Women and Men can't be friends? vol. why not NT?

[ccastro02]

Sure, it would work for that party. However, on some level the party who is attracted remains in a permanent state of active desire, waiting for that one opportunity (rebound, drunk night, etc.) to cash in. That's not a friend, that's penis in disguise. A semi-literal Trojan Horse.

My woman has one male friend, and he has lots of other male friends, so it's whatever. All I'm saying is that I (or many other potential partners) am not gonna be cool with my chick voluntarily hanging around some dude who wants to **** her. No exes, no buddy boos, no work hubbies, none of it.

Call me insecure, call me Ishmael, that's just my belief and it's backed up by every experience Ive ever seen or had regarding the matter.

Assume that all guys want to **** your girl. While assuming that, understand that there's NOTHING you can do to prevent her from doing what she wants to do. Wether you "Let" your girl hang out with another guy friend or not, if desired, she will play you regardless. You have to pick them right, and trust them enough to respect you and the relationship. If you think your girl's shady, why are you with her? if you trust her, than why are you trying to restrain her?

 

[trav t]

In all seriousness, though, I do have quite a few attractive female friends from college. The close ones are mostly from my same dorm floor and others are from class or student orgs. Some are friend zone, some I flirt with on occasion, others we've done huge favors for each other like helping with class/papers, etc. It helps to have female friends because they can introduce you to other females or give you a female perspective for your dating questions.

Back to the gf making new male friends, hell no I would not be okay with it. Unless I am invited every time they "hang out."

 

[powerballin]

college doesn't count. its not the real world

 

[trav t]

True, but those are the only female friends I have. It's true, you don't meet women at work or on the street and exchange numbers, then say, "Hey, let's be friends!"

 

[solarius49]

True, but those are the only female friends I have. It's true, you don't meet women at work or on the street and exchange numbers, then say, "Hey, let's be friends!"

no, but you dont meet your male friends that you have like that either. You can just meet them throughout life I guess?

 

[defobking]

only if this post was created early...i can confirm that relationship with female with mostly male friends wouldnt work. just broke up with my ex last month, gave me the excuse that she got no time for me because shes goin to school clubs, school, and work. And like one previously said these girls with mostly male friends are just attention seeking, i should have known cuz i would be at her place and she is texting other dudes on phone fb chat and stuff. oh wells i learn my lesson, taking notes as i read through this thread.

To add on i believe male and female can only be friends when they are not attracted to each other meaning they are not looking for sex. i am not going to go through all these work meeting this female just to be her friend.

On a side note is it possible to be friends with ex?

 

[trav t]

On a side note is it possible to be friends with ex?

If they are civil and it is appropriate stuff like wishing each other a happy holiday. Or just checking in on how their life is going every couple of months. It CANNOT be things like, "I miss you" or any late night texts.

 

[mugen81]

I think it just depends on the people involved. I have a few female friends and everything works out. Theres no attraction there what so ever. I just think there is some dudes/girls who cant keep it in their pants and try to smang any and everything.

Like everybody said "you" may not be attracted but in some form or fashion she has thought about it...have a friend I consider like a sister but we saw each other during christmas(she's married and her husband thinks I only like asian chicks) but she was looking so ripe....lets just say haven't talk to her sense and sometimes I kick myself for not wifing her up before he did......everybody else saw it when she liked me but I was young and still doing me but as she aged....smh I really missed out...so no u can't be friends with women...stop lying to yourselves

 

[pdino]

I'm in the nursing program here and I got mad female friends. Like 85% of the class is female so naturally, I made friends from my cohort. Our class has been together for two years now, and I've only hooked up with one girl from the class (made an effort not to mess around with these girls), but I've became friends with a ton of them. They're all on top of their game in school, they know when everything is due always, got study guides, and it's important to network.

I end up going out with these girls all the time, some I'm closer with than others, but we're just friends when it comes down to it. I'll always prefer hanging out with my boys but friends with girls is possible.

I'd be down to smash the attractive ones no doubt, but I'm not trying to mix business and pleasure.

