Official Depression thread

[ijumpmani]

So, Idk what I really am supposed to do. My wife and I got into an argument about how she is still suffering from depression/anxiety and wants to go home to California. I understand her concern because she's is caring for our daughter and wants to be closer to family and friends. But the problem is, how am I suppose to just get up and look for a new job and move across the country? I'm so lost/frustrated/sad at the dilemma I'm in.

I thought our trip back home to CA last week would been a nice refresher for all of us, but since then, it's like she's gotten worse. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

I even suggested that if she really wanted to go home, that she can go ahead with our daughter and I'll stay back while I work and try to find another opportunity in CA...But I'm just scared that may break our marriage apart.

I just need to vent. I still continue to feel lost and hopeless with my wife pertaining this situation. I offer her to go out and walk around the mall or get her hair done, but she doesn't want to do it and only prefers to do that back home.

It's so effing frustrating and confusing. I really think I've been depressed myself. I come home from work and cook dinner, clean, and do laundry. On top of that, she's expecting me to think of places for us to go out or do things on the weekend. I'm all doing things on the weekend to help her out, but I feel like I'm doing everything. This really is burning me out and making me want to stay home. But if I decide to stay home, I get crap from her about wanting to go out, but she doesn't want to go out on her own.

And if I'm in the wrong thread, sorry.

No need to apologize, everybody needs a place to vent. I agree with getback that this sounds like a situational issue more than actual clinical depression (on your end). With that said, does your wife see a therapist? Have you ever thought about couples counseling? Having a mediator might help with the communication problem you are facing. Just my 2 cents. Stay strong brother.

 

[Fozz]

Sounds like a situational issue more than actual clinical depression (on your end). Definitely a difficult decision to make, especially with a child in the mix. Do you think her depression/anxiety worsened because she went to CA, came back and has regressed back to a sort of "homesick" state? Maybe she'll improve as time heals and realizes just picking up and moving isn't the answer? I would just tell her you understand and sympathize but that the two of you need to approach the situation logically. If a move is absolutely necessary, she needs to understand that it takes time to find a job, especially across the entire country. Her taking the child and moving without allowing you to at least have time to find a job and process the situation is selfish IMO.

Well, she is still suffering from post-partem depression. And I think going to home, helped ease all that from her. But a couple days after leaving she's been feeling really down. I'm sure she feels "homesick" and I don't blame her. I do think she'll heal through time, but our argument last night kind of seemed she wanted to go back home now. And I get that it does sound selfish, I think it's my bad for even suggesting it. I think I was just looking for a 'quick fix' to get away from the situation. I think the only way we move back is if I do find a new job back in CA. I can't go back without a job and "hope" for a new job to show up.

No need to apologize, everybody needs a place to vent. I agree with getback that this sounds like a situational issue more than actual clinical depression (on your end). With that said, does your wife see a therapist? Have you ever thought about couples counseling? Having a mediator might help with the communication problem you are facing. Just my 2 cents. Stay strong brother.

I suggested the idea for her to see a therapist or even consider counseling, but she always has refused. The thing is, she isn't the type to express how she feels quickly. It tends to take a while for open up. Communication is a constant work in progress, but it has definitely improved.

Thanks for the insigh and suggestions. Also, thank you for listening. I appreciate it.

 

[airjordanseattle23]

I have been suffering chronic depression and anxiety since i was 17(now 32). Been able to shake it off most times until recently. One of my best friends was tragically hit by a train in january and been in a funk since. can't sleep. lost my main job(still have a small second one)..barely making ends meet. Thinking about going back to school but don't know what i want to study or what i want to do with my life career wise. Just been hella depressed these last 6 weeks..been self medicating ..20+ dabs a day and more alcohol than i should be consuming. i know thats just a temporary fix...but not trying to go back on meds and i feel like counsellors just tell me what i want to hear. don't really talk to my family anymore ..when i reach out to people like my mom i just leave the conversation feeling worse than i was before.just feel like my life is pretty hopeless right now. anyone else been here?

