Confessions

This is my current life. Work then school. If I'm lucky, I get to hit the crossfit gym when ever I'm not tired from work, slammed with work, or slammed with homework. I'm stressed even though most times, I don't want to admit it to myself. I'm not happy with work to the point my IDGAF tude is showing and don't care if it is. I'm not happy with the current workload and get little to no support. So it's like I'm set up to fail. I have enough stashed to pay my bills for a least 2 months and tell everybody - **** you, but that ain't the smartest idea. Only thing to do is send out this resume and hope somebody bites. I'm not getting any play but I'm not eem worried b, yambs is like catching the bus.

Same here brother. I work full time, after that it's night class, and when I get home it's homework or studying until 2AM. Some days I will squeeze the gym in, I try to at least 3 days of the week.

I just got my first IT certification (passed the test on Monday) after months of studying, so that freed up a lot of time -- but all that time will just go to my current school load (2 classes -- programming and stats). I had just decided to go back to school in the beginning of this year -- really want to obtain my masters in the future. I think about it every day and fear that I may get shot down, but I'm going to try my best.

One thing I can say about the stress, is that it is good stress. Although I am so restless at times, I am reassured by the accomplishments midway and that keeps my drive.

Don't see it as setting up yourself to fail, see it as a minor setback and get through it man.
 
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This is my current life. Work then school. If I'm lucky, I get to hit the crossfit gym when ever I'm not tired from work, slammed with work, or slammed with homework. I'm stressed even though most times, I don't want to admit it to myself. I'm not happy with work to the point my IDGAF tude is showing and don't care if it is. I'm not happy with the current workload and get little to no support. So it's like I'm set up to fail. I have enough stashed to pay my bills for a least 2 months and tell everybody - **** you, but that ain't the smartest idea. Only thing to do is send out this resume and hope somebody bites. I'm not getting any play but I'm not eem worried b, yambs is like catching the bus.

Same here brother. I work full time, after that it's night class, and when I get home it's homework or studying until 2AM. Some days I will squeeze the gym in, I try to at least 3 days of the week.

I just got my first IT certification (passed the test on Monday) after months of studying, so that freed up a lot of time -- but all that time will just go to my current school load (2 classes -- programming and stats). I had just decided to go back to school in the beginning of this year -- really want to obtain my masters in the future. I think about it every day and fear that I may get shot down, but I'm going to try my best.

One thing I can say about the stress, is that it is good stress. Although I am so restless at times, I am reassured by the accomplishments midway and that keeps my drive.

Don't see it as setting up yourself to fail, see it as a minor setback and get through it man.

As someone who's in the same field as you, I needed to hear that. Thank you and good luck breh :pimp:
 
I’m lacking direction and focus in my life. i have lied, disspointed and losing most of my hope in life. i’m in school but its coming to a pint in my life that college may not be for me cause I’m not motivated by it. I will be deceiving myself to say i like school. Yes i know its tough and you got do it with high work ethic. But my mental capacity and mental health has set me back in the pack of my life.

What do now is pray to God for forgiveness for my past and hopefully he’s see that i need to succeed in life. Life for me is a roller coaster but its ride that goes into a ditch.

If i had a second chance at high school i will played it a bit more harder in terms of the grades i needed to obtain and SAT score to get into a really good college or university. But in this present life I’m living a community college is where i will need to start and finish my 2 year degree.

hopefully God answer my prayers and i figure out what i want to do with my life before its too late.
 
Kinda sorta in this situation rn

Me and my girl are both in high school, she's a year under me and has all her **** together.. She's a manager at her job, on the varsity volleyball team, has 8 classes a day with all A's and still finds time to text me :lol: :smokin  

As for me, I'm just living life as it is. Barely getting by in classes, working a job that I hate. I don't have many skills meant for the real world as of rn. When I try to learn something, my mind just blanks out and I get super frustrated. I could be learning about how to do an easy expression problem and 2 seconds later I'm wondering what I'm gonna watch on netflix that night :smh:

I wish I was as motivated, I strive to do better but it just all feels so lackluster compared to her :\  



Lol yeah school was never for me. Didn't do college. Went to a trade school. Now I'm 29 I make 100k a year. My suggestion. Get into a trade.
 