 

[u-mob]

Not possible unless both people are unattractive and also not attracted to each other.  Its just no point to be in a "friendship" where you know that person wants more but you don't.  Or even worse you want more but they don't.  The worst is when 2 people who are attracted to one another form a "friendship" while in relationships.  Thats not a friendship thats a plan B. 

Theres a difference between friends and people you are cool with.  Friends are people you can call or hang out with alone.  That usually leaves out opposite sex friend possibilities in the adult world post-college.  I can't/won't/shouldn't hangout with my girl's female friends and vice versa even tho we get along.  They just people I'm cool with. 

Also sometimes you just have to choose whats more important....your current relationship or your opposite sex friendship?  Nobody wants their partner out on lunch dates or texting people of the opposite sex.  Its a respect thing.  And the friend should understand that also.  The only time there's issues with accepting the fact that you can't be so personal anymore because of your relationship is when those "friends" secretly mean more. 

So basically no we can't be friends because somebody is always scheming or jealous.  Its just better not to entertain it.

Truth!!!!

 

[skip2mylou23]

I think it's possible, but only when one party doesn't find the other attractive. I'm really picky so I don't mess around with any girl.

It also has to do with a person's level of commitment, but in an ideal situation, your girl wouldn't have guy friends, or attractive guy friends.

 

[peteweezy]

True, but those are the only female friends I have. It's true, you don't meet women at work or on the street and exchange numbers, then say, "Hey, let's be friends!"

no, but you dont meet your male friends that you have like that either. You can just meet them throughout life I guess?

Why don't you unless you into an alternative lifestyle? Of course childhood friends and the like don't count but when you meet guys from the gym, work, outside of that how else are they supposed to take it if we exchange contact info unless its business or something else previously discussed?

 

[peteweezy]

Not possible unless both people are unattractive and also not attracted to each other.  Its just no point to be in a "friendship" where you know that person wants more but you don't.  Or even worse you want more but they don't.  The worst is when 2 people who are attracted to one another form a "friendship" while in relationships.  Thats not a friendship thats a plan B. 

Theres a difference between friends and people you are cool with.  Friends are people you can call or hang out with alone.  That usually leaves out opposite sex friend possibilities in the adult world post-college.  I can't/won't/shouldn't hangout with my girl's female friends and vice versa even tho we get along.  They just people I'm cool with. 

Also sometimes you just have to choose whats more important....your current relationship or your opposite sex friendship?  Nobody wants their partner out on lunch dates or texting people of the opposite sex.  Its a respect thing.  And the friend should understand that also.  The only time there's issues with accepting the fact that you can't be so personal anymore because of your relationship is when those "friends" secretly mean more. 

So basically no we can't be friends because somebody is always scheming or jealous.  Its just better not to entertain it.

All day and I've had the male "friend" ask a girl I was talking to why can't we be cool like we used to be? I agree 10000% with this post and I'll bet anything 99% of dudes not going to ask their male friends that same question and usually you closer with your male friends than a female one. Thats how you know thats that phoney stuff right there.

 

[penalize]

quick story

my best friend in high school was a chick....a cute one...i had no desire to smash...i just got her friends instead....then she got with this hater dude that thinks like all of NT...no male friends..so i eventually got written off

we lost contact for a couple years...then she got divorced....then shes at my doorstep telling me that she always loved me and we should be together.....i didnt think she was serious...but she was....

i guess the moral of the story is....girls can only be friends with guys if they have someone else...

 

[Mark Antony]

I think it's possible, but only when one party doesn't find the other attractive. I'm really picky so I don't mess around with any girl.

It also has to do with a person's level of commitment, but in an ideal situation, your girl wouldn't have guy friends, or attractive guy friends.

That's worse, that's when it definitely won't work.

 

[victor page]

I don't know how old you dudes are...or if you're a product of this "new 21st century *****" syndrome.