 

[ahat]

I have been suffering chronic depression and anxiety since i was 17(now 32). Been able to shake it off most times until recently. One of my best friends was tragically hit by a train in january and been in a funk since. can't sleep. lost my main job(still have a small second one)..barely making ends meet. Thinking about going back to school but don't know what i want to study or what i want to do with my life career wise. Just been hella depressed these last 6 weeks..been self medicating ..20+ dabs a day and more alcohol than i should be consuming. i know thats just a temporary fix...but not trying to go back on meds and i feel like counsellors just tell me what i want to hear. don't really talk to my family anymore ..when i reach out to people like my mom i just leave the conversation feeling worse than i was before.just feel like my life is pretty hopeless right now. anyone else been here?

Yup. Battling that right now. Im taking meds and used to see a counsellor/therapist although i didnt find it productive. Working out has been the best thing for me. Whenever i leave the gym fot at least a few hrs i feel good and happy. I dunno if youre physically active but my suggestion would be take it up. Weights, running, swimming, a sport etc. Anything like that will def help improve your mood

 

[airjordanseattle23]

yea I have heard that. Most of the exercise I get is walking my dog a mile or so a day. Hopefully my apartment complex reopens the gym so i can try it. Its been about as bad as it ever has been . losing my homie was probably the worst part. even tried calling one of those crisis lines..worthless. the guy just kept saying **** like "you just lost your friend and your job..that must feel horrible" yea no kidding.

 

[conker64]

Ay sincerely wish you Papis the best.

I've been down and lost, and I know a lot of people think school is for suckers but to homie who posted above thinking about going back, if you're serious and have the means to even do cc and a state school go for it. Whatever passion or skill you have whether it's sociology, psychology, history, public health, ecology, etc.

I flunked and withdrew a ton of college classes, and then after a life changing incident started to put my best foot forward. Everything I looked for outside of school has come to me just by working my *** off in it. Respect, purpose, self-esteem, even one of the finest girls on campus.

I hate to sound like a corny D.A.R.E. ad from the 90s advising to go to school and not do drugs but that ish will only dig you deeper in your funk. Don't accept a fate of doom and despair. I've been here long enough to know how smart the average cat is here, and every NTer is better than that.

 

[ahat]

yea I have heard that. Most of the exercise I get is walking my dog a mile or so a day. Hopefully my apartment complex reopens the gym so i can try it. Its been about as bad as it ever has been . losing my homie was probably the worst part. even tried calling one of those crisis lines..worthless. the guy just kept saying **** like "you just lost your friend and your job..that must feel horrible" yea no kidding.

ive never called one of those but that sounds like a complete joke. I know where you at bro, i lost a homie as well...coming on about a year now. Worst part was i couldnt go to his funeral and pay my respects cuz of my legal issues. But ya the physical activities definitely help not only the endorphins it releases but helps take your mind off everything for a couple hours. Even reading, i was never a big reader but over the last couple of yrs ive read more books than i have in my life. It was tough at first being focused id read a page or 2 and my mind would wander but over time ive been able to read more in 1 sitting. Just anything thatll help take your mind off things. I feel like when we are in this rut an idle mind is the most dangerous thing. Ive had some terrible thoughts.


My pm open if you ever wanna talk

 

[airjordanseattle23]

ive never called one of those but that sounds like a complete joke. I know where you at bro, i lost a homie as well...coming on about a year now. Worst part was i couldnt go to his funeral and pay my respects cuz of my legal issues. But ya the physical activities definitely help not only the endorphins it releases but helps take your mind off everything for a couple hours. Even reading, i was never a big reader but over the last couple of yrs ive read more books than i have in my life. It was tough at first being focused id read a page or 2 and my mind would wander but over time ive been able to read more in 1 sitting. Just anything thatll help take your mind off things. I feel like when we are in this rut an idle mind is the most dangerous thing. Ive had some terrible thoughts.


