Crazy stories from your job.

[jumpmanpro97]

This is a re-post of a story my brah told me bought his job, that I posted in another thread. Should hold you guys over till tonight:

My homeboy had a boss that whenever he would go to the bathroom would announce to the office whether he would be taking a number 1 or 2. The guys found it kinda funny but the females were disgusted and complained to HR. HR told him he had to stop. He did, but instead he would play Montel Williams "This is How We Do it" from his phone whenever he was going to be taking a number two, if he was pissing he wouldn't say anything. So you would just see homeboy walk out his office, walk by everyone, and as soon as he hooked the corner Montel 's voice would drop and you knew he was bout to call in the AC-130 on the toilet bowl. Now this act by itself is pretty hilarious, but homeboy took it to new levels.

-One day he takes the office out to lunch at Fridays, he goes to the bathroom, 10 seconds after he leaves the table the music in the restaurant cuts off mid song and "This How we Do it" comes on the stereo. Apparently he knew the owner and had been setting it up

-Late night flight back to DC from a conference in Vegas, him and like 5 other people from the office. 12 am at night, plane is dark and everyone is sleeping. You hear the someone get up walk through the cabin, open the bathroom door and "This is How We Do it" blast for like 5 seconds before he enters.

-When people go out to lunch they usually hit the bathroom before going back to their workstations. Homeboy would hide out in the stall, wait for the bathroom to get packed. And all of the sudden you would hear "This is How We Do It" coming from a stall. Followed by a fart or long "Arrrrrrrgggg ahhhhhhhhhh"

-One time at the X-Mas party he got a cheap cell phone and put in the women's bathroom. Changed the ringtone, and would call it whenever he saw a ton of girl heading for the restroom. Dem bishes would be sprinting outta thee as soon as Montel's voice dropped. Took dem a entire hour to catch on too.

He was a middle aged white dude too, his troll game was off the chain.

View media item 317977
wait you meant montel jordan right? lol

 

[RustyShackleford]

^^^^ , They brah I you're right, Jordan not Williams

 

[jumpmanpro97]

^^^^ , They brah I you're right, Jordan not Williams

it IS Montell Jordan lol

View media item 317993

 

[fantastic4our]

^^^^ , They brah I you're right, Jordan not Williams

story was tough tho, I wanna be a boss like that

 

[yellowmxwheels]

I work in the Gaming industry. Mostly in San Diego but in Riverside as well. Most of the stories would involve drunk people getting crazy but we would have Celebs that would just cruise in. I worked at a casino outside of L.A. called Morongo. Every weekend Dennis Rodman would show up play BlackJack, get hammered then comped a room. The Bartenders hated him because he was not a great tipper. Me being a Bulls fan I was telling them jokingly because they were all Lakers fans "Hey, He's a Bulls legend. He dosen't have to tip" Overall he was actually pretty nice. There were always the hottest chicks hanging around his table. He would get up pay his tab and go to his room. We used to fly in Iverson right to the casino. Heli would land, he would jump out with a couple of guys and straight to the casino they would go. They filmed a few scenes for the Nicholas Cage movie NEXT at my casino. Jessica Biel was also in it. They had rented out the Casitas for a week while filming. Cage had the rooms under the name Frankenstein Cadillac. He was overall pretty cool. not a douche by any means but while talking to him I was like " soooo, whats up with Jessica?" He laughed and was like "Good Luck" I took it as she must have been into chicks at that time lol.

 

[jumpmanpro97]

I work in the Gaming industry. Mostly in San Diego but in Riverside as well. Most of the stories would involve drunk people getting crazy but we would have Celebs that would just cruise in. I worked at a casino outside of L.A. called Morongo. Every weekend Dennis Rodman would show up play BlackJack, get hammered then comped a room. The Bartenders hated him because he was not a great tipper. Me being a Bulls fan I was telling them jokingly because they were all Lakers fans "Hey, He's a Bulls legend. He dosen't have to tip" Overall he was actually pretty nice. There were always the hottest chicks hanging around his table. He would get up pay his tab and go to his room. We used to fly in Iverson right to the casino. Heli would land, he would jump out with a couple of guys and straight to the casino they would go. They filmed a few scenes for the Nicholas Cage movie NEXT at my casino. Jessica Biel was also in it. They had rented out the Casitas for a week while filming. Cage had the rooms under the name Frankenstein Cadillac. He was overall pretty cool. not a douche by any means but while talking to him I was like " soooo, whats up with Jessica?" He laughed and was like "Good Luck" I took it as she must have been into chicks at that time lol.

sounds more like Nick Cage tried get on that and got denied lol

 

[Nouss]

nothing wrong with that, krit seems like a cool i wouldn't have expected him to be mad. you were just protecting his room.

