- 385
- 322
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2013
i felt this way for about a year and i realized it was all out of guilt. i was guilty about being promiscuous and overreacted to any slight tinge i felt in my body, or irritation on my skin. it's like an impending doom that you know is bound to catch up with you for what you seem to have gotten away with. i assure you that you're probably fine. the real pain is internal... focus on healing that in holistic ways. no anxiety pill can do for you what you can't do for yourself. it's all in the mind.I've self diagnosed myself wrong for the most part of 2013 Any minor occurrences on my body like skin irritation from exercise I freak out. ... I constantly think I have an STD even though I get tested and have no symptoms. I thought I had HIV and was depressed until I tested negative. My latest fear is Syphilis even though I've been test recently. I had protected sex a few weeks ago and constantly worried I have the disease. Even though it's WELL past the amount of time it takes for symptoms to show.
It's unhealthy and mentally debilitating I actually went to bed at an decent hour tonight and when my girl climbed into bed I went to the bathroom and saw a pimple on my chest. I examined it for about 20 mins then Googled symptoms and pictures of Syphilis for about 2 hours now. I get obsessive and overwhelmed to the point of tears.
My last STD test I actually cried tears of joy ...it's not limited to HIV and STD's, I constantly fear a heart attack or airborne sickness from the subway as well.
I was prescribed anxiety meds to reduce serotonin levels but I won't take them I don't want to be a pill poppin' med junkie. I already learned to control my diabetes in under 2 months because I didn't want to continue to take pills. I want to get over this fear.
Abstinence or monogamy truly might be the only way to cure my phobia. Deep down I think it maybe guilt from my wrong doing and I believe there should be a punishment more severe than the guilt itself.