My pm open if you ever wanna talk

thanks man i'll keep that in mind. worst part of my friend dying was we had been kind of at odds for the last 2 years over a diagreement about $100. Had been kinda talking badly to a mutual friend about him on a friday and then on a monday i got the news. Def going to take that gym advice. Thinking about stopping weed..been chiefin since i was 16..daily since i was 20. going to be weird..especially since i work in a weed shop as my 1 remaining job.

 

[ahat]

thanks man i'll keep that in mind. worst part of my friend dying was we had been kind of at odds for the last 2 years over a diagreement about $100. Had been kinda talking badly to a mutual friend about him on a friday and then on a monday i got the news. Def going to take that gym advice. Thinking about stopping weed..been chiefin since i was 16..daily since i was 20. going to be weird..especially since i work in a weed shop as my 1 remaining job.

Dont dwell on that part...i know its easy for me to say and its mos def difficult but just think of the good times yall had. Pay your respects however you can and just know homies watching over you til yall meet again and make amends.


I use to smoke heavy as well. Been over 2yrs since i quit, wont lie theres day i contemplate smoking again but i know ill just go back to how it was. I dont think a lil herb is bad, probably better than all these meds they give us, but id say cut the alcohol before the green.

 

[getback]

I have been suffering chronic depression and anxiety since i was 17(now 32). Been able to shake it off most times until recently. One of my best friends was tragically hit by a train in january and been in a funk since. can't sleep. lost my main job(still have a small second one)..barely making ends meet. Thinking about going back to school but don't know what i want to study or what i want to do with my life career wise. Just been hella depressed these last 6 weeks..been self medicating ..20+ dabs a day and more alcohol than i should be consuming. i know thats just a temporary fix...but not trying to go back on meds and i feel like counsellors just tell me what i want to hear. don't really talk to my family anymore ..when i reach out to people like my mom i just leave the conversation feeling worse than i was before.just feel like my life is pretty hopeless right now. anyone else been here?

I'm in a similar situation mentally. Haven't been able to shake the anxiety and a little bit of depression I've been experiencing since last summer. Haven't smoked weed in 11 years but told my friend to pick me up a 1/4 of a high CBD strain at the dispensary to see if it gives me any relief, even if temporary. Also lost my best friend to a heroin overdose in 2012, then my grandmother in 2015, the my job, another good friend to an overdose in 2016 and then my aunt 2 weeks ago. A lot of loss and disappointments over the past 5 years. I'm also your age.

 

[airjordanseattle23]

I'm in a similar situation mentally. Haven't been able to shake the anxiety and a little bit of depression I've been experiencing since last summer. Haven't smoked weed in 11 years but told my friend to pick me up a 1/4 of a high CBD strain at the dispensary to see if it gives me any relief, even if temporary. Also lost my best friend to a heroin overdose in 2012, then my grandmother in 2015, the my job, another good friend to an overdose in 2016 and then my aunt 2 weeks ago. A lot of loss and disappointments over the past 5 years. I'm also your age.

yea man it sucks. lost all my fam aside from a few cousins and my mom/bro before i was 25. Don't talk to my brother anymore and my mom and I have a hella strained relationship. How did the cbd work for you? i don't smoke flower myself but found high cbd concentrates calm me pretty well. Like you said though temporary fix. It does help me clear my head though long enough to sometimes be able to look at the situation objectively.

 

[getback]

I'm getting it from the dispensary tomorrow, so I'll let you know how it works for me. The strains are cannatonic, ACDC, and Sour Tsunami. I have a low tolerance (or at least I did when I was younger). So I'm going to buy a Pax vaporizer to vape the dry buds and just take a couple pulls. It's legal here in MA so it helps that I can be out in the open with it.

 

[mangudai954]

I'm getting it from the dispensary tomorrow, so I'll let you know how it works for me. The strains are cannatonic, ACDC, and Sour Tsunami. I have a low tolerance (or at least I did when I was younger). So I'm going to buy a Pax vaporizer to vape the dry buds and just take a couple pulls. It's legal here in MA so it helps that I can be out in the open with it.

I'm impressed, sounds like you mapped things out perfectly. Hope it helps.