I don't know if ya'll are speaking from the perspective of a "not so serious boyfriend/girlfriend" situation or not. I'm 26 and am engaged so I'll speak from my perspective. I get the feeling alot of you basing your viewpoint on chicks ya'll are just going through the motions with.

But...

1) I doubt very seriously that if any of you are married or engaged...you'd co-sign your spouse having "male friends" that they "hang out with". At 25+ in a serious relationship/marriage...that just sounds absolutely stupid. "Hey honey...I'm going to hang out with Lexington. Make sure the kids are in bed at a reasonable time". 

2) Your girl having male friends isn't some sign of your security. Stop wearing that as a badge of honor.

3) It is human nature for a man/woman to have sexual tension and attraction. The first thought that runs through your mind when you see a woman isn't how cool or smart she is. Of course that doesn't mean you have to act on it...but a person who you'd EVER think about sexually...it's obvious that the relationship holds a different status than it would with a "friend" of the same sex. 

 

[weekz]

I thought i was the only one. However, i will say - since i am a man- even if i'm just friends, sex pops into my mind historically- just the nature of humans. BUT, i am capable of having the respect and discipline to keep it in my pants. I see both sides though, it can be hard to trust your girl with guy friends, especially knowing how our brains work

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Its all about respecting the friendship at the end of the day.

 

[gllahone84]

Every chick who I was cool with and I had thoughts about smashing...I ended up smashing. 

As men, who are we kidding here? 

A straight dude can only hold back so much, and if you're supposedly my good friend and you want to come over to drink and chill...I already sense that you have an ulterior motive because I've given you more than enough reason via conversation that I'm a womanizer, and I can never settle for one girl at this point in my life. 

I'm not friends with hot females...I'm only an associate. 

 at dudes getting put in the friend zone by choice. 

 

[36Hypno]

The only way an opposite sex "friendship" can work is with restrictions and that is not a friendship. How many of you are hanging out with your opposite sex friend alone while your SO is at home on a Friday/Saturday night? But going out to hang with your same sex friend is no thought.

 

[gatzbygordon]

i've always had more girlfriends that dude friends..

i just enjoy their company and their conversations more, it helped me to find out how chicks think, and it also led to me to either smashing them or their friends..

alot of times tho..they wanted to smash me and i had to let em know, i didnt want to eff things up with them..

 i only did that cuz their friends were hotter..

i've had alot of dudes hate me cuz their girls were my friends..

i had a senior try to fight me my first day of high school cuz i was talking to his girl..

its good to have girlfriends, they come in handy.

 

[cashbanks]

no such thing as male and female "friends"

somebody is trying to **** somebody

 

[lyonbc1]

Every chick who I was cool with and I had thoughts about smashing...I ended up smashing. 

As men, who are we kidding here? 

A straight dude can only hold back so much, and if you're supposedly my good friend and you want to come over to drink and chill...I already sense that you have an ulterior motive because I've given you more than enough reason via conversation that I'm a womanizer, and I can never settle for one girl at this point in my life. 

I'm not friends with hot females...I'm only an associate. 

 at dudes getting put in the friend zone by choice. 

I hear you but y'all really can't keep it in your pants under control? Like one of my boys has a bangin younger sister but I'm not about to try and smash that, she's not even my friend more of an associate but I look at it like that, treating my female friends like sisters. Women can give you a different perspective just like friends from different backgrounds can on certain things. I am still in college though so maybe some fellas in here are looking at it from the "real world" viewpoint and meeting females at work or out at a club.

Some things I definitely agree with the "no male/female friendships" group, like your girl gaining new male friends while in a relationship or vice vera with your girl not bein cool with you developing new female friendships while in a relationship thats all a no go. But having female friends is still possible, I met my 3 good female friends through the dorm freshman year, and through class and doing work in groups, etc. One is obsessed w/ sports so one I can hit her up like one of the homies and talk about that, one is into the same different types of music I'm into, and one is just hilarious and literally is like my sister...thats just how our friendships started and have grown since then...I also knew them all BEFORE I met my current gf. I don't try and do anything shady like hittin them up at 1 am tryin to get some nude or video chat or anything And at one point, prior to me meeting my gf, I was attracted to them I'll admit bc they are good looking, but there's soooo many good looking females that I'm not sweating it I valued the friendship more than me getting to hit it a few times.

