Platonic relationships with the opposite sex Vol. it is really possible?

[icyhotpatch]

So I have this homegirl who I swear I love like a sister and NOTHING more. She feels the same way with me, saying I'm the big brother she's never had. For a long time, we've been the best of friends and swear that neither of us will ever fall for the other. I have a girlfriend who I love to death and plan to marry one day. She just started going out with someone and swears she's in love with him.

Now here's the difficult part...All of my friends and hers swear that we would be the perfect couple. Some of my friends even accuse me of cheating on my own girlfriend with this best friend of mine. So I tell her about it and everyone tells her the same exact thing. People seriously think were dating. It's funny to us because we know that we'll be the best of friends forever, nothing more, nothing less. My girlfriend is kinda paranoid about the situation and thinks I care more about my best friend than her (which totally isn't true). All of her boyfriends don't seem to like me because they think I'm too protective over her (but that's how she likes it).

Sometimes we play along with these false rumors just for kicks. She calls me "babe" and stuff like that, and I find it funny and amusing. We even started saying "I love you" to each other and always end up laughing. Lately though, she's been telling me that she really loves me. She swears that it's just in a brotherly kind of way, but to me, that's kind of a strong thing to say. She says she misses me every time I don't see her for awhile and texts me everyday. She talks to me more than she talks to her new boyfriend. She's my best friend and I would do anything for her, just like I would do anything for my girlfriend.

So I ask, am I treading dangerous territory here? Are platonic relationships between and man and a woman really possible? I truly love my girlfriend now and would NEVER leave her but my best friend seems to be getting closer and closer to me. I doubt I'll ever develop feelings for her because I'm totally fine with our relationship but I can't say the same for her. Am I just being paranoid?

 

[DCAllAfrican]

I don't believe in it.

SOMEBODY wants the other person.

No dude is going to waste his TIME and EFFORT being "friends" with a female unless he is gay.

But I also think people use the word friend too loosely. FOlks call people their friend when they are nothing more than an associate or someone they went to school/worked with.

I say no.

Question: In a world where there were no such thing as repercussions, would you hit this girl?

How old are you if I may ask? You might be wasting your time. Plus I think if you were busy with girls you WERE interested in, you wouldn't have time to play these middle school games with this girl.

 

[losalmighty]

it's possible, but difficult to maintain for the all the reasons you stated. If both of you are mature enough it can work. How long have you been friends and how old are you now? I firm believer that men don't make friends with girls unless they are attracted to them. Exceptions to this is school and work environments when you see the person every day. Just my thoughts, good luck bro.

 

[jthagreat]

just based on the all the excuses/reasoning, i think you havin a harder time convincing yourself than anyone else.

 

[crumbs]

Negative.

 

[j23s]

I have a female friend that I'm real cool with but I don't make it a point to talk to her as much as ya'll talk. Your relationship with her sounds a little shady though. Hidden sexual tention maybe

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by LosALMIGHTY

it's possible, but difficult to maintain for the all the reasons you stated. If both of you are mature enough it can work. How long have you been friends and how old are you now? I firm believer that men don't make friends with girls unless they are attracted to them. Exceptions to this is school and work environments when you see the person every day. Just my thoughts, good luck bro.

Yea I need to add that to my theory on male/women relationships. I guess you can add church to that as well. Good points.

 

[infyrno23]

Originally Posted by jthagreat

just based on the all the excuses/reasoning, i think you havin a harder time convincing yourself than anyone else.

THIS


it is possible.
you just have to keep your D in your pants.... self control, dont let yourself catch feelings, and get in a sappy movie love story.
I have about 4 or 5 girls that i am REALLY cool with, like they are really close to me, and i have never done anything with them,

it is possible... you both have to understand what it is

 

[popcornplaya]

no, I have a couple purely platonic friendships with a couple girls.

that's not to say I wouldn't hit, but I just don't ever try to.

one of those girls is one of my better friends, and I can trust her with just about anything.