 

[mangudai954]

I'm getting it from the dispensary tomorrow, so I'll let you know how it works for me. The strains are cannatonic, ACDC, and Sour Tsunami. I have a low tolerance (or at least I did when I was younger). So I'm going to buy a Pax vaporizer to vape the dry buds and just take a couple pulls. It's legal here in MA so it helps that I can be out in the open with it.

How did it go?

 

[legreyfoxx]

any suggestions or tips on how to get out of the 'lack of motivation' feeling? i haven't had the desire or urge to really do much as of late. I work come home eat, maybe watch tv and play games for a few minutes then sleep and repeat it all again the next day. I kind of used to look forward to hanging out with my gf in the past which would change up some of my days and i would have something to look forward to. After we split up i could say its kind of starting to affect me however i've been getting asked to hang out with a female friend but i haven't really had real desire to.

 

[throwedspitta]

Dank, music that keeps me motivated, change of scenery, and friends. If that doesn't work, getting some booty always helps

 

[gil23]

Never thought I be back in this thread but unfortunately iam. After 12 years and multiple break ups I think the final one has come. She decided she was done and said the decision was along time coming and there is no looking back.there is no one to blame but me. She had what a 31 year old would need and tahts a chick that was behind you 100% and I literally threw it away by being absent from the relationship. She took me back a couple of times but I know this is for good after 3 years living together. She waited for me to come around and get out of my self center self until she got tired of waiting. I have no one to blame but myself for having what I needed and throwing it away. It's though right now and thought about doing stupid **** just so I don't have to live with the regret for the rest of my life.

 

[getback]

How did it go?

Not bad. Definitely much more effective for me puffing the CBD strains as opposed to the psychoactive stuff. Also bought a Pax2. Thing is amazing. Super smooth.

 

[eracism]

Anyone seen a psychologist for anxiety? Did it help?

 

[ahat]

Anyone seen a psychologist for anxiety? Did it help?

Ive been to one but not for anxiety so i cant speak on that specifically. I did find it helped me some, id def recommend to give it a try. I mean theres nothing to lose really, if you feel like you are benefitting from it then great continue with it. If you feel like its not helping then stop going.


Just my 2 cents. Either way best of luck to you bro

 

[$tatus $ymbol]

Bunch of lows, very few highs. Try to roll with the punches as best a I can but never really truly happy. Only thing really keeping me here is my little one.

 

[QU!K]

I'm going to reiterate to everyone to try to get exercise.

Excercise helps with building serotonin in your brain and it can help you to feel happier.

I'm absolutely miserable if I go long stretches without exercise.

You don't need a gym membership.

You can run at the park, ride a bike, torrent insanity, p90x, Nike training app, buy a stationary bike and watch tv

Furthermore, when you make progress in your fitness, it can build self confidence.

 

[getback]

Anyone seen a psychologist for anxiety? Did it help?

I have. I think if you see the right person it can definitely be beneficial. That's why you should treat it like any other ailment. If it's not working out or you're not getting the help you need, move on.

I've battled anxiety for like 10 years. Three things that have helped me the most:
(1) working out
(2) embracing the symptoms of anxiety i.e. acknowledging the change in your body and reassuring yourself that it's temporary and can't hurt you
(3) slow, deep breathing

 

[ahat]

I'm going to reiterate to everyone to try to get exercise.

Excercise helps with building serotonin in your brain and it can help you to feel happier.

I'm absolutely miserable if I go long stretches without exercise.

You don't need a gym membership.

You can run at the park, ride a bike, torrent insanity, p90x, Nike training app, buy a stationary bike and watch tv

Furthermore, when you make progress in your fitness, it can build self confidence.

Cosign the exercise. Its been a HUGE help for me personally.

Like homie said...anything that has you active and moving around whether it be running, lifting, a sport whatever.

 

[QU!K]

The other thing is Vitamin D

I find in the winter I need to supplement, or I get the blues

And finally, be mindful of what you eat, if you eat junk, your mind will be junk. And definitely try to cut back on alcohol.

Even a couple drinks a week can have adverse effects on mental health.

Buy a kindle, download some books, borrow some books from the library.