Why Are So Many Successful Black Women Unmarried?

[crazy dav0]

Originally Posted by jimmybeanz

Originally Posted by Nike Star Jay

A combination of high unrealistic standards and a slim choice of options.

fixed. for a woman to say she will only date dudes that are 6'4 or better (and other dumb chit like that) is ridiculous. too many people are getting "standards" confused with "preferences".

this ... but as they start to date outside of their race they will be more successful ...

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by Nyota de la star

So the woman has to be the working woman and the house maid. We can't split duties?
Yup, it's settled NOT getting married.

Who said that?

This is another example of the sassiness.

I mention a woman needs to know how to cook and clean, and somehow you translate that into being a maid?

This is what I am talking about. Black women feeling as though being a WOMAN to your MAN means you are a slave.

 

[capricorn1229]

So for the black men in this post...how are you going to raise your daughters(if you have them) so that they don't grow up to be like the black women youfind flaws with?

You have to break the cycle some way right? Remember though the society around us plays a part.

Those two parent homes are important so I hope you are stillwith your baby mothers or you pick a good woman to marry regardless of her race. A father figure holds just as much weight as a mother. What are going to do tostop this VICIOUS cycle in the home?

 

[crazy dav0]

Originally Posted by Rudemiester

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Again, black women in general don't respect black men.

Yoo I brought this point up with a successful black woman and she wanted to tear my head off!!!

I was asking her why black women aggressively go at dudes of other races when they enter the area but they wont go at black men like that and would rather wait for them to pursue her.. And she didnt have no answers for me...

this too .... realest and truest statement made in this thread ...

 

[doublejs07]

Originally Posted by UbUiBeMe

Originally Posted by Club29

Damn, the women featured in the video were all pretty sexy too.

Yep, and when you're fine like that, I don't blame the ladies for waiting for the right man to scoop them off their feet..Although they have some pretty high standards, men may be intimidated to approach such ladies that have substance.

The chemist described the convo she had with the white man, but he didnt ask for her number. She should've came off that pedestal and asked for his. What's the big deal about asking for a guy's number if you're genuinely interested.

I don't see it that way....of course when you're trying to get at a woman, the first thing you see is their looks. That's whatinitially attracts you to the opposite sex. [SAS] HOWEVA [/SAS] once the conversation starts and you're past the physical attraction, you gotta bringsomething more to the table than just being pretty. As a man, you SHOULD know how to BS in certain situations to get in the drawers...but if you'relooking for more than just a one-nighter, you want your woman to have a great personality to go with her good looks.

I don't think it's just their "standards" that is keeping them single...it goes deeper than that. After watching 6 minutes of that clip,their looks didn't mean %$%$ because of how stank their attitudes were. Getting off your high-horse and having an ounce of humility goes a long way. Ifthey could put that in check, they wouldn't need to be on dateline telling their sob stories of why they are single. %$%$, we know why!!!

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by Capricorn1229

So for the black men in this post...how are you going to raise your daughters(if you have them) so that they don't grow up to be like the black women you find flaws with?

You have to break the cycle some way right? Remember though the society around us plays a part.

Those two parent homes are important so I hope you are still with your baby mothers or you pick a good woman to marry regardless of her race. A father figure holds just as much weight as a mother. What are going to do to stop this VICIOUS cycle in the home?

I will be present. That is the #1 thing men have to do to raise good daughters.

I will show her (through my interactions with my wife) how a man and woman should operate together.

I will TALK to her and be in her ear about the types of dudes she should deal with/stay away from.

She will see me as an example as how a man should be, so she really won't have to ask many questions.

So many girls NEVER had that example to follow.

