NTer's in relationships - Girl's Night Out and Social Media... Opinions ?

[rescue]

shes outgoing like you said and likes to be around people, so i guess in hindsight i can't worry about her when she goes out.  it's just her personality to have some harmless fun and chill with her girls.  i think i was just too bossy in the past with girls and literally they'd just do whatever i said.  so i didn't really know how to handle this properly and in my head it was her choosing her friends over me when it really isn't the case.  she always finds time during the week to see me and we spends weekends together pretty much.  in the end, i realize this is all me and my ego and i should have nothing to worry about as she goes above and beyond for me.

Glad to see you figured it out and could admit it was your ego. A lot of dudes would never admit that. And it sounds like your girl is a winner. Honestly, in the long run you wouldnt want a chick like the chicks in the past who did what ever you wanted. That doesnt show any signs of strength to me. Don't know about you but intelligence and having your own mind are important qualities for me. And you said she goes above and beyond for you. Again, you have a winner. I hope you have some plans for her soon. Good Luck.

 

[verbal kint]

You're in trouble brutha. Most girls in good relationships, want nothing more than to be with their dude. Or more importantly, not be needlessly hounded by countless other dudes. Not to mention the constant need to know what's going on in the fantasy land of social media.

You're in your early 30s, and for her, this is childish attention seeking behavior. So I think your girl may be mentally checking out. You made another thread recently about getting a career going and some other things, even though you have 95k saved.

Imo, this action is brought about either by talks you've had with her, stuff she's said about your lack of motivation in passing, or something you feel about the relationship.

I can't really give you advice you'll follow, other than keep your wits about you. And if something looks off and feels off.. It probably is.

 

[flyeed]

Short answer is that once a week is too often bruh

 

[flyeed]

Also, me personally, all my single homies, and even the ones that are still in relationships that are party types always try putting evil thoughts in my head to cheat. And sometimes it works and they make me think it's the normal thing to do.

Hope OP keeps us posted with any difference in his girl if/when he starts planning things. It would be cool to know.

 

[heliumclinton]

You're in trouble brutha. Most girls in good relationships, want nothing more than to be with their dude. Or more importantly, not be needlessly hounded by countless other dudes. Not to mention the constant need to know what's going on in the fantasy land of social media.

You're in your early 30s, and for her, this is childish attention seeking behavior. So I think your girl may be mentally checking out. You made another thread recently about getting a career going and some other things, even though you have 95k saved.

Imo, this action is brought about either by talks you've had with her, stuff she's said about your lack of motivation in passing, or something you feel about the relationship.

I can't really give you advice you'll follow, other than keep your wits about you. And if something looks off and feels off.. It probably is.

She doesn't want to be around other dudes. She wants to go to starbucks and yoga with her friends and on occasions to celebrate birthdays be able to go out without feeling guilty like she's doing something wrong. He's not in trouble.

 

[dipsetgeneral]

Alot of us are attracted to women who are way too self-indulged. We gotta' look for better women

 

[Brownstone]

Man I 

Alot of us are attracted to women who are way too self-indulged. We gotta' look for better women

Amen.

Just dated a girl that was older than me, and she tried to front like she was NOT trynna be wifed up. Lies. bird had us shopping for engagement rings on the 3rd week.If it takes more than 3 weeks to hit I am not goin. I will not date older women anymore.

 

[mr marcus]

Her going to yoga and Starbucks with her friends ain't that serious. Now if she's getting blacked out drunk once a week then worry

 

[mrse7en]

Helium's last response was damn near spot on about her. She def isn't going out to seek attention from men. It's guys at work and when she goes out that like her. If she wanted the attention then she would be hiding it from me by not saying anything.

