Post your most embarrassing sexual encounters vol. 4

[jinkazama]

I'm having make up sex with my lady. She's going crazy on the kid. A few minutes passes by and she just starts to cry and lays down on me tombout "Kyle, don't hurt me, I don't know what I've do. I'd go crazy..."


Damn..been there $$@ is scary especially when you know all you ever wanted from the babe was to hit.

 

[got shoes]

Originally Posted by MILLION DOLLAR STACKS

Originally Posted by ericberry14

Originally Posted by CE0 Mal

^ Lucky there's a mute button at work.

tha $+*% are you talkin about?

 

[AL Andretti]

---

@ alot of these stories, but some are just...

 

[superantigen]

Originally Posted by ericberry14

Originally Posted by CE0 Mal

^ Lucky there's a mute button at work.

tha $+*% are you talkin about?

...

 

[be23forlife]

ericberry14 wrote:

It was implied, my bad if you aren't smart enough to keep up.

Log off, fam.
fam all you said was

Originally Posted by CE0 Mal

^ Lucky there's a mute button at work.

 

[jayadict92]

 

[al omoaney]

Some of ya'll frontin...a couple of ya'll ain't even SEEN real buns in the wild. Ya'll decided to try to get a couple pimp hat emoticons forthe hell of it. Admit it.

 

[nighthawk9421]

Originally Posted by ATLien Seeko

Man, I didnt feel like typing mine, but after reading all this funny $!%#, I had to give back

Ight, so I got this chick that I met on the net over my crib for the second time, and it's always been a guarenteed smash every time she came over. She was my personal crash dummy. So we get to the crib and I start doin my usual, call moms and my sister to see where they at and what time they commin home fore doin the damn thang so I could save myself the embarrisment. Call moms and she's not comming home until 11:00PM and my sister is at my other sisters place and she always stays over there late when she goes, so I had the green light.

So we commence the smash session and the clock is the least of my worries when I'm in der, (Had a chick who would always give me my smash times and stats after we smashed like she was standing looking in 3rd person or sum... I never understood it. My bad for gettin off topic... I digress...) so I lost track of time. All I know was that there was sunlight when we started and before I knew it, it was dark outside. Baby girl had some good gushy too. At the time, I had two twin beds pushed together as my "bed" and them joints were seperated like Pangea from the quake we was making. Oh boy... Chick is on top of me laying forward with the derriere North and you know how when you know something unexpected is about to happen, everything goes in slow mo? Like when you're falling, you notice every single detail of the fall? Well, I heard her hand hit the door handle, heard the lil gears in the door moving, and I'm thinking to myself "this is about to be some embarrising $!%#!" I'm on my back and she's on top of me and were stairing at the door... Waiting, because there was really nothing we could do in time. Moms walks in, lets out some weird !%% shriek, turns around and slams the door. I look at the clock and it's like 11:33 or sum, and I felt low for like a split second.. Real low. But I was still in der so I forgot about it the next half of that split second and the smashing commenced. Evidently the chick wasnt even embarrised because all she said was "OMG, are you in trouble?!" and I was like "@$%# !+#%%!?!?!?!?!?!?" and kept going... What a pro she was... My phone rang, and I knew it was my mom, but I ignored it

It stopped ringing then I got a voice mail.... Still smashing... About 30 minutes after my mom walked in, we were finally done, and I go to check my phone.

I got like 3 missed calls and a voice mail from mom. At this point I'm back down on earth and I'm feeling like "That was some disrespectful !%% $!%#!

" Her thang was like toxins in my brain and threw away my judgement or sum while I was in there... So I check my voice mail and my mom says in this docile, soft !%% voice "I just wanted you to know that I'm not mad at you and I made you some chicken. It's downstairs on the stove. Goodnight." I'm confused..............