 

[mytmouse76]

Originally Posted by haiti5

Honestly, lets keep it real man.nobody is discussing the root of these relationship problems. What happened to the black family?! in the 1950s and 1960s we was good..then all of a sudden you see black men drifting away from their black families and black women becoming these scorned angry creatures. @$%! seriously.

that's a big part of it. So many women dont even know how to react when a decent guy comes along cuz they've never seen a relationship between and goodman and a good woman. I think some of these women feel they shouldn't have to lower their standards as fas as what he does and how much money he makesbecause they've worked so hard to get where they are. Women across the board generally marry up and men marry down as far as status goes.

 

[nyota de la star]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Originally Posted by Nyota de la star

So the woman has to be the working woman and the house maid. We can't split duties?
Yup, it's settled NOT getting married.

Who said that?

This is another example of the sassiness.

I mention a woman needs to know how to cook and clean, and somehow you translate that into being a maid?

This is what I am talking about. Black women feeling as though being a WOMAN to your MAN means you are a slave.

Cooking and cleaning is what a maid does right. I dunno.

I'm kidding.
I hate gender roles though.

 

[eplaya06]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Originally Posted by Capricorn1229

So for the black men in this post...how are you going to raise your daughters(if you have them) so that they don't grow up to be like the black women you find flaws with?

You have to break the cycle some way right? Remember though the society around us plays a part.

Those two parent homes are important so I hope you are still with your baby mothers or you pick a good woman to marry regardless of her race. A father figure holds just as much weight as a mother. What are going to do to stop this VICIOUS cycle in the home?

I will be present. That is the #1 thing men have to do to raise good daughters.

I will show her (through my interactions with my wife) how a man and woman should operate together.

I will TALK to her and be in her ear about the types of dudes she should deal with/stay away from.

She will see me as an example as how a man should be, so she really won't have to ask many questions.

So many girls NEVER had that example to follow.

QFT

 

[haiti5]

lol im raising my daughter the same way my mother raised me. have standards simple. no elitism..no settling..if your mate has nothing to offer you ..then youdont need to be with that person.

 

[elocin023]

For the most part I agree with DC....

never thought I would be saying that.

 

[ravagebx]

Originally Posted by UbUiBeMe

Originally Posted by Club29

Damn, the women featured in the video were all pretty sexy too.

Yep, and when you're fine like that, I don't blame the ladies for waiting for the right man to scoop them off their feet..Although they have some pretty high standards, men may be intimidated to approach such ladies that have substance.

The chemist described the convo she had with the white man, but he didnt ask for her number. She should've came off that pedestal and asked for his. What's the big deal about asking for a guy's number if you're genuinely interested.

I don't even think its about being intimidated. When you're young and a pretty girl won't give you the time of day it's notbecause she has standards, it's because she's stuck up. When you grow up it doesn't change, you still look at them as stuck up. They are thinkingthey are sticking to their standards, us men are thinking "she's stuck up

". Like you mentioned that chemist chick should've got that dudes number. She said "I don't do that". Well then how can youblame anyone but yourself?

And as for the cooking and cleaning thing, my wife has to be open to doing both. You don't have to be good at it and we can definitely share duties butthat "I don't cook or clean" mentality is not gonna fly. I cook and I clean but I'm not down for a total role reversal having me being theprimary on that front.

 

[blackmagnus514]

DC has been speaking the truth for the most part. Gender roles in this society are all messed up. Its like you're @ the point where if you can find a womanwho can cook, clean, be smart and is eduated you;d better wife her asap.

Women have been brainwashed to have ridiculous standards for their mates. Cool. But if you don't even have your !!% right, WHY should I downgrade. Its likesomeone telling you to fix a car and they don't understand the mechanical system.I've gone on dates with women and asked them what they look for in aman then I ask what they bring to the table...the same generic script that their actions show they don't even live by.

I do think that money shouldn't change you..but be real..if you got 50 mil, your standards in a mate would immediately shoot up.

IMO, a relationship is balanced when a man knows how to be a man. We think in terms of survival and wanting to be the best at what we do. At least we should.Women IMO think in terms of security. When a woman can find a man that will be a real man, they'll stick with him.