 

[nawghtyhare]

My girl may go out a few nights a month with her friends
To like a concert
Or club or something
Sometimes she wants me to come along
But I let her have her free time
Besides more time for me to just chill and play TV or watch games
Without her coming to ask me questions and all that
I just look at it at me time
I'm cool with her friends
There are some I like and some I don't
But they are respectful
And I trust my girl
Seems like u trying to be a lil too controlling

 

[Kaleo15]

My girl may go out a few nights a month with her friends
To like a concert
Or club or something
Sometimes she wants me to come along
But I let her have her free time
Besides more time for me to just chill and play TV or watch games
Without her coming to ask me questions and all that
I just look at it at me time
I'm cool with her friends
There are some I like and some I don't
But they are respectful
And I trust my girl
Seems like u trying to be a lil too controlling

Damn... this is pretty much me
She always tries to invite me
I say no, or "have fun"
She tries again and says I should come out
I still say no thanks
So then she stays home instead
Then we either chill
Or actually go out by ourselves
But it's whatever
OP u gotta find ur boundaries
Stay Fre3shhhh

 

[grimeyy]

My girl rarely goes out, but when she does, she hangs out with her childhood friends, and for the most part I trust them. They're single but they keep the thirsty dudes away from her at the club. She does have a friend who I'm not too fond with, but it is what it is.

At the end of the day, she's coming home to me

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

Been w/ her for 7 1/2 years

 

[thenewjs23]

When my ex and first got together we were both in school and neither one of us were working. So, spent a lot of time together. We moved in together after a year. She started to work I began to work. She began to go out with her family, friends and begged me to go with her and I would never go. Now that she hanging out with single friends she was going to them with our problems. As you know single folks have an f*@k it attitude and my girl began to pick it up. Then I began to act the same way. Before we would communicate our problems to each other.

Single friends are toxic to relationships and sometimes it's unintentionally. I have married buddy and he will tell me his problems and I had to stop him. I told him he was my ninja but he would have to tell his marriage problems to a married buddy. As a single guy, I don't think I qualify to give marriage advice.

If your relationship starts with either partner hanging out with single friends its ok in my opinion. If not then you shouldn't start. Imo however the relationship was started is how it should continue. If a partner falls out with the friends through no fault of the relationship that's cool.

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

^^^true concept.

On another note, I mentioned I was in something similar to OP on the first page. Went over last night, talked about how she shouldn't be doing single girl things if she wants me to take it serious....very against me saying that....gave her the D....she said she understood where i'm coming from afterwards

I'm really not trying to humble brag, but i'm saying if you do that good work to her body (not just giving the D but foreplay and getting her on) she'll probz see you in a different light.

Girls are a trip

 

[paliplaya2010]

You're in trouble brutha. Most girls in good relationships, want nothing more than to be with their dude. Or more importantly, not be needlessly hounded by countless other dudes. Not to mention the constant need to know what's going on in the fantasy land of social media.

You're in your early 30s, and for her, this is childish attention seeking behavior. So I think your girl may be mentally checking out. You made another thread recently about getting a career going and some other things, even though you have 95k saved.

Imo, this action is brought about either by talks you've had with her, stuff she's said about your lack of motivation in passing, or something you feel about the relationship.

I can't really give you advice you'll follow, other than keep your wits about you. And if something looks off and feels off.. It probably is.

I agree with this man. She's slowly checking out. Ain't no reason she should be going clubbing at that age. U tell me, u go to a club with your single boys and a girl starts throwing the yamb at u. 8 out of 10 dudes I know are taking it. Plus the whole selfie thing... She's thirtsty for the attention. I've been there done that. This won't end well and she and her friends are taking u for a fool

 

[thenewjs23]

^^^true concept.

On another note, I mentioned I was in something similar to OP on the first page. Went over last night, talked about how she shouldn't be doing single girl things if she wants me to take it serious....very against me saying that....gave her the D....she said she understood where i'm coming from afterwards

I'm really not trying to humble brag, but i'm saying if you do that good work to her body (not just giving the D but foreplay and getting her on) she'll probz see you in a different light.

Girls are a trip

Thats how my girl and I was. Have sex and everthing seemed straight. Told myself I could keep her around with the good d and we still broke up. My mom And pops clowned me. Pops said I guess you thought you were going to keep her with the d. He said she kept you with the box while she got better D from somewhere elses. Moms told me to connect emotionally With a woman and good D is now sold for 19.95 in variable speeds.

After my ex and i broke up she said exactly that.