 

[imreallydirknowitzki]

Originally Posted by J23S

I have a female friend that I'm real cool with but I don't make it a point to talk to her as much as ya'll talk. Your relationship with her sounds a little shady though. Hidden sexual tention maybe

This, I have a really good female friend, she's like a little sister to me. I talk to her everyday, but we don't text and talk as much as you and your "best friend". Me and her boyfriend are really close friends too, and she likes my girl a lot. I've known her since 6th grade, and she's like a little sister to me, that's why I could never see anything sexual between us, it would be weird.

 

[DeadsetAce]

rarely

 

[darth dnzy]

Originally Posted by Infyrno23

Originally Posted by jthagreat

just based on the all the excuses/reasoning, i think you havin a harder time convincing yourself than anyone else.

THIS


it is possible.
you just have to keep your D in your pants.... self control, dont let yourself catch feelings, and get in a sappy movie love story.
I have about 4 or 5 girls that i am REALLY cool with, like they are really close to me, and i have never done anything with them,

it is possible... you both have to understand what it is

--This. QFT.

  

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by Infyrno23

it is possible.
you just have to keep your D in your pants.... self control, dont let yourself catch feelings, and get in a sappy movie love story.
I have about 4 or 5 girls that i am REALLY cool with, like they are really close to me, and i have never done anything with them,

it is possible... you both have to understand what it is

1. Have you not done anything by CHOICE or because they don't want you?
2. How old are you? Grown men tend not to have CLOSE female friends (outside of work, school, etc) that they just hang out with and have done NOTHING with.
3. If you had the chance to hit, would you hit any of them?

 

[mytmouse76]

its possible...

 

[icyhotpatch]

I really don't consider this a "middle school game". I've known her for 5 years. I'm 23 years old and in a serious relationship. I don't feel like I'm wasting my time being friends with her because I'm already in a pretty serious relationship. I'm not gonna lie..when I first met my best friend, I thought she was cute as hell and smashing was definitely something that crossed my mind. She was one of those girls I thought was attractive but wasn't really my type (and to be honest, I probably had no chance in hell with). All these years I've known her, she's always had a boyfriend so dating her never crossed my mind. We were just casual acquaintances at first but really clicked on a friendship level. I was totally fine with being friends with her (call me gay if you wish, you don't know anyway). I met my girlfriend not too long afterwards and became pretty serious with her. This allowed me to become even more comfortable with my best friend and grow closer to her because I knew I would never develop feelings for her because I was, and still is, head over heels in love with my girlfriend.

It's just that I feel I'm being overly paranoid in thinking that she's dropping some hints. Part of me is extremely paranoid about it and part of me is saying I'm just thinking about it too much and making something out of nothing.

 

[zero 0123]

Your situation sounds a lot like a situation I had in the past. Both of us swore that we were just best friends and there was nothing. She's currently my girlfriend, and I'm about 99.99999% sure we're getting married (saving for the rock right now). It's not a bad thing. Think about it. You are getting with your best friend. Someone that knows you and honestly cares for you. There's no BS in there. It's the most honest and real relationship I've ever had, and I've never felt so close to someone.

Now before my current girlfriend, I had another female friend that was just a friend to me. Actually my roomate's GF. Their relationship started to fall apart, and come to find out, she was together with him just so she could see me more. We fooled around a little after they broke up, but I didn't feel right about it and ended that. I thought we were just friends, but then she comes in my room without her panties on asking if I saw them. Yeah. Just friends...

I'm a firm believer that opposite sexes are not friends with eachother unless there is some sort of attraction. Now it's up to you to figure out how far you want it to go, and if you really want to take the risk of ruining a good friendship if it doesn't work out.

 

[toast1985]

Too close for comfort if I was one for the opposing two in the relationship. I think for the sake of both of your current relationships, you need to take a step back.

...or take a risk.

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler [+]

Spoiler

where dem pics playa!?