Another problem is that women sometimes waste their youth messing with no good men. When I date a woman and she starts talking this !!% about dating a thug orsomeone who sells weed, its a turnoff. Number one, that's a low level hustle and I beieve in going all out. Number 2, I don't wanna deal with nobaggage or some hot head down the block trying to kill me over some box .

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by haiti5

lol im raising my daughter the same way my mother raised me. have standards simple. no elitism..no settling..if your mate has nothing to offer you ..then you dont need to be with that person.

I somewhat disagree. While I won't promote elitism, I will let her understand that some dudes aren't on her level and she doesn't needto be wasting her time on them. Why? Because she has too much to lose. Self respect/worth and Reputation to herself and the family being a few.

Not sure if you would call that eliteism or not.

 

[airmissionretro]

Originally Posted by Regal Black

Tariq Nasheed

he's that dude

Anyone have his new book?----I can't seem to find his book on amazon or b&N.

 

[haiti5]

nah DC thats what i mean about standards..level etc all the same


and i agree with blackmagnus all the way..many of these women have been completely wronged early on in life by men..is that an excuse no..not at all but at thesame time i understand where that mindset is coming from. you could also go back to blaming the black man for not being there for his daughters *shrugs

 

[mytmouse76]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Originally Posted by haiti5

lol im raising my daughter the same way my mother raised me. have standards simple. no elitism..no settling..if your mate has nothing to offer you ..then you dont need to be with that person.

I somewhat disagree. While I won't promote elitism, I will let her understand that some dudes aren't on her level and she doesn't need to be wasting her time on them. Why? Because she has too much to lose. Self respect/worth and Reputation to herself and the family being a few.

Not sure if you would call that eliteism or not.
didn't you just say the same thing be did. Where is the disagreement? Lol

 

[capricorn1229]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Originally Posted by Capricorn1229

So for the black men in this post...how are you going to raise your daughters(if you have them) so that they don't grow up to be like the black women you find flaws with?

You have to break the cycle some way right? Remember though the society around us plays a part.

Those two parent homes are important so I hope you are still with your baby mothers or you pick a good woman to marry regardless of her race. A father figure holds just as much weight as a mother. What are going to do to stop this VICIOUS cycle in the home?

I will be present. That is the #1 thing men have to do to raise good daughters.

I will show her (through my interactions with my wife) how a man and woman should operate together.

I will TALK to her and be in her ear about the types of dudes she should deal with/stay away from.

She will see me as an example as how a man should be, so she really won't have to ask many questions.

So many girls NEVER had that example to follow.

You yourself have said you are sexist so would you want your daughter to marry a sexist gentlemen? Remember your daughter is your pride and joy.

You have no sons.

 

[southsidechi773]

Unfortunately this is nothing but another "Black Men Ain't _____ Story" which like usual speak of no solutions or logical reasoning why unionsare not at the same rate of the Pre Civil-Right/Feminist Era.

I will be the first to say that I have preferences and requirements...like a requirement for me is that any female I talk to will have all of her teeth and Ihave a preference for women with big breast.
But from what I have seen their requirements/preferences are illogical to a certain extent.

Another thing I have noticed is that a lot of Women (and Men included) are just not built for marriage,especially in this country.I did not look at thevideo,but I am going to assume that it is in the same vain as a story I read in the WaPost a couple of weeks ago,about Helena Andrews and her "Quest"to find a Black Man that is up to her standards.

Problem with these kind of Women is that they always cry about how Men want them to give up the their careers and not be "so educated",which is abunch of bull...reality is whenever they get the Masters/Doctorates,Corporate Jobs,etc. is that they develop a huge "Sex In The City" mentality andthey think life is nothing but $1000 shoes and exotic coffees and all that other materialistic crap and that is cool to a certain degree,because we all gothrough our phases,it is just in order to get Married have a healthy Marriage a lot has to be sacrificed.