 

[Hunnynutcheerios]

for me personally I think once a week to be at a club while in a relationship is way too much. I have friends but ill be lucky if I see them once a month we all have busy lives and different schedules but even when we have time its not all about going out we do lunches and shopping and nail dates..if it is something that's bothering you OP talk to your girl

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

I wouldn't put it past a woman to act like that despite giving her the good D as well.

I just wanted to point out how women act sometimes after getting something like the D.

In the end I think it's more beneficial to find a woman on the same wavelength as yourself so that when **** gets rough, they're not trying to take the easy way out and find someone else, but rather will work with you in making **** better.

 

[verbal kint]

Helium's last response was damn near spot on about her. She def isn't going out to seek attention from men. It's guys at work and when she goes out that like her. If she wanted the attention then she would be hiding it from me by not saying anything.

You know your girl better than anyone.. so rock with whatever helps you get through your relationship.  However, you posted here for opposing insights, and so mine is one borne of caution.

Just understand..

There is a such a thing known as "hiding in plain sight".

Outside of this incident, your girl is obviously exhibiting some behavioral inconsistencies. Complaining to you about your lack of life focus. Finding fault in your lack of attentiveness towards selecting outings for you all, and therefore choosing the lowest hanging fruit of "begrudgingly" hanging with her girls..

Your words from post#1:

"they usually keep getting at her and she eventually gives in.  she says one time a week is normal, but then they wanna go to yoga and dinner during the week too sometimes and drag her along to those as well.  now they want to plan some trips and weekend getaways and drag her along too"

- Your initial posting is that she is hanging out once a week with her girls.. "because they pressure her, she gives in"

You also said: "all they wanna do is party and what not" - No normal stuff.

-So this is not occasional, bday parties and so forth like you are saying now to put on a brave face. The reality is she is hanging out much more than she has in the past, and much more than you are comfortable with. I think you are at a point of nervousness now, where you see the reality, but instead youre talking a tighter hold on you all, in hoping for the best, remaining positive, and trying to support her and be nonchalant about.  This situation is going to end up eating you alive inside.. because your not ok with it in reality.

In every relationship, there's a reacher and a settler.. I'm assuming you feel that you are the reacher, and that she is settling for you.. this new behavior by your girl is reinforcing those feeling of inadequacy. You can tell by some of what you have typed, that you definitely feel threatened by your girls personality, attractiveness whatever..

but it still doesnt make sense, for her actions having to stay up late, checking your phone and email for her contact to know when she made it home and what went on and what not.

At the end of the day, its your life and your decisions.. but you came to the community as well, and as part of community, im telling you that her behavior is cause for concern.

 

[mrse7en]

Verbal, I'm very appreciative that you took the time to respond. In my previous posts I would say things in general terms. My word choice was poor in many cases. For example when I said partying I didn't mean that as just clubbing, I bunch it with everything. For me it can also be going over to a girls house and just drinking and chilling etc and I'd consider that partying, so it's a very vague definition for me.

As for the reacher and settler I def don't think that's the case in our relationship. Yes, when she does out she can get her attention, but it's not like I can't get mine either. In that instance I was just coming to the realization that when she tells me she just wants to hang with girls sometimes to chat and chill that, maybe it is just that. And that I'm over reacting. She is 26, so 5 years younger than me. At that age I can't really blame her for still having some want to party sometime vibes left in her body. As God knows how I was when I was at 26. I said this cause If she wanted someone else, she could easily be with someone else. It's not like she has to rely on me for anything. She makes her own money etc etc.

I just think in my previous relationships the girl just always listened to what I say. I'm not saying this is a good thing. They should def have a mind of their own and be able to hang with their friends on their own too sometimes.

She works mon-fri 9-5. We see each other at least a couple times during the week and then the whole weekend. Even if she goes out, she will come back to my place to sleep.

I came to realizing this was more my fault than hers. I let my previous relationships dictate how I thought they should all go. I was stuck in my own ways so this cause some insecurities to rear their ugly head. I really made a mountain out of a moe hill.