Your right. It seems like there is always one dude in the entourage that acts out.

My favorite celebrity tho was Jeff Ross. Dude is hilarious. It was mad awkward asking for his ID, pretending not to know who he was.

 

[Nouss]

Oh yea, Elise Neal isnt that hot. Isiah Washington is a prick.

John Voight's swag is on another level.

 

[Remy LeBeau]

This is a re-post of a story my brah told me bought his job, that I posted in another thread. Should hold you guys over till tonight:

My homeboy had a boss that whenever he would go to the bathroom would announce to the office whether he would be taking a number 1 or 2. The guys found it kinda funny but the females were disgusted and complained to HR. HR told him he had to stop. He did, but instead he would play Montel Jordan "This is How We Do it" from his phone whenever he was going to be taking a number two, if he was pissing he wouldn't say anything. So you would just see homeboy walk out his office, walk by everyone, and as soon as he hooked the corner Montel 's voice would drop and you knew he was bout to call in the AC-130 on the toilet bowl. Now this act by itself is pretty hilarious, but homeboy took it to new levels.

-One day he takes the office out to lunch at Fridays, he goes to the bathroom, 10 seconds after he leaves the table the music in the restaurant cuts off mid song and "This How we Do it" comes on the stereo. Apparently he knew the owner and had been setting it up

-Late night flight back to DC from a conference in Vegas, him and like 5 other people from the office. 12 am at night, plane is dark and everyone is sleeping. You hear the someone get up walk through the cabin, open the bathroom door and "This is How We Do it" blast for like 5 seconds before he enters.

-When people go out to lunch they usually hit the bathroom before going back to their workstations. Homeboy would hide out in the stall, wait for the bathroom to get packed. And all of the sudden you would hear "This is How We Do It" coming from a stall. Followed by a fart or long "Arrrrrrrgggg ahhhhhhhhhh"

-One time at the X-Mas party he got a cheap cell phone and put in the women's bathroom. Changed the ringtone, and would call it whenever he saw a ton of girl heading for the restroom. Dem bishes would be sprinting outta thee as soon as Montel's voice dropped. Took dem a entire hour to catch on too.

He was a middle aged white dude too, his troll game was off the chain.

You got me dying bruh

 

[beezylocks]

Hilarious story rusty...

 

[kickhead23]

When I was intern at Target.

How does one intern at Target?

 

[minotauro nogueira]

not really a crazy story but, I used to work at a private golf course..It was pretty amazing, cutting grass in the morning, all alone with amazing scenery..always used to blaze at work which made it even   We also got free golf everyday..It was amazing how there are lots of places to light one up where you can keep an eye out for the supervisor, and don't gotta worry bout the smell because it's outside.. My favourite one was when i was cutting the black tees for hole 6, and this hole's black tee is very elevated with amazing views and what not, and so after lighting one up at the black tee, I just enjoyed the nature up there for 5 minutes before cutting the tee, and a hawk just started flying, being free...I was so amazed lol, it helped that I was lit as f***...A tear almost fell on hole 6th black tee that day..

chuckled at "tear almost fell on hole 6th black tee that day..."

Really interested in this experience

 

[markangelo]

chuckled at "tear almost fell on hole 6th black tee that day..."

Really interested in this experience I

 Every day I would light one up, and it makes it even more enjoyable working outside and working..  I thought it would help that i was lit when i played golf with my co-workers but nope..Ball definitely don't lie... But hey, it's just another weakness that I gotta improve on 

You're interested in what experience? working at a golf course or lighting one up at a golf course?

 

[alp]

rusty where ya at?

 

[unknwn]

Rusty's been typing his newest story since he posted the last one. It's a novel.

 

[88th]

I used to work with this smoking hot girl at a certain store chain. She worked the cosmetic counter and only really worked like two days outta the week. She was this black chick with perfect round ***.