It is pretty obvious they are ready professionally and financially,but attitude/mentality wise they may never be ready,which is sad because I would think Womenwould understand that once they hit a certain age they are officially on the "Clock" and instead of wallowing in victimhood "Oprah-Style",they would "Broaden their Horizons" or "Alter their Mindset" to be more realistic.

So in the long run these Women need to decide if the want to be Oprah or Michelle Obama...can't be both.

 

[jimmybeanz]

Originally Posted by mytmouse76

Originally Posted by haiti5

Honestly, lets keep it real man.nobody is discussing the root of these relationship problems. What happened to the black family?! in the 1950s and 1960s we was good..then all of a sudden you see black men drifting away from their black families and black women becoming these scorned angry creatures. @$%! seriously.

that's a big part of it. So many women dont even know how to react when a decent guy comes along cuz they've never seen a relationship between and good man and a good woman. I think some of these women feel they shouldn't have to lower their standards as fas as what he does and how much money he makes because they've worked so hard to get where they are. Women across the board generally marry up and men marry down as far as status goes.

i'm glad you said that, myt. men have married down since forever. now that women are able to make (almost) as much money as a man, whycan't THEY marry down? if we're both college educated, but you make $100,000 and i make $45,000, what's the problem? and i don't want to hearthat "men can't stand women making more than them" cop-out.

WHY DO SUCCESSFUL MEN HAVE TO "SETTLE" FOR WOMEN MAKING SEVERAL TIMES LESS THAN THEM, BUT WOMEN DON'T???

 

[ubuibeme]

Originally Posted by DoubleJs07

Originally Posted by UbUiBeMe

Originally Posted by Club29

Damn, the women featured in the video were all pretty sexy too.

Yep, and when you're fine like that, I don't blame the ladies for waiting for the right man to scoop them off their feet..Although they have some pretty high standards, men may be intimidated to approach such ladies that have substance.

The chemist described the convo she had with the white man, but he didnt ask for her number. She should've came off that pedestal and asked for his. What's the big deal about asking for a guy's number if you're genuinely interested.

I don't see it that way....of course when you're trying to get at a woman, the first thing you see is their looks. That's what initially attracts you to the opposite sex. [SAS] HOWEVA [/SAS] once the conversation starts and you're past the physical attraction, you gotta bring something more to the table than just being pretty. As a man, you SHOULD know how to BS in certain situations to get in the drawers...but if you're looking for more than just a one-nighter, you want your woman to have a great personality to go with her good looks.

I don't think it's just their "standards" that is keeping them single...it goes deeper than that. After watching 6 minutes of that clip, their looks didn't mean %$%$ because of how stank their attitudes were. Getting off your high-horse and having an ounce of humility goes a long way. If they could put that in check, they wouldn't need to be on dateline telling their sob stories of why they are single. %$%$, we know why!!!

I actually agree with what you're saying. However, I didn't see their stank attitudes that you're referring to. I think these women are sticking bytheir guns and wont commit to anything not worth their time. I mean, I think that's fair.

On the contrary, this news special is about black women being unmarried. Something or someone has to compromise in order for these women to be married. Whetherthat be showing humility, changing attitudes, etc. is up to the people in the relationship.

 

[blackmagnus514]

And honestly, men have more leverage. When we're on the comeup, women recognize it and are really attracted to it. They know that an ambitious hard workingman will eventually come up. It is what it is.

I'm not even exaggerating. Women will give men more play of potential than vice versa. Men we look for loyalty, trust and if a chick has our back. Itrained myself to find a hardworking female...but my main issue is that I want the credit for my hard work. I've seen it with someof my friends thatthey'd come up and their girl's wasn't supportive at all till they hit big.

And honestly, when you're working hard, you want companionship of the opposite sex who can understand that your time is valuable. I talked about mycommitment issues on my blog but that's something I pointed out. When you want companionship and you're hustling, sometimes you want it at yourconvenience. If you're upfront about it. No harm, no foul. We're all adults here.