So we walk out my room so I can take her home, and I'm peepin out the door and around corners like Solid Snake and $!%# so there wouldnt be any akward run-ins with mom on the way out... Coast is clear and we walk out to the car and I make my way to the kitchen to grab some chicken mom whipped up while I was smashin(My appetite is insane after a good session, so that was ON POINT!). I drove her home, and came home and went to bed. The next day was like any other day. Mom didnt even mention it, but I had to appologise. She was real cool about it. Cool my ftw!

Cliffnotes:

-Bring home a crash dummy
-Call to see if the coast is clear before I make my moves
-We do with crash dummys are built for
-I loose track of time
-Mom walks in on us with crash dummys buttocks North
-Girls thang thang got me in a trance and we keep smashing after moms walks in

-I get a voice mail from moms and I check it 30 mins later after smashing
-The voice mail was just moms saying she maid some chicken and it's downstairs on the stove
-Appologised to mom and went on with my life
-Cool moms ftw!

peepin out the door and around corners like Solid Snake

 

[thousandaire]

Originally Posted by RocSole

Originally Posted by streetchemistry

Originally Posted by BTK

I didn't think this pic could get any worse execution until this dude posted

i lol'd.

Me too, I seen that pic a million times but it just made me bust out laughing for some reason

 

[skierluke3]

http://thefoggymonocle.com/2009/03/09/a-gentleman-declines-an-invitation-for-romance/

 

[nighthawk9421]

this one time i was with this one shorty id been smashing for a few months. we were outside her house its like 3am, were in the car thats our usual spot in thecar no matter where were at, but shes like im on my last day of my period so im like "$$!% it" and i start to smash. bout a few min into it i say"damn dogs i could smell their shti from here" we were across the street from her house, and i was like "freaking dogs" she looks at me andsays "sorry its me" i was like %@* for reals. she then leaves telling me she feels embarrased/dirty and needs to shower. that smell was foul smell...

 

[datruth92803]

Originally Posted by nighthawk9421

this one time i was with this one shorty id been smashing for a few months. we were outside her house its like 3am, were in the car thats our usual spot in the car no matter where were at, but shes like im on my last day of my period so im like "$$!% it" and i start to smash. bout a few min into it i say "damn dogs i could smell their shti from here" we were across the street from her house, and i was like "freaking dogs" she looks at me and says "sorry its me" i was like %@* for reals. she then leaves telling me she feels embarrased/dirty and needs to shower. that smell was foul smell...

Son that right there made me spit out my whole bannana shake. Im in the library at school getting the stink eye.. Son what did u say when she peeled. Like thatnext convo had to be realy akward unless u just played it like it never happened

 

[nighthawk9421]

Originally Posted by datruth92803

Originally Posted by nighthawk9421

this one time i was with this one shorty id been smashing for a few months. we were outside her house its like 3am, were in the car thats our usual spot in the car no matter where were at, but shes like im on my last day of my period so im like "$$!% it" and i start to smash. bout a few min into it i say "damn dogs i could smell their shti from here" we were across the street from her house, and i was like "freaking dogs" she looks at me and says "sorry its me" i was like %@* for reals. she then leaves telling me she feels embarrased/dirty and needs to shower. that smell was foul smell...

Son that right there made me spit out my whole bannana shake. Im in the library at school getting the stink eye.. Son what did u say when she peeled. Like that next convo had to be realy akward unless u just played it like it never happened

Next day she calls me telling me she was so sorry, and she would make it up to me. Believe me she did

 

[cubinican]

Originally Posted by CharmCityKid

Originally Posted by solefood229

this didnt happen to me but it involved two of my homies






two of my friends ran a train on a chick while one was giving backshots the other one was getting domed up, the chick told the friend who was getting domed not
to cum in her mouth but he was like eff that he letting off her mouth any way




so when he gets ready to bust the chick moves and he busts on my home boys chest of was giving backshots

the jokes that came after were classic

that's why running trains are NOT a go.

