, hence this fast wedding so they can live together and she can be out of her mom's house.

Because of how quickly this is going, details aren't very planned out. It initially was supposed to be a courthouse trip to sign papers and a dinner with immediate family afterwards, but very recently it's now an "approved" wedding and an Imam will preside over a quick 10 minute ceremony. My brother told me I don't even need to go to the brief ceremony at the mosque. I just now got texts from my parents yesterday about updated plans for today and they apologized saying how mum details have been for them. What caught me really off-guard is how my brother's fiancé told my mom about errands I'd be doing (which I don't mind doing to be clear) and the way she said it was as if we actually discussed this beforehand. We hadn't.

To top it all off, while it seems like a majority of all of this is being driven by her (and her family?), I heard her family isn't or is barely contributing financially to any of this so it'll be funded by my family. Seems off to me that her side is calling all the shots while we take care of it. He doesn't mind and I don't mind, but my brother had to convert to Islam to even get the ball rolling on all this. Not that it's a big deal but because of it there will be no church ceremony and also no alcohol at dinner tonight or the big ceremony at the end of the year. Just feels like my brother and family are having to take a lot of steps to get things right for her and her family.

What do you guys think?



Cliffs:
-My brother got engaged a few months ago and is already getting married
-Everything is being expediated because she doesn't want to live with her new stepdad and can't live with my brother until marriage
-His bachelor party and the actual ceremony with extended family isn't until later this year
-Her (and her family?) are calling almost all the shots yet apparently are barely funding anything, if at all
-Details are very mum and my family feels kept in the dark
-Things are happening so fast that it's just now hitting me, but it's not hitting me the way it "should" because it feels off/forced
As his brother, I think you have every right to share how you feel about the situation. You clearly are concerned that he might get hurt at the end of this. But at the same time, he's an adult that will make the decision that he sees best for him. Just have to respect his choice and support him, regardless if you agree with his decision.
 
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This SCReeeeams “Oops! I’m pregnant, Let’s get married before my parents disown me!” 💍

Edit: My uncle got married in a rush as well and for the reason I just mentioned. Like you’re brother, OP, he also converted religion before marrying her. We weren’t allowed to enter their church to see the ceremony because we weren’t Mormon.
 
Last edited:

aepps20

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This SCReeeeams “Oops! I’m pregnant, Let’s get married before my parents disown me!” 💍

Edit: My uncle got married in a rush as well and for the reason I just mentioned. Like you’re brother, OP, he also converted religion before marrying her. We weren’t allowed to enter their church to see the ceremony because we weren’t Mormon.

The LDS folks stay not letting people in their church. Back when I was a kid we had to wait in the car at an LDS wedding because we weren't LDS.
 
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It might be a little too late to express your concerns to your bro, you should've done that after he proposed. All you can do now is ruin the wedding which may also ruin your relationship with your brother. Like one poster said, you have to let him ride this out and pick him up if it goes bad.
 
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Sounds like she doesn't have much money and is marrying your brother so she can move out her family's house. If he has common sense then maybe he also realizes it but might not care.
 
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Not Your Life Or Problem To Deal With.

Wish Them The Best, Smile For The Photos And If It Falls Apart Later Be There For Bro To Pick Up The Pieces.
the realest advice, its outta ur control.

is ur family worth millions and she tryna scam into the family inheritance? not sure why u so worried
 
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