Women and Men can't be friends? vol. why not NT?

[niquefreak94]

Also, y'all are taking some of the posts the wrong way.
Most people aren't saying she can't have some male "friends" if that's what you wanna call it.
And I put friends in quotations because friends can do anything together. So all you dudes saying you don't mind
are giving little, clearly harmless scenarios i.e. lunch date once a month, to the mall, etc.
But FRIENDS don't have stipulations on what they can do. You can go to the movies with a friend, just you and them, at night...no problem,
chill at their house watching tv, talk to them on the phone multiple times a week, even stay over at their house if you're out at the club one night or something
and you're too sloppy to get home....would you let your gf/wife do that with another male? anyone saying yes is laughable. so the moral is...sure she can have male acquaintances and dudes she cool with, but don't act like y'all would let her just have a Tasha and Tyrone day out where they just do everything under the sun and she doesn't come home until 2 from the club w/ him that night (like her and her female friends could do no problem)

 

[king milaac]

If your girl is hanging out with "Tyrone" all day and coming home at 2 AM then you're doing it wrong. That's completely different than what I would define as "friend."

Simply saying, "my girl can't have male friends" is an absurd statement. 

As I said earlier, if your girl:

1) Looks attractive. Many men are going to want to giver the D. You need to accept that and be at peace with that.

2) Has a great personality and is intelligent. She is gonna have many friends, of both genders. Look at it this way, if you don't want your girl to have friends, whether it be male or female, you sound like a needy guy.....plus, if a girl has no friends, female or male, she is probably a boring or a square, and who wants that?

I've seen dudes go crazy over their girls having just male acquiantances. In the end you look weak and insecure. My girl would never be all day out with Tyrone and coming home at 2 AM because she would rather be with me, and that's a testament to the health of our relationship. Now will she have lunch with male friends? Yes. Go out to happy hour with male friends after work? Yes. Cause she's got her own life and her own friends and I respect that, I'm not trying to be a part of every hour of her day......Would some of her male friends want to F her? I'm sure they would. But I know they can't, so it's not a threat to me, so I don't sweat it. 

 

[lyonbc1]

Also, y'all are taking some of the posts the wrong way.
Most people aren't saying she can't have some male "friends" if that's what you wanna call it.
And I put friends in quotations because friends can do anything together. So all you dudes saying you don't mind
are giving little, clearly harmless scenarios i.e. lunch date once a month, to the mall, etc.
But FRIENDS don't have stipulations on what they can do. You can go to the movies with a friend, just you and them, at night...no problem,
chill at their house watching tv, talk to them on the phone multiple times a week, even stay over at their house if you're out at the club one night or something
and you're too sloppy to get home....would you let your gf/wife do that with another male? anyone saying yes is laughable. so the moral is...sure she can have male acquaintances and dudes she cool with, but don't act like y'all would let her just have a Tasha and Tyrone day out where they just do everything under the sun and she doesn't come home until 2 from the club w/ him that night (like her and her female friends could do no problem)

True, but the dynamic between male-male friends and male-female friends is inherently different. First and foremost, your girlfriend is #1 above the friends, so there are certain parameters that just don't go down solo with a member of the opposite sex and both parties need to understand that up front. No guy in their right mind will allow their chick to go to the club with another dude solo cmon now. I don't even go to clubs solo with my female friends, whenever I go out its with a group and the female friends are also a part of that too sometimes, not every time.

And friends of the opposite sex need to have certain obvious boundaries its just different than another male friend. If my girl is back at home and she wants to go to a movie with her male friend from HS, go ahead. If we're at school and she wants to go to the movies with a male friend from here? If I'm there and available to go then I should be up first in line unless I physically can't go at all (I'm out of town, or I'm doing something else or dont want to), then no problem go ahead. She can text her male friend about whatever they want, its about having the trust in the relationship and knowing that sexting, naked pics, callin dudes up at 1am is unnacceptable as it would be for me to do that with my female friends. She goes to a male friends house to record and make songs and music, Im not gonna be the dictator like nah y'all gotta bring that equipment to my house so I can see whats goin down!