Now the manager at the time was a HUGE frat boy type that treated his hiring job like his own eye candy auditions.

I never realized until I got to know him personally that all the chicks that worked there were cute and/or hot.

So he hires this hot black chick and she is pretty much terrible at her job. I had to pretty much coach her in working sales, but nothing I taught her ever sunk in. Despite this her commissions were through the roof. She was selling cosmetics like crazy.

I also noticed that guys came in all the time and spent huge amounts of time in her section. Some flirted, some asked for her help specifically, and some came in the store just to see her.

No one could figure out what it was about her getting soo many guys and soo much sales.

So this horndog manager looved hitting the bars and picking up chicks. He also loved hitting the clubs and titty bars.

One day he comes into work and acts all weird around her. I notice and ask him what's up. Knowing his reputation I figured he nailed her or something. He denies this but after some badgering he takes me back to the stockroom and explains his story.

Apparently during a drunken binge, he and some buddies decied to go to a strip club. While having a good time the manager sits at the front of the stage and he hears "Please welcome Paris to the stage!"

Manager turns around and sees his cosmetic sales associate twerking on stage and riding the pole like a pro. Manager goes crazy and figures he's seeing things. He gets close to her and pretty much confirms that it is her. After he awkwardly stuffs a $5 in her g string he leaves and tells no one besides me. Apparently the regulars at the club had figured out her day job and decided to give her visits there. Their main objective was to beat. Pretty sure a few guys tried to pay for it too. Guess by buying cosmetics they thought they could get some.

Some people were convinced she was hooking on the side and used this day job as a cover. To this day, no one really knows. Needless to say the hot chick quits a few weeks after the whole thing.

Hilariously guys still came into the store asking for her by name.
One time this young hispanic guy came in with roses and asked if she still worked there. I said no, and then he goes "she was fine huh?"

Rumor has it she got a job at a plastic surgeon's office and got a free boob job.

 

[andretti]

I used to work with this smoking hot girl at a certain store chain. She worked the cosmetic counter and only really worked like two days outta the week. She was this black chick with perfect round ***.

Now the manager at the time was a HUGE frat boy type that treated his hiring job like his own eye candy auditions.

I never realized until I got to know him personally that all the chicks that worked there were cute and/or hot.

So he hires this hot black chick and she is pretty much terrible at her job. I had to pretty much coach her in working sales, but nothing I taught her ever sunk in. Despite this her commissions were through the roof. She was selling cosmetics like crazy.

I also noticed that guys came in all the time and spent huge amounts of time in her section. Some flirted, some asked for her help specifically, and some came in the store just to see her.

No one could figure out what it was about her getting soo many guys and soo much sales.

So this horndog manager looved hitting the bars and picking up chicks. He also loved hitting the clubs and titty bars.

One day he comes into work and acts all weird around her. I notice and ask him what's up. Knowing his reputation I figured he nailed her or something. He denies this but after some badgering he takes me back to the stockroom and explains his story.

Apparently during a drunken binge, he and some buddies decied to go to a strip club. While having a good time the manager sits at the front of the stage and he hears "Please welcome Paris to the stage!"

Manager turns around and sees his cosmetic sales associate twerking on stage and riding the pole like a pro. Manager goes crazy and figures he's seeing things. He gets close to her and pretty much confirms that it is her. After he awkwardly stuffs a $5 in her g string he leaves and tells no one besides me. Apparently the regulars at the club had figured out her day job and decided to give her visits there. Their main objective was to beat. Pretty sure a few guys tried to pay for it too. Guess by buying cosmetics they thought they could get some.

Some people were convinced she was hooking on the side and used this day job as a cover. To this day, no one really knows. Needless to say the hot chick quits a few weeks after the whole thing.

Hilariously guys still came into the store asking for her by name.
One time this young hispanic guy came in with roses and asked if she still worked there. I said no, and then he goes "she was fine huh?"

Rumor has it she got a job at a plastic surgeon's office and got a free boob job.