 

[ikari xd]

^ $$@ were you searching for that made you gravedig this %!%$

 

[solefood229]

my homeboy who got skeeted on was in town this weekend, tell me why another homie bring that $!## up smh

dude looked like ol boy from belly sitting on the couch, "you gon get yours B"

 

[calypso chanta]

Originally Posted by ericberry14

Originally Posted by CE0 Mal

^ Lucky there's a mute button at work.

tha $+*% are you talkin about?

who bumped this old thread?

 

[a55a5in11]

this thread had me on here spitting food all over my monitor

 

[shoes n basketball]

Originally Posted by memphisboi55

and she felt the covers and was like , DAMN you must of had me super wet! In my head i was just like MMMMhhhmmmmm, skeet juices!

Thought i was that dude the next day at school.

 

[mac a roni]

[color= rgb(102, 0, 153)]I used to wake up and smash my ex...half sleep and all, randomly pop a boner while in a dream and%%$@.....well i was on a drought, slept in this chicks bed, and you finish the rest.....IDS but i caught a mean elbow[/color]

 

[an dee 51o]

 

[caponecartels]

Originally Posted by an dee 51o

 

[flight club sucks]

Okay this is not really embarrassing, but it is definitely the craziest thing that ever happened to me while in the act.
This was junior year of high school with my girl at the time, this cute Korean girl, we kinda made it our ritual to smash in the Pottery Barn women'srestroom after school, and never ran into to any problems with it. But one time we went in there and we were getting it on and everything thing was lovely,I'm hitting it from the back getting it in, she's moaning all loud, and I was feeling like a king. Right then we hear the door to the bathroom open upand a woman walking in, so me and my girl look at each other and both jump on the toilet as fast as we can and be as quiet as possible. We were thinking oh+!@$ we are gonna get caught. Luckily the woman who came into the bathroom wasn't an employing or a cop investigating, she just went into the stall next tous and sat on the toilet, so me and my girl started to relax and made out thinking this woman was gonna leave soon and we could get back at it. However, afterthe woman was in the stall for a good 5 minutes we didn't hear her take down her pants, pee or anything so we were just like what the hell is she doing inthere? We just wanted to smash. Then the woman starts performing some seance or some ****, we hear her chanting and singing some wild hymn, and then chickstarted burning some paper and dropping the ashes on the floor around her feet, and we could see from the shadow of her hands on the floor, that she was wavingher hands over the burning pile of ashes. At this point me and my girl were completely freaked out, so we quietly started to get dressed and were about to bookit, next thing we knew some firemen came barging through the bathroom door and started pounding on the stall door the woman was in and started yelling at her"Ma'am what the hell do you think you are doing?" "You cannot start fires in public bathrooms!" and all that kind of stuff, so thenthey knocked on the stall door that me and my girl were in and asked "is anybody in there? are you okay?" So my girl girl just hit them with the"whats going on? yeah Im fine I just have a stomach ache, I'm gonna be in here for a while". So eventually the cops came and arrested the womanand everyone cleared out of the bathroom, needless to say after all that we got back to smashing, I busted one in her for the first time (she was on the pill)then we booked it and just laughed about the craziness we had just witnessed.

hope that counts

Cliff notes:
-Me and my girl frequently smash in the women's bathroom at Pottery Barn after school
-This time a woman comes in and goes into the stall next to us
-Me and my girl jump up on the toilet and wait for her to leave so we could start smashing again
-The woman in the stall starts chanting and burning papers and drops the ashes around her feet
-Me and my girl prepare to book it, but then the fire department busts in the bathroom, the cops come and arrest the woman
-Me and my girl are mad nervous then when everyone left we laughed and proceeded to smash

 

[club29]

Originally Posted by CE0 Mal

It's not a joke? I'm at work...I use the phones to make business calls...I read/skim NT while on the phones...I use the mute button when I find something funny...

Are you really that dense?

yeah, because we REALLY couldve figured that out without you telling us you use the phone alot as part of your job.

idiot.

 

[Master Zik]

FLAGRANT FOUL
C'mon man putting ya post in bold letters too