Those other situations never come up, a friendship isn't limited to just going out and being drunk and not ending up smashing. Friendships can be driving people home, having people stay at your house when you all go to concerts or driving a group of people to your place for a weekend to chill and go to a game in your hometown . Talking about personal stories and being comfortable telling your male friend about you being depressed or family problems at home and talking through that for a year, chlling watching a football basketball or soccer game, playing xbox chillin drinking at someones house with close friends, like there's tons of parts that make up friendships not limited to going out on dates and having "Chris and Brittany day" Yall act like the only possible interaction males and females can have is dates or situations where you'd be inviting some kind of infidelity to occur.

Bottomline, why would your partner or you need to have a day spent without you/her present? The boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/fiance is priority #1 here, so why is my girl goin to the club without me and solo with another dude in the first place? Just like I'm not going to the club with my female friend solo without my girlfriend present, its just not something you do unless you have it in your mentality to cheat. Now, if I go to the club or party 99 times out of 100 my girl is going with me, usually along with a group of my close male AND female friends. If she's not there, I'm probably goin out with my boys somewhere

Its different if you're not in a relationship than if you are, but the original question in the OP was "men and women can't be friends" and to that I say yea they can. If you have a significant other you don't need to drop friendships to satisfy someone else's jealousy if yall are actually friends and not **** buddies. If the friendship is valuable and worth your time then you wouldn't risk screwing it up plain and simple.

 

[lyonbc1]

If your girl is hanging out with "Tyrone" all day and coming home at 2 AM then you're doing it wrong. That's completely different than what I would define as "friend."

Simply saying, "my girl can't have male friends" is an absurd statement. 

As I said earlier, if your girl:

1) Looks attractive. Many men are going to want to giver the D. You need to accept that and be at peace with that.

2) Has a great personality and is intelligent. She is gonna have many friends, of both genders. Look at it this way, if you don't want your girl to have friends, whether it be male or female, you sound like a needy guy.....plus, if a girl has no friends, female or male, she is probably a boring or a square, and who wants that?

I've seen dudes go crazy over their girls having just male acquiantances. In the end you look weak and insecure. My girl would never be all day out with Tyrone and coming home at 2 AM because she would rather be with me, and that's a testament to the health of our relationship. Now will she have lunch with male friends? Yes. Go out to happy hour with male friends after work? Yes. Cause she's got her own life and her own friends and I respect that, I'm not trying to be a part of every hour of her day......Would some of her male friends want to F her? I'm sure they would. But I know they can't, so it's not a threat to me, so I don't sweat it. 

Tell em' bro, if my girl wants to stay out til 2am drinking with a male friend alone, then that is a HUGE red flag and things need to be re-evaluated, but that's not going to happen because she'd rather be with me doing that

 

[victor page]

Ya'll are placing conditional situations on what a "friend" is. Which shows that you dudes DO IN FACT have at least some type of reservations about your significant other and a male friend.

If you believe that they truly friends and nothing more...than you wouldn't have problems with them going out solo. I'm not buying that "if she's attractive" guys are going to want her anyway. Who said that was an issue? Knowing your girl is coveted doesn't have anything to do with her having close male friends.

 

[powerballin]

We are talking about friends not acquaintances or associates. Theres a difference. Don't group us dudes that have boundaries with the insecure dudes. Big difference.

 

[ccastro02]

If your girl is hanging out with "Tyrone" all day and coming home at 2 AM then you're doing it wrong. That's completely different than what I would define as "friend."

Simply saying, "my girl can't have male friends" is an absurd statement. 

As I said earlier, if your girl:

1) Looks attractive. Many men are going to want to giver the D. You need to accept that and be at peace with that.

2) Has a great personality and is intelligent. She is gonna have many friends, of both genders. Look at it this way, if you don't want your girl to have friends, whether it be male or female, you sound like a needy guy.....plus, if a girl has no friends, female or male, she is probably a boring or a square, and who wants that?