Well damb

That's wild

 

[brandon3000]

bump these stories keep me going when i work overnights

 

[RustyShackleford]

NEW RUSTY!!!
-Sorry for the crazy delay brahs, this sorry was so wild be itself I struggled to add the secret sauce. Sorry if this doesn't live up to the hype.
-Once again sorry for the length
-The spoilers provide the background info to make the story make more sense,

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

So one weeknight this couple walks into the store. The guy was a lighted skinned dude who looked like a more feminine Lil Mama, so that's to say he looked really manly. He was wearing a faded We-R-One t-shirt, ashy Girbauds and some dusty Southpole boots. So I knew the last time this ***** gave a damb I was still using Netscape. The chick, the chick, well to put put it this way, if I said she looked like Gabby Sidibe that would be a huge compliment. Homegirl looked like Shabba Ranks in the face (SHABBA!!), had the body of Bam-Bam Bigelow and her breath was some fire, word to Ricky the Dragon Steamboat.

Now they come in and ask for help wit golf clubs, so instantly I know something must be up. I tell one of my coworkers to alert the LP, because it was about to go down word to Yung Joc. Anyway I'm helping them and they are asking stupid question about golf, like if they need a ball pump to pump up golf balls. They where most interested in the Taylor Made Drivers though. We had set up a display at the front of the golf department. We had like 15 drivers displayed all ranging in price from $300 to like $600. Usually I wouldn't worry people stealing the expensive clubs because we zip tie them to the display so people can't just pick them up. However I noticed that whoever setup the display forgot to do it this time. So homeboy is taking drivers off the display and swinging them at will

Now I'm on high alert but I can't tell homeboy don' touch the drivers. If any other customer would have asked I would have had to cut a driver loose for them to try them, it was store policy, so I couldn't discriminate now. But homeboy was swinging the clubs around like crazy so I had to tell him to stop that. But as soon as I say something to Lil Mama, Bam-Bam flips on me. Telling me I'm a self hating negro, screaming racism, and demanding a manager. She is causing such a scene that the manager and LP come out to calm her *** down.

LP comes out and she continues to flip on the LP. She I making such a display that the LP tells her she has to get out the store. She then starts doing this move where she kinda takes a couple steps towards the doors, then turns back and screams at the manager and me again, then takes a couple more and repeats the process. This forces the LP to stay next to her, trying to coax her out the store. LP finally gets her outside but as soon as she gets there, we here the fire alarm for the entire store go off. There was no fire but someone had opened one of the emergency fire escapes. Come to find out, Lil Mama had grabbed like 6 drivers and ran out the back, through the stockroom, through a fire door, into a car waiting at the back of the store. LP runs back in the store, but as soon as he leaves a blacked out Crown Vic pulls up and Bam-Bam runs in the car like a defensive tackle running in for a touchdown after a fumble recovery.

They did it, they outsmarted all of us. They were so dumb, that they were brilliant.

Now from what I have told you guys bout the LP you'll must know he got pride for decades. It takes him days to get over someone tricking him, and he will do whether it takes to make sure the same person never gets him twice.

Fast Forward a couple of weeks

It's a Saturday and I see Bam-Bam walk into the store. So I get on my informer steez, word to Snow, and go alert the LP. Unfortunately the LP wasn't in the store at that time, he hit traffic on his way to work and was going to be crazy late, word to this story. So I'm watching Bam-Bam like a hawk, and I see she got Lil Mama with her and a second dude. The other dude looked like a calabo between Daddy Yankee and Chief Keef. Just imagine Daddy Yankee's faces on Keefs body. Plus homeboy had buzz cut in the middle, dreads on the side and some tight *** clothes (This was the only time I seen a Hispanic dude rocking a greased up mullet). So we'll call him Daddy Keef or Chief Yankee But I digress...... I kept checking to see if the LP has come in yet, and had the entire store on high alert, but it was pointless the Wild Bunch was bout to make their move.

First up, Bam-Bam starts making a scene, cursing up a storm. At this time I was helping a customer so I wasn't watching them anymore, but I as soon as I heard ole girl start yelling I ran towards the golf department. Now I didn't really know I was going to do. But I really hated that chick and wanted her Defensive Tackle, Mr. Loverman (SHABBA!!) looking *** to get caught .They go for the drivers, problem is that this time they were all zip tied down. These dudes were unfazed, they proceed to pick-up the entire driver display, lift it overhead and run to the back. So I follow at a safe distance to see how they would take it out.

