When You Started To Mature/Grow as a Person....

What were the things you did?

I had an experience recently that kinda destroyed my social life, and it was due to a lot of immaturity/psychological issues/insecurities that I hadn't realized were and completely shaped my reality in a way that did not match up with the way things were.

It made me really look at what lies at the seat of my soul, and what made me react instinctively in certain ways, and I'm starting to realize that it's all about my perspective and what emotional place my thoughts and actions are coming from.

So, this kind of set me on a real introspective journey. I've got nothing but time and opportunity now to really grow and mature as a person, and I really want to do this.

For anyone who's been in this situation before, or even mature/secure in themselves, what are the actionable things you did to improve your emotional/maturity/security?


Things I've been doing:

-Reading a lot on neuroses and started looking for another psychiatrist (my job stopped paying for the one i went to, and i stopped going before the holidays)

-I've been in the gym about 4 times a week for the last few weeks and plan to keep it this way.

-I've been creating alot more, like writing and putting together business ideas

-I've been really all about trying to increase (or get some initial) "Self Love", but to be honest I have no idea how to go about getting that.



So, who's been there? Who's a mature person, or someone who finds themselves maturing, or in general just who's letting go of their baggage/stuff (life-wise, not just relationships)?


I guess my question is: How does a person mature? How does a person get rid of insecurity? How does one gain self-love and self-respect? I though I had these things, and I know I have self-esteem, but I've recently realized that I have neither of these things, and now I want to get them.

I'm not necesarilly in some sort of crisis, just been thinking really long and hard (pause) about my mind and soul and who I am at my core, and I found myself in a situation which is perfect for me to actually approach and deal with these things.

I think the defining moment I had in maturing as a person was my junior year of high school. I had made a new circle of friends and gotten to be more social my sophomore year and gotten over some of my shyness, but by the end of the school year I realized how they always felt the need to joke or put down someone (sometimes myself) solely for the entertainment of the group. None of them really thought for themselves and their actions always reflected what the majority of the group thought. They were basically a bunch of ****riders.

I decided to cut most of them off, which was like half of my friends, and instead spent more time developing better relationships with my closer friends. It did mean I was less social and I used that extra time to think about myself, my peers, and society as a whole. Up until this point, I was like almost everyone else in that I wanted to be "popular" and that I cared a lot more than I should have about what people thought of me. Looking back, it was ridiculous that any of that mattered so much to me. I ended high school with the same mentality regarding friends that I have now, which is just wanting to surround myself with down-to-earth people. I became very introspective and understanding of why I and other people acted the way they do and indirectly became a more mature person along the way.

This experience and the fact that I have always been pretty responsible set a good foundation, but I still am maturing as a person every day. I'll admit I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes and find my reactions to peoples' actions to be a little excessive and immature at times, but that's something I'm working on. Life has a weird way of testing you and the way you handle situations now compared to how you handled them in the past is key to determining how far you've come in terms of development and maturity.

We mature the same way we rid ourselves of insecurity, through experience. Like I said, I used to be pretty shy and even though sometimes I'd feel embarrassed or make a fool of myself in front of people or even worse a girl I liked  , I would learn. Being put into all kinds of social situations, especially awkward ones, helped me in the long run. It's been a while since I've last felt nervous around people I don't know or on a date. I realized a majority of my doubts were just in my head. Recently I've been in situations that are strangely similar to ones I experienced in the past. In a similar way to overcoming insecurity, I've found myself reacting differently to them, which I like to think of as a sign that I've matured some.

Self-love is an area I still need to grow in so I am curious to any advice others have on the subject. As for self-respect, I believe there's a correlation between self-respect and maturity. When you are self-respecting and acting mature, you are holding yourself to a certain standard of behavior that some do not hold themselves to. You should take pride in that. Everyone still has room to grow in their personal development and it takes humility for someone to admit that they're not where they want to be yet in their own development. It's good to see that you're on the right track to become a better, more mature person.

ill never grow up im a grown *** kid

i feel like sometimes i act like a kid but i always think like an old man

AgentZero that's some sage advice, holmes.

I think maturing is an ongoing thing in our lives. It never really "starts" at any point in our lives. We make realizations of things and that's how we learn.

I didn't really try to accept who I was until very recently. I avoided trying to think about what I've done and how that reflects my values, because I wanted to believe that I wasn't really like everyone else. I thought that I was my own in this world and that no one can understand where I come from.

Popularity and friends as a concept bothered me for a long time. I thought it was the most important thing to people and that everyone was superficial in their interactions. It was just how I was raised and I grew up thinking that no one really cares for one another.

I'm never going to reach some sort of nexus of complete awareness and I don't think any of us are really capable. I'm not religious as I think everyone is just looking for love and acceptance for whom they are, not for the name of the god they choose to believe in. As people we get this from our friends and family, but when those sources fail, we turn to this faith to hold us down.

Like I said I'm not done growing and truthfully no one ever is. We're on this journey of life that never really stops for anyone to declare that "This is really what it's all about."

When did I feel I started to mature?

Hmmm... probably the time I started thinking about others, other than myself!

ElCatfisho said:

I didn't really try to accept who I was until very recently. I avoided trying to think about what I've done and how that reflects my values, because I wanted to believe that I wasn't really like everyone else. I thought that I was my own in this world and that no one can understand where I come from.

Popularity and friends as a concept bothered me for a long time. I thought it was the most important thing to people and that everyone was superficial in their interactions. It was just how I was raised and I grew up thinking that no one really cares for one another.

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This is me 100%, but I didn't even realize it until recently.

I think it's good that it was brought to my attention and that I'm attempting to make my core as a person a priority, because a lot of people find themselves facing the emotional or intellectual or character flaws they hadn't realized they were ignoring, and they just try to come up with reasons why they're not real.

At least we in here being honest about ourselves, and I think that's got to be the first step.

omariwestafari said:

ill never grow up im a grown *** kid

i feel like sometimes i act like a kid but i always think like an old man

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That would best describe me too. The only difference is that I chose to let go of the friends who were flakes, fronter's, and were just unmotivated. The kid in me stays alive with my collecting but I am definitely allot more refined and smarter than the young 20 yr. old who spent all his money on throwbacks, hats, and shoes trying to impress the wrong type of chicks.