I've seen dudes go crazy over their girls having just male acquiantances. In the end you look weak and insecure. My girl would never be all day out with Tyrone and coming home at 2 AM because she would rather be with me, and that's a testament to the health of our relationship. Now will she have lunch with male friends? Yes. Go out to happy hour with male friends after work? Yes. Cause she's got her own life and her own friends and I respect that, I'm not trying to be a part of every hour of her day......Would some of her male friends want to F her? I'm sure they would. But I know they can't, so it's not a threat to me, so I don't sweat it. 

This.

 

[lyonbc1]

We are talking about friends not acquaintances or associates. Theres a difference. Don't group us dudes that have boundaries with the insecure dudes. Big difference.

But there's boundaries with male friends too though. No man in a relationship is gonna be out all day and night with his boys every weekend leaving his girl at home. And there has to be some level of insecurity, lack of trust, unstable relationship, or fear of what is going on in your head for people to think that its impossible, otherwise what is the reason for it not being possible for females and males to be friends other than "thats just how it is"?

Acquaintances are people you know and when you go out you talk superficially with on some "Oh hey how are you doing?, Good, oh that's nice for like 5-10 mins type stuff. Friends are people who you text or talk to frequently and hang out with, and stay at their parents house, or invite to concerts with your other close friends. Friends know about your childhood and everything and are people you're comfortable telling personal problems etc. to, you dont do all that with acquaintances. Friends ask you for favors when they're in a bind or something and feel comfortable doing that for one another if they needed it, no one sided type stuff. You don't have to go out to some place like a club or party to interact with friends.There's a much deeper level of interaction that you have with friends than acquaintances and all we're sayin is a male and a female can have that type of friendship.

 

[lyonbc1]

double

 

[powerballin]

We are talking about friends not acquaintances or associates. Theres a difference. Don't group us dudes that have boundaries with the insecure dudes. Big difference.

But there's boundaries with male friends too though. No man in a relationship is gonna be out all day and night with his boys every weekend leaving his girl at home. And there has to be some level of insecurity, lack of trust, unstable relationship, or fear of what is going on in your head for people to think that its impossible, otherwise what is the reason for it not being possible for females and males to be friends other than "thats just how it is"?

Acquaintances are people you know and when you go out you talk superficially with on some "Oh hey how are you doing?, Good, oh that's nice for like 5-10 mins type stuff. Friends are people who you text or talk to frequently and hang out with, and stay at their parents house, or invite to concerts with your other close friends. Friends know about your childhood and everything and are people you're comfortable telling personal problems etc. to, you dont do all that with acquaintances. Friends ask you for favors when they're in a bind or something and feel comfortable doing that for one another if they needed it, no one sided type stuff. You don't have to go out to some place like a club or party to interact with friends.There's a much deeper level of interaction that you have with friends than acquaintances and all we're sayin is a male and a female can have that type of friendship.

No there's not.  Same sex friends have no limit word to Master P.  I can do anything with my homie and my chick won't care. and she shouldn't.  I can go to his house, txt him at 4am, go workout, go shopping, go to a ballgame, go to the club, spend the night at his house, help him with his flat tire, ANYTHING, go on a 2 day roadtrip.  "Just the 2 of us" like Bill Withers said.  She can do all the same things with her girlfriends.

What are you even talking about?  A female should have boundaries with her male friends, but most importantly the males should have boundaries with your girl.  They should always show you respect, speak, invite BOTH of ya'll out, and not be to clingy. 

Plus group activities is ok.  Nobody once in this thread said "your girl shouldn't go out with her group of friends if one man is there".  So not sure why you even brought that up. No we are just stating the obvious differences between same sex friends and male-female friends.

Sidenote- Your girl should never be doing anytype of drug with another dude.....thats a commandment

 

[powerballin]

I'm just sayin'

 

[lyonbc1]

We are talking about friends not acquaintances or associates. Theres a difference. Don't group us dudes that have boundaries with the insecure dudes. Big difference.