 

[heliumclinton]

OP never said she wants to go to a club every week, where yall getting that from? He said she wants to do something besides work and her man once a week.

It's good to get out, keeps the mind fresh.

 

[verbal kint]

Verbal, I'm very appreciative that you took the time to respond. In my previous posts I would say things in general terms. My word choice was poor in many cases. For example when I said partying I didn't mean that as just clubbing, I bunch it with everything. For me it can also be going over to a girls house and just drinking and chilling etc and I'd consider that partying, so it's a very vague definition for me.

As for the reacher and settler I def don't think that's the case in our relationship. Yes, when she does out she can get her attention, but it's not like I can't get mine either. In that instance I was just coming to the realization that when she tells me she just wants to hang with girls sometimes to chat and chill that, maybe it is just that. And that I'm over reacting. She is 26, so 5 years younger than me. At that age I can't really blame her for still having some want to party sometime vibes left in her body. As God knows how I was when I was at 26. I said this cause If she wanted someone else, she could easily be with someone else. It's not like she has to rely on me for anything. She makes her own money etc etc.

I just think in my previous relationships the girl just always listened to what I say. I'm not saying this is a good thing. They should def have a mind of their own and be able to hang with their friends on their own too sometimes.

She works mon-fri 9-5. We see each other at least a couple times during the week and then the whole weekend. Even if she goes out, she will come back to my place to sleep.

I came to realizing this was more my fault than hers. I let my previous relationships dictate how I thought they should all go. I was stuck in my own ways so this cause some insecurities to rear their ugly head. I really made a mountain out of a moe hill.

No problem. And just for ***** and giggles, I have a few assumptions that I made in my post, then later deleted. One of em was her age, which was 26/27. The others are:

latina/or light-skin black chick, under 5'4" in height, "loud" chick, as in speaks loudly in social settings?

^^I'm probably way off base here?

And best of luck man. Just know every action has a starting point.  Noone just "does" ****.. this isnt the Dark Knight, and shes not the Joker.

 

[verbal kint]

OP never said she wants to go to a club every week, where yall getting that from? He said she wants to do something besides work and her man once a week.

It's good to get out, keeps the mind fresh.

Um. Thats actually not what he said at all.. what he said was:

"my gf's close friends are all single at this moment, so it's a group of 4-5 at least usually.  since these girls are single, obviously they are always wanting to go out and hang.  however, they are always trying to get my gf to go with them as well.  they usually keep getting at her and she eventually gives in.  she says one time a week is normal, but then they wanna go to yoga and dinner during the week too sometimes and drag her along to those as well.  now they want to plan some trips and weekend getaways and drag her along too.  these chicks are just  pissing me off.  

-This is one time a week, turning into two+ times with dinner, yoga.. plus the prospects of traveling without him.

my gf doesn't have many true close girlfriends imo, so i think she tries to make up for it by hanging with these girls whenever they ask so that she'll have a clique instead of feeling lame.  but these chicks are straight trash.  all they wanna do is party and what not.  don't do regular girl stuff like go have brunch, shop at the mall, go to dinner etc."

If all they want to do is Party.. then that means.. thats what his girl is going to do.. he singled out a host of stuff they arent doing.. including yoga as of yet.

The bottom line is this.. This narrative is his own and is what he makes it.  Its OP's life and heart and head.  If he wants to give himself a fresh start mentally, and hope that will enable these ill "feelings" towards his GF's outings to subside.. thats on him.

We are here to provide perspective. Yours, mines, whomever.. that the greatness of NT.

 

[keel252]

Single friends are toxic to relationships and sometimes it's unintentionally. I have married buddy and he will tell me his problems and I had to stop him. I told him he was my ninja but he would have to tell his marriage problems to a married buddy. As a single guy, I don't think I qualify to give marriage advice.

damn im about to apply that to my life.

 

[grimeyy]

Single friends are toxic to relationships and sometimes it's unintentionally. I have married buddy and he will tell me his problems and I had to stop him. I told him he was my ninja but he would have to tell his marriage problems to a married buddy. As a single guy, I don't think I qualify to give marriage advice.
 

Very true