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

Now Just for more background information. The stockroom is is one long room divided into three sections, separate by large plastic swinging doors, with a see through plastic window on each door. It was nearing Black Friday and we had TONS of merchandise back there on pallets. The pallets were lined up in the sides of each room, so there was only a cramped walk area in between the palets. The main entrance goes into the middle room, and has pallets in it, the stockroom to the left has pallets in it all the way down too. The stock room to the right doesn't have pallets but is filled with these glass and metal displays. We where sending them back to corporate because the where the wrong type. We need fiberglass and plastic ones so they wouldn't break. Now we had to make sure the fire exits were no blocked because the Fire Marshall used to do surprise inspection and fine us a couple thousand if we blocked them. So the exits are accessible. Or at least they should be. Keep this info in mind. Now back to the regularly scheduled program.

They had this dude Dave who worked in the store, lil off. He was like over 40, kinda chubby, had no life besides fishing, and work. He always told people bout this dime piece he was talking too online, and how they were so in love, and how he was going to Thailand to marry her. All the while sending this broad money. He showed me a pic of the chick one time, she looked like a Ladyboy too me but I didn't want to burst his bubble. And hey, you know, life's lil surprises is what that makes it worth living. I was cool wit Dave because even though he was a brown noser, he was always good for some lulz and he was a good innocent guy.

Now Dave sees these guys running to the back and instead of moving out the way he trips Lil Mama has he is running by. His causes Mama to G-Slide fall forward through the swinging doors to the stockroom, and drop the display. Now what he also did, when I put the store on alert was block the fire exits with some pallets of merchandise so the dudes couldn’t escape. He then proceeds to walk into the stock room and informs the dudes that all the exist are blocked, and then pulls out his phone to call the cops. In front of the dudes

BIG MISTAKE

Lil Mama and Daddy Keef were heated that Dave tried to play them. They decided that escape was no longer their priority, and started to keep it #3HUNNA wit Dave. Now me and another dude were in the middle of the store looking directly down to the stock room, through the clear plastic windows. We can see dudes jump Dave. Two of the managers where there too. We tell them that Dave is getting jumped and they hold us back saying we can't help, it is against store rules, the cops are on their way, stay outta it. I'm feeling like a bish right now because one of my homies is getting stomped and I'm letting a lil white girl hold me back.

Couple seconds later I'm walking towards the stockroom but my manager keeps pushing me back saying I might get fired if I touch the dudes. Then I notice that one of dudes is swinging a driver, it was Cheif Yankee. He was feeling like he was Kobe Tiger, and was giving Dave dat “Gasolina”. So I'm, like HELL NAWH. I'm not gonna let my homie go out like that, no matter how weird he is. I push my manager aside, get my Ultimate Warrior on, and run to the back. My coworker who was a ole head from DC that claimed he ran the district in the 80s, but did a bid and was trying to get his life together. He did them same and followed me to the back. Dave used to give him rides home so I dunno if he was looking out for his homie, or just didn't want to hop on the bus.

We get back there. Now both dudes have managed to get clubs loose, and it is looking like a game of Gears 2 multiplayer. Dave was wall bouncing off of pallets trying to get away from the dudes, Daddy Keef was trying to two piece Dave but Dave had the host advantage so he was able to duck the driver. The netcode was horrible for Lil Mama so that dude wasn't connecting wit anything.

So we're back there and we are trying to break hit up but Cheif Yankee was keeping us away. We didn't have space to tackle him, we could one attack one at a time because of the pallets. Daddy Keef had the advantage of forcing us through a choke point, word to 300. But that's not to take anything away from Chief Yankee, last time I seen a Spanish dude swing a golf club that well it was Sergio Garcia.

The OG I was with caught one to the dome and was done for. Homeboy was laid out, face down, word to Suge Knight. I caught one on the temple and was kinda on dream street. Now Daddy Keef is trying to finish me off put I'm acting like James Toney in the pocket, bobbing weaving, and deflecting the blows. After a while I was getting lit up. Homeboy was Laughing to the Bank on me. And at that time we were playing Top 100 Pop songs over the stores PA system in the store. There was a reggae-ton song playing at that time, and I while my head was ringing, all I could think to myself was “Rompe!, Rompe! Rompe!”. After a couple more shots I was covering my head and was doing what looked like the bogle (SHABBA!!!) to avoid the club. And looking for a opportunity to tie homeboy up

Dave was still running from Lil Mama in the farthest 3rd section and me and Chief Yankee were playing cat and mouse in the middle section. The first section to the right was packed with huge glass displays (like I said before, they were sent to us in error and we had to mail back to corporate for plastic ones) but you could hardly move inside that stockroom. So I'm trying to catch the drive, and on one swing I got it. But homeboy must have been training at the Cobra Kai dojo because he hits a mean leg swept on me, and I I hit the ground.