Lol yeah school was never for me. Didn't do college. Went to a trade school. Now I'm 29 I make 100k a year. My suggestion. Get into a trade.
bro u make 100k a year?

what do u trade? K? White Girl? Tree? !!
 
I lack ambition.

To be honest i somewhat know what that means

I know what I have to do but I won't do it.

What's wrong with me ? :smh:
 
I'm never going to achieve my dream. My parents don't think so either and don't support me.
 
I'm never going to achieve my dream. My parents don't think so either and don't support me.
what are ur dreams?

At 25 I'm really starting to grasp the fact that I can't waste anymore time...I have no reason to be afraid/nervous to achieve my goals...and if I die along the way then that's what was meant to be

Never be afraid fam. No one can stop u but urself
 
I lack ambition.

To be honest i somewhat know what that means

I know what I have to do but I won't do it.

What's wrong with me ? :smh:

Ask myself this all the time. It still there, deep inside somewhere barely lit. 'Just do it' has been my mentality when it comes to doing things I think I should be doing but that drive, ambition, and joy that use to come naturally is still not there. It ******* sucks. Its like a switch is off, and I don't know where it is. Apathy.

Even still I keep pushing. Its all I can do.
 
I lack ambition.

To be honest i somewhat know what that means

I know what I have to do but I won't do it.

What's wrong with me ? :smh:

Ask myself this all the time. It still there, deep inside somewhere barely lit. 'Just do it' has been my mentality when it comes to doing things I think I should be doing but that drive, ambition, and joy that use to come naturally is still not there. It ******* sucks. Its like a switch is off, and I don't know where it is. Apathy.

Even still I keep pushing. Its all I can do.
Man I feel you man, I think the older I've gotten the less drive I had on some what's the point type of stuff

It's coming back though I've learned a lot since then just haven't been putting it into action or just not fast enough.

That's another thing I don't practice what I preach.
 
I brought up the pope talking about aliens to my wife just now and we got in this big *** argument about religion... Not sure if I want to stay in a relationship that shares such drastically different values? Just knowing that stories from the bible are taken from ancient texts.. Like samaraton texts (might be spelled wrong) Ect, .... Our thought process is extremely off balance.
 
I brought up the pope talking about aliens to my wife just now and we got in this big *** argument about religion... Not sure if I want to stay in a relationship that shares such drastically different values? Just knowing that stories from the bible are taken from ancient texts.. Like samaraton texts (might be spelled wrong) Ect, .... Our thought process is extremely off balance.

What's so different about your values verses hers freelythinkingmind freelythinkingmind ?
 
I brought up the pope talking about aliens to my wife just now and we got in this big *** argument about religion... Not sure if I want to stay in a relationship that shares such drastically different values? Just knowing that stories from the bible are taken from ancient texts.. Like samaraton texts (might be spelled wrong) Ect, .... Our thought process is extremely off balance.

Sounds like you are trying to tease her about her beliefs .
 
I brought up the pope talking about aliens to my wife just now and we got in this big *** argument about religion... Not sure if I want to stay in a relationship that shares such drastically different values? Just knowing that stories from the bible are taken from ancient texts.. Like samaraton texts (might be spelled wrong) Ect, .... Our thought process is extremely off balance.

She your wife how are you just now having this realization? I know marriage isn't maintained in a vacuum don't get me wrong. Are your values more important to you now than they were before?
 
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She your wife how are you just now having this realization? I know marriage isn't maintained in a vacuum don't get me wrong. Are your values more important to you now than they were before?
v

Not necessarily values/morals, more so beliefs.

At one point I shared the same beliefs but as time passes we grown, and I've grown to accept facts.
 
im really struggling to understand how a human can work full time while going to school full time.  i'd be a bit weirded out too if there was a chance i was dealing with a robot...

I did this for one quarter n there in the towel. 6hrs of school (aviation program) then 30min to get to work. 8hrs of work then home cook up next day's meal, shower, study next thing you know it's 3-4am and gotta wake up at 6 to do it all over again was burnt out af! So now I'm just taking 2 classes to ease the load.
 
Gonna say **** it and go all in on doing what I want to do in life. You don't know til you try right? Right.