But there's boundaries with male friends too though. No man in a relationship is gonna be out all day and night with his boys every weekend leaving his girl at home. And there has to be some level of insecurity, lack of trust, unstable relationship, or fear of what is going on in your head for people to think that its impossible, otherwise what is the reason for it not being possible for females and males to be friends other than "thats just how it is"?


Acquaintances are people you know and when you go out you talk superficially with on some "Oh hey how are you doing?, Good, oh that's nice for like 5-10 mins type stuff. Friends are people who you text or talk to frequently and hang out with, and stay at their parents house, or invite to concerts with your other close friends. Friends know about your childhood and everything and are people you're comfortable telling personal problems etc. to, you dont do all that with acquaintances. Friends ask you for favors when they're in a bind or something and feel comfortable doing that for one another if they needed it, no one sided type stuff. You don't have to go out to some place like a club or party to interact with friends.There's a much deeper level of interaction that you have with friends than acquaintances and all we're sayin is a male and a female can have that type of friendship.

No there's not.  Same sex friends have no limit word to Master P.  I can do anything with my homie and my chick won't care. and she shouldn't.  I can go to his house, txt him at 4am, go workout, go shopping, go to a ballgame, go to the club, spend the night at his house, help him with his flat tire, ANYTHING, go on a 2 day roadtrip.  "Just the 2 of us" like Bill Withers said.  She can do all the same things with her girlfriends.

What are you even talking about?  A female should have boundaries with her male friends, but most importantly the males should have boundaries with your girl.  They should always show you respect, speak, invite BOTH of ya'll out, and not be to clingy. 

Plus group activities is ok.  Nobody once in this thread said "your girl shouldn't go out with her group of friends if one man is there".  So not sure why you even brought that up. No we are just stating the obvious differences between same sex friends and male-female friends.

Sidenote- Your girl should never be doing anytype of drug with another dude.....thats a commandment

Agreed. There are obvious differences, and there are boundaries that must be established if you are in a relationship with a girl while having female friends. The two sides of this debate are never gonna agree There SHOULD be differences with your male and female friends, I'm heterosexual so of course its not kosher for me to hit up my female friend to be like"oh lemme crash at your spot tonight cuz we're both drunk" One, I have male friends who fill that void and secondly I'm not gonna be out with my female friend alone at a club because I have a girl already so there isn't a reason for me to do that unless I was planning to cheat. I'm not gonna be out with one of my female friends at 2am alone drunk staying at their place bc that is asking for possible trouble, now will I go out have lunch, dinner, catch up for a couple hours? Absolutely, and there's no issue with that.

That's equivalent to me saying, I don't talk sports with my one close male friend b/c he's into hunting and outdoor activities like fishing, but allll my other boys like sports so does that make my homie who I can't really talk sports with less of my friend? Hell no, we bond over other things, like its that simple. That is an example of a "boundary" even though its not the same type of distinct sexual boundary you have established with friends of the opposite sex. I know for a fact all your guy friends aren't identical in personality, etc. Her male friends are not anonymous to me, I've met them they're my acquaintences too...y'all can't be around your girl 24/7 at some point she's gonna be out and about by herself or with her girls and dudes will try and talk to them, any relationship is stronger than the temptation to smash your "acquaintance"....and if its not, then your relationship isn't strong to begin with. Her male friends pose ZERO threat to me, and my female friends pose zero threat to her because the relationship is strong, how can y'all not get that?

You sound like you're saying because I can't call them at 4am (which I can but wouldn't have a need to do that), go out till 3am get sloppy drunk alone in their company and stay at their house (I have a girl so what am I out in that situation for in the first place) they're not friends, I never said I only have female friends, I have way more close male friends in my circle than females but they are there too. I outlined my differences between acquaintances and friends in the post.

 

[niquefreak94]

If your girl is hanging out with "Tyrone" all day and coming home at 2 AM then you're doing it wrong. That's completely different than what I would define as "friend."

Simply saying, "my girl can't have male friends" is an absurd statement. 

As I said earlier, if your girl:

1) Looks attractive. Many men are going to want to giver the D. You need to accept that and be at peace with that.