So I now I'm on the ground and I know that homeboy can **** me up at his will, so I'm working my De La Riva Guard for dear life. He starts trying to head stomp me word to Pride FC and I'm feel like I about to be on an episode of “When Keeping it Real goes Wrong, Big Box Retail Edition”

Suddenly I hear a sound some noise coming from the first stockroom, the one filled wit those glass displays, at first it sounds like metals banging into each other then I hear a ton of glass shatter. At the same time someone violently pushes the swinging doors open. Real talk for a second I thought it was Stone Cold Steve Austin, but then I realized it was the LP. Business was about to pick up, word to Jim Ross.

Daddy Keef “Didn't Know Him” so he swings and gets off one clean shot. The LP didn't eem try to block it. He eat dat thang like a Buritto Bowl wit extra rice, peppers, Barbacoa, tomatoes, corn, light sour cream, lettuce, and cheese, Guac on the side. Last time I saw someone take a shot to the face that cleanly and not be fazed, it was Lisa Ann. He grabs Chief Yankee, hits him wit a mean suplex work to Dean Malenko. Then hog ties his him wit some large zip ties. I tell the LP that Dave it getting his *** whooped down at the last stockroom. He picks up the driver and walks, not runs, not jogs, he walks towards Lil Mama and Dave. Now I usually see homeboy hyped in situation like this, so seeing him so calm was strange.

Dave was hiding behind some pallets screaming for help. When the LPstarts getting near Lil Mama he started whirling the driver like it was a light-saber word. **** WAS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. Bout dat life, the LP was, word to Yoda. Lil Mama sees the LP and thinks it is the VMAs all over gain, he starts feeling himself to much and gets lost in the moment. Needless to say, the force was wit the LP and Lil Mama's lip gloss wasn't poppin. The LP made short work of the Lil Mama. Ole boy was getting lit up so much he was trying to G-Slide his way outta there. But the LP snatches him up and slaps the cuffs on him. Cops show up like 10 mins later. LP had Bam-Bam zip tied to a 300 pound weight set in his office. All 3 got locked up

We had to hail the Amber Lamps for Dave because homeboy was leaking. The dudes got charged with assault. They tried to get us all fired for fighting back, and for the LP using the driver too. We all lied and said we had no idea what dem dudes were talking about.

TL;DR
-Bam-Bam, Lil Mama, and Daddy Keef try to pull a heist for a 2nd time
-Dave trys to play hero
-Dats that **** Chief Yankee don't like
-Everyone gets tickets to the Masters
-A new challenger appears
-On No!!! The LP is here
-******* love Sosa
-The LP doesn't
-LP wins the green jacket and brings balance back to the force

 

[premium]

Wow so much effort and detail put into a lie...

 

[andretti]

Repped

 

[championboyz7]

Wow so much effort and detail put into a lie...

. Let him be great *kanye shrug*

 

[sir charles]

Damn bruh I don't even know where to start with the commentary 

 I was about to log off and I saw Rusty Shackleford out the corner of my eye. Read the whole damn thing. That one has to be my favorite next to "You ain't bringing no shame to your family wit dis!"

LP is dat dude 

 

[Case]

That "business was about to pick up, word to Jim Ross" had me in tears..

 

[degenerate423]

NEW RUSTY!!!
-Sorry for the crazy delay brahs, this sorry was so wild be itself I struggled to add the secret sauce. Sorry if this doesn't live up to the hype.
-Once again sorry for the length
-The spoilers provide the background info to make the story make more sense,

@ that Netscape line.

@ the Stone Cold Steve Austin entrance.

Not even gonna lie, I hate reading, so the shorter the better, but I could read 1000+ pages of these stories

.

One question though, aren't there cameras in the stock room?  I'd imagine they would have them so employees can't steal stuff back there

...

Wow so much effort and detail put into a lie...