 

[patentboy23]

Why has no one called for pics?? Your chick sounds insecure and you just need to reassure her that she's the only one (if that's the case).  If you're doubting ya friend's true feelings for you, then why dnt u jus straight up ask her if she's feeling you more than a friend.  You may need to check yaself out too so make sure you have feelings for the right girl.  From my personal exp., it's possible to have platonic relationships with females.  I've been cool with my friend Liz for a good 10yrs now and we're purely just friends and are not compatible; we talk a few times a week and she calls me her bff.  She's a Spanish chik who likes preppy white boys, watches the Hills and all tht crap, and has no cheeks at all or chest game.  I'm a blk guy into white girls and all other type of girls, Boondocks and South Park, and am more laidback and socially outgoing.  I jokingly asked Liz if she'd ever let me beat and she said "what's beat?" 

such an airhead sometimes

.  I told her what it was and she was like "You're like a 'brother' to me" 

@ the irony.  

 

[mben32]

Originally Posted by icyhotpatch

So I have this homegirl who I swear I love like a sister and NOTHING more. She feels the same way with me, saying I'm the big brother she's never had. For a long time, we've been the best of friends and swear that neither of us will ever fall for the other. I have a girlfriend who I love to death and plan to marry one day. She just started going out with someone and swears she's in love with him.

Now here's the difficult part...All of my friends and hers swear that we would be the perfect couple. Some of my friends even accuse me of cheating on my own girlfriend with this best friend of mine. So I tell her about it and everyone tells her the same exact thing. People seriously think were dating. It's funny to us because we know that we'll be the best of friends forever, nothing more, nothing less. My girlfriend is kinda paranoid about the situation and thinks I care more about my best friend than her (which totally isn't true). All of her boyfriends don't seem to like me because they think I'm too protective over her (but that's how she likes it).

Sometimes we play along with these false rumors just for kicks. She calls me "babe" and stuff like that, and I find it funny and amusing. We even started saying "I love you" to each other and always end up laughing. Lately though, she's been telling me that she really loves me. She swears that it's just in a brotherly kind of way, but to me, that's kind of a strong thing to say. She says she misses me every time I don't see her for awhile and texts me everyday. She talks to me more than she talks to her new boyfriend. She's my best friend and I would do anything for her, just like I would do anything for my girlfriend.

So I ask, am I treading dangerous territory here? Are platonic relationships between and man and a woman really possible? I truly love my girlfriend now and would NEVER leave her but my best friend seems to be getting closer and closer to me. I doubt I'll ever develop feelings for her because I'm totally fine with our relationship but I can't say the same for her. Am I just being paranoid?

Didn't read all of this, but I know what yu're saying.

I'm in the same exact position, My best-friend, other than my brother, is a female. An attractive one at that & we have the same problems y'all have, everyone thinking we make the perfect couple etc.

As long as yu both know the situation & understand yall friendship is WAY more valuable than any relationship yu two can develop, then yall should be fine.

Yu may just be paranoid.

 

[Betonblck]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

I don't believe in it.

SOMEBODY wants the other person.

No dude is going to waste his TIME and EFFORT being "friends" with a female unless he is gay. 

But I also think people use the word friend too loosely. FOlks call people their friend when they are nothing more than an associate or someone they went to school/worked with.

I say no.

Question: In a world where there were no such thing as repercussions, would you hit this girl?

How old are you if I may ask? You might be wasting your time. Plus I think if you were busy with girls you WERE interested in, you wouldn't have time to play these middle school games with this girl.

DC, My man.  You are missing one major point.  You make platonic friends with chicks to date/smash her friends.  Especially if she is a bad chick, she probably got some bad friends.

But it's a different type of friends though, no need to even communicate all like that or even chill one on one, just like one text a week like "yo whats good for the weekend, you coming out".  "Ok you bring your friends and I'll bring my friends...".   Ya digg.