Some days I don't feel I belong in this world and keep hoping for the best but idk at times.
 
Almost 4mths ago i got shot 3 times while in my car with a couple friends. Almost died. As a result of this i still have a bullet lodged in my arm and nerve and sensory damage in my right hand. Also have some legal problems as a result. Ive been having fked ip nightmares since i see myself places i go to and it getting shot. One of those dreams actually came true 3wks after i had the dream. Ive started seeing a dr. I feel like im going crazy i rarely laugh or even smile i zone out and ive come to the realization im not afraid of death or violence anymore. Simply idgaf i just feel empty.

man ive been shot 3 times as well sep 23 2001, man the recovery is a ***** i couldnt walk for 2 years without crutches i had 7 surgery's in less than a year, i couldnt sleep at first i would ask my sister to watch me while i slept i was just scared as hell to sleep i would stay up all night and day and when she get home from school i would sleep then get up when she was going to bed, i would never leave the house only just to go see the doctor and right back, i didnt get a haircut nor shave for about a year after i got shot and thats cuz i started banging my physical therapist i was 18 she was 27 she pick me up and id just hang out at her place ,lol i remember she lied to me and said she was taking me out to eat and she pulled up to my barbers shop and said she had already talked to george(my barber)and he was waiting for me, lol i was scared as hell but i got out and got a haircut man i can still hear the clippers getting stuck in my hair lol he had to cut it down with the scissors first then he used the guards lol, i didnt smile nor laugh either i got real deep into pills vicodin i was taking 60 a week i mixed in weed and cocaine i was always serious and didnt care about anything, i feel pain every time my right foot hits the ground, i cant drive far distances since i got shot in my right butt cheek and right femur other bullet grazed my chest i have pain everyday it sucks but i deal with it,surround yourself with family that always helped me

What was the reason behind you both getting shot, Revenge? robbery? mistaken identity? Wrong place, Wrong time?
At least your still here that is the most important thing, God forbid if metal touched your brain or spine, it would of been a whole different story altogether.. Get out there again, get active, conquer the world.. if you ever need motivation go to a grave yard, take a look at all the people that can't do, what you can do. Stay safe, be happy your still here.




i wonder everyday what im gonna do when im walking again

im getting use to this "bum life" right now not by choice obvioiulsy but i legit feel like these old people i mingle with in long term only diff is i stay up later and dont need medication like most/all of them

i talked to my lawyer other day, i dont want to guess numbers but its looking real good, guy actually had good insurance and lawyer knows of 2 bars an already gave them heads up about pending lawsuits ............................not like this pain and suffereing is worth it but whatever hope i dont blow it all. ill prob be a cheap bastard when this is all over, im prob done with sneakers

im actually looking forward to going back to the gym and transforming, watching changes as newb out of shape guy is awesome, unless youre on steroids gym has gotten boring for me especially when you been dieting/bulking for so long, i dont even wanna be a big build anymore just want athletic lean ripped now. so my diet is going to be super clean like my single digit bf days

i havent came since May, my penis still works though

i dont think i trust any woman i was talking to before accident, ill prob be celibate for like a year by time i build my body up agan how i want

this part isnt a confession, but you gotta enjoy life, you never know......people die everyday as us on this message board

im def gonna step my travel game up big time

:pimp:
 
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What was the reason behind you both getting shot, Revenge? robbery? mistaken identity? Wrong place, Wrong time?
At least your still here that is the most important thing, God forbid if metal touched your brain or spine, it would of been a whole different story altogether.. Get out there again, get active, conquer the world.. if you ever need motivation go to a grave yard, take a look at all the people that can't do, what you can do. Stay safe, be happy your still here.



:pimp:



To this day i have no idea, dont even have an idea about race or what they looked like
 
I feel cursed for some odd reason. I'm definitely a smart guy, just always getting put in a ducked up position. I can read through people and see who they really are and why they won't admit to themselves what's wrong with them. Just being so keen and aware has made me depressed cause somehow I wanna be dumb like everybody else , but it doesn't work. Even the females are predictable, I'm alone and I have no one to talk to or counsel with. It's just me and myself in this cold world.
 
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