 

[ravagebx]

Another thing that is being overlooked is the fact that many black women think they can rely on genetics and our predisposition to "age well."That's unrealistic again. Many women I know from high school all the way on up through college have gotten into their late twenties and early thirties andhave fallen off. Meanwhile most of my dudes are in good shape and are growing into their mature looks. Hell most of us are still approaching our peaks. So whatthe hell do we want with the stuck up chick who fell off or is one her way down? If we can't find a girl in our age range who is still on top of her gameand successful best believe we will opt out for a young chick we can mold into what we want.

 

[ubuibeme]

Originally Posted by RavageBX

Originally Posted by UbUiBeMe

Originally Posted by Club29

Damn, the women featured in the video were all pretty sexy too.

Yep, and when you're fine like that, I don't blame the ladies for waiting for the right man to scoop them off their feet..Although they have some pretty high standards, men may be intimidated to approach such ladies that have substance.

The chemist described the convo she had with the white man, but he didnt ask for her number. She should've came off that pedestal and asked for his. What's the big deal about asking for a guy's number if you're genuinely interested.

I don't even think its about being intimidated. When you're young and a pretty girl won't give you the time of day it's not because she has standards, it's because she's stuck up. When you grow up it doesn't change, you still look at them as stuck up. They are thinking they are sticking to their standards, us men are thinking "she's stuck up

". Like you mentioned that chemist chick should've got that dudes number. She said "I don't do that". Well then how can you blame anyone but yourself?

And as for the cooking and cleaning thing, my wife has to be open to doing both. You don't have to be good at it and we can definitely share duties but that "I don't cook or clean" mentality is not gonna fly. I cook and I clean but I'm not down for a total role reversal having me being the primary on that front.

Well said.

Like I said in my reply a few seconds ago, something or someone has to compromise in order for a relationship to blossom to marriage. Everything won't beperfect, so something has to give. If she won't ask for a guy's number, then F it. She can keep complaining and will be miserable (unmarried) the restof her life.

 

[c money 88 05]

Originally Posted by Nyota de la star

So the woman has to be the working woman and the house maid. We can't split duties?
Yup, it's settled NOT getting married.

I was just gonna fall back and watch with popcorn in hand...

but it's not like that, not with everyone anyway. PERSONALLY do I want that? hell yea of course, that doesn't mean I can't do the same thingsometimes and we split the house duties if we both split the income production. Everything in a relationship should be give and take, you give a little and youtake a little but at the end both people should feel balanced and happy.


since I'm posting in here I guess I'll put my 2 cents in here...
so many black women in general aren't married, "successful" or not. How are we defining success though? That's part of what needs to beanswered before we start forming theories and go to mythbusters with this. Are we saying the amount of $$$$$ she has, her highest degree earned, her job title,the car she drives, etc.? OR are we talking about balancing her life, living with a purpose and fulfilling it, having the ability to raise more than justherself for more than just the moment, etc.?

Sure people work hard for money, degrees, job titles, extravagant things, and the lavish life in general but that doesn't necessarily define success. A lotof people lose sight of that and that could be the case here.
Black people in general didn't have much all that long ago, some of us still have older relatives that can hit us with real-life experiences of horribletimes they saw when they were younger. Some people look at that and the way things use to be and say "I'm gonna be successful and work to have a nicehouse/car/job/stuff" and in doing so don't learn "true success" or how to live for themselves.

Back in the summer I use to do these "thought of the day" texts and in one of them I asked "how do you define success, etc..." so and thesame question needs to be asked here: How do you define success? Each person that does will answer with a completely different response, and you may start tosee that "successful" black women ARE married, but many PEOPLE IN GENERAL don't know how to define success and as a result remain unsuccessful.




now there are many things that go into people's perception of success, how people act, and all that other stuff, I'm gonna end this post here thoughI'm getting off topic a little/have to get back to cleaning around here