  

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by icyhotpatch

I really don't consider this a "middle school game". I've known her for 5 years. I'm 23 years old and in a serious relationship. I don't feel like I'm wasting my time being friends with her because I'm already in a pretty serious relationship. I'm not gonna lie..when I first met my best friend, I thought she was cute as hell and smashing was definitely something that crossed my mind. She was one of those girls I thought was attractive but wasn't really my type (and to be honest, I probably had no chance in hell with). All these years I've known her, she's always had a boyfriend so dating her never crossed my mind. We were just casual acquaintances at first but really clicked on a friendship level. I was totally fine with being friends with her (call me gay if you wish, you don't know anyway). I met my girlfriend not too long afterwards and became pretty serious with her. This allowed me to become even more comfortable with my best friend and grow closer to her because I knew I would never develop feelings for her because I was, and still is, head over heels in love with my girlfriend.

It's just that I feel I'm being overly paranoid in thinking that she's dropping some hints. Part of me is extremely paranoid about it and part of me is saying I'm just thinking about it too much and making something out of nothing.

1. Underlined is WHY you are "friends" with her. Again as I said, it wasn't by choice. You just didn't go for it. Don't make it seem like all of this was by design. No man is going to waste his time being FRIENDS with a female he met by design. You got friend-zoned dude. Simple as that.

2. You have a woman. Why the hell are you telling another woman you love her? Come on man. If the roles were reversed, how cool would you be with that? Not cool at all. I wish someone I was with was routinely telling someone of the opposite sex (that they essentially failed with) that they love them on a constant basis. Not cool man. Out of respect for your woman, you and this "friend" are too close to eachother man. Seriously.

 

[essential]

Originally Posted by LosALMIGHTY

it's possible.

 

[infyrno23]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Originally Posted by Infyrno23

it is possible.
you just have to keep your D in your pants.... self control, dont let yourself catch feelings, and get in a sappy movie love story.
I have about 4 or 5 girls that i am REALLY cool with, like they are really close to me, and i have never done anything with them,

it is possible... you both have to understand what it is

1. Have you not done anything by CHOICE or because they don't want you?
2. How old are you? Grown men tend not to have CLOSE female friends (outside of work, school, etc) that they just hang out with and have done NOTHING with.
3. If you had the chance to hit, would you hit any of them?

#1. By Choice... i dont think of them in that way, i really look at them like family. the other part of the question i cant answer because i never tried, and i dont care of they did or didnt "want" me

2. Im 27 now, these friends i have had i have been close with them all for about 8-10 years. Its called maturity, and any real player knows, its better to have platonic female friends then to smash every female you come in contact with... it ultimatly gets you more action.

3. No
  

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by cguy610

DC, My man.  You are missing one major point.  You make platonic friends with chicks to date/smash her friends.  Especially if she is a bad chick, she probably got some bad friends.

But it's a different type of friends though, no need to even communicate all like that or even chill one on one, just like one text a week like "yo whats good for the weekend, you coming out".  "Ok you bring your friends and I'll bring my friends...".   Ya digg.

I don't consider that being platonic friends though. I call that investing.

---

@ Infernom more power to you. So are these women unattractive? Because I can't possibly see how you are close to 4-5 attractive females and not WANT or DESIRE, or if had the chance would turn it down. I just can't see that being the case. You call it maturity, I call it unrealistic. Either you got friend zoned or they are some sort of business partners of yours. I need to know more about the relationships you all have to say any more.

 

[iknowrap]

OP i was in your situation before to the T exactly how u described it...its died down now tho cuz my female best friend moved an hour away lol

my girlfriend broke it down to me one time how she just felt like I was with her until the day that me n my best friend decide that we were ready to be together...she was really paranoid, and the chick was the one that kinda hooked us up smh

i think its possible but the closer n closer you guys get feelings will develop but u gotta be mature enough to know that it cud ruin a friendship and a relationship with that person my not be what u thought it would be