And honestly I don't talk to them about their boy troubles, leave that **** for their girlfriends but we have had and still do have deep conversations like regular friends do...talk about personal stuff, life, etc., but I think another key is that my gf knows them too. I think there's a difference to being attracted to or vibing with a "personality" than just sexually wanting to **** someone. Plus girls have other girlfriends, and yeah that jealousy stuff can come into play but if everyone knows what the deal is then that won't get in the way of your homegirl hooking you up with her friend....just gotta use the situations to your advantage.

 

[victor page]

I hear you but y'all really can't keep it in your pants under control?

Maybe I'm getting old or something...

But if you have sexual urges for another person. Don't you clearly think of them more than friend in a way? I don't care if never cross the line or not. You've thought about it. 

Call me whatever you want but I've never had a woman in my age bracket that was a regular part of my life...that I didn't put my penis inside of.

I don't get this "friend" **** and I never played that "friend zone" **** either. The closest I've ever been to that was a classmate from college that I used to hang with and we were both in relationships at the time. But I never tried to pretend she was "just a friend". Sexual tension was obvious from the jump. A man and a woman don't look at each other and feelings of attraction don't pass through their brains. That is FICTION and you 21st century bammas just want to seem cool and "in control" so you play that whole "I'm not insecure" angle. Me and that girl didn't act on it while we were in our situations...but when they ended, she certainly turned into a **** buddy. 

I've had plenty of female acquaintances. Co-workers that I might go to lunch with, or classmates that I'd shoot the **** with from time to time.

A friend? As if I could go to my girlfriend and tell her..."Hey boo, me and ashley are going to catch a movie later. I'll call you when we get out". Na...none of the girls I've been in serious relationships with (and my current fiance) ain't play that ****. Yes, a man or woman will cheat if they want...but it's HUMAN NATURE to feel some sort of security over the person you love or are serious about. The fact that my fiance would pull the cal out on me if I told her I was going to hang out alone with a "girlfriend" is comforting. I'm blunt...my girl better cheat on me...cause if she ever came me talking about "Me and Andre bout to go hang out"...she knows she might as well **** him too cause we ain't rockin like that.

You "play it cool" dudes are of a different breed. But everybody was raised different I suppose.

Again, I'm speaking from the perspective of being in a serious situation at 26 going on 27 and I feel like age matters alot here. At a certain age...you just aren't out here meeting legit "friends" of a different sex. On another note...I don't just consider everyone I go out with my girlfriend. If I commit...it's because I see a future with you. Not just because we "like" each other and find each other attractive. I get the gist that alot of dudes are speaking on this from the perspective of being in situations that aren't really that serious. But that's another topic.

 

[sfc415]

Some of you would smash anyone and anything huh

I have some female friends who are attractive but I definitely don't see them in "that" way. I've turned down my one of my best friend's fine @#$ sister because I knew it would @#$% things up between me and my boy...practice some self control please

Plus female friends were the BEST wingmen in college...hitting up random girls was too easy when they saw other girls being cool and friendly with you, they immediately establish that you're not a creeper ...rolling in a pack of 5+ dudes on the other hand never got me anywhere

 

[gllahone84]

Some of you would smash anyone and anything huh

I have some female friends who are attractive but I definitely don't see them in "that" way. I've turned down my one of my best friend's fine @#$ sister because I knew it would @#$% things up between me and my boy...practice some self control please

Plus female friends were the BEST wingmen in college...hitting up random girls was too easy when they saw other girls being cool and friendly with you, they immediately establish that you're not a creeper

...rolling in a pack of 5+ dudes on the other hand never got me anywhere

You turned down your best friend's sister based off of principle. That's understandable. 

But to be friends with someone that you have an almost uncontrollable sexual attraction for...

I'm good...not even putting myself through the torment.