2) Has a great personality and is intelligent. She is gonna have many friends, of both genders. Look at it this way, if you don't want your girl to have friends, whether it be male or female, you sound like a needy guy.....plus, if a girl has no friends, female or male, she is probably a boring or a square, and who wants that?

I've seen dudes go crazy over their girls having just male acquiantances. In the end you look weak and insecure. My girl would never be all day out with Tyrone and coming home at 2 AM because she would rather be with me, and that's a testament to the health of our relationship. Now will she have lunch with male friends? Yes. Go out to happy hour with male friends after work? Yes. Cause she's got her own life and her own friends and I respect that, I'm not trying to be a part of every hour of her day......Would some of her male friends want to F her? I'm sure they would. But I know they can't, so it's not a threat to me, so I don't sweat it. 

could she do that with her female friend though?

 

[niquefreak94]

a lot of y'all are missing the point by saying "my girl wouldn't even want to be out w/ Tyrone" blah blah blah....mine wouldn't either.
that's not at all the question being asked. unless i misread the OP no one asked what your girl wanted to do. i feel like that's a copout.
answer the actual question: is it okay?

 

[powerballin]

dudes try so hard to be "different".  Good luck.

 

[boris]

If your significant other invites you to be around all of their friends, you have nothing to worry about. If you can't deal with your significant other having friends of the opposite sex, you might as well not be with them. 

 

[mitchellicious]

No ones saying that their girlfriend can't have male friends, they're saying that the male friends can't overstep their boundaries. That's all

 

[gllahone84]

No ones saying that their girlfriend can't have male friends, they're saying that the male friends can't overstep their boundaries. That's all

 

[gatzbygordon]

If your girl is hanging out with "Tyrone" all day and coming home at 2 AM then you're doing it wrong. That's completely different than what I would define as "friend."

hey...Tyrones a nice guy..

he evens takes her on trips for the weekend so i can have alone time..

 thank god for him or else i'd have to fool around with her when im tired from niketalking all day..he brings her back super tired

and she sleeps like a baby..i dont know what kind of activities they're doing but shes so sore that she has to sit down really slow

i saw a text of hers talking about his pole so im assuming they're practicing for some type of decathlon..

he's been such a good friend im paying for a plane ticket for them to NYC..i hope they have fun..

 

[mitchellicious]

I don't see what's funny. I was basically making the same point as Powerballin did on the last page in lesser words

 

[DrizzyNYC]

Being that I've smashed chicks with boyfriends who I was "just friends with" of course not.... Some real naive men out here these days, no one ever taught y'all the game? That friend dude is just waiting for the night she's drunk and you acting up so he can smash your girl....

 

[gllahone84]

I don't see what's funny. I was basically making the same point as Powerballin did on the last page in lesser words

I'm laughing at the logic...not necessarily your post. 

 

[boris]

Being that I've smashed chicks with boyfriends who I was "just friends with" of course not.... Some real naive men out here these days, no one ever taught y'all the game? That friend dude is just waiting for the night she's drunk and you acting up so he can smash your girl....

This has more to do with the girls being awful people.

 

[Mark Antony]

Being that I've smashed chicks with boyfriends who I was "just friends with" of course not.... Some real naive men out here these days, no one ever taught y'all the game? That friend dude is just waiting for the night she's drunk and you acting up so he can smash your girl....

This has more to do with the girls being awful people.

We're all human. Not really awful people can do awful things in moments of weakness. That gazelle will have it's mind on something, distracted, next thing you know they wandered off too far into the midst of a Lion. I know some of ya'll would like to believe you wouldn't smash your attractive friend in a relationship (especially when you're not in one yourself), but you're a Lion b.

 

[lyonbc1]

dudes try so hard to be "different".  Good luck.

So because we don't provide ultimatums to our girls then we're different? Ok man...like I said 3 yrs in no problems whatsoever, I guess having trust in the person you're dating makes me naive and weakminded

Y'all sound like the future fathers who won't let your daughters go out on dates just hold her down in the crib because guys are dawgs. Being over protective and over bearing constantly only makes people want to break loose and act out once they get a chance.