Let me vent to you NT (Break up post vol TLDR)

[cragmatic]

I guess I've had my fair share of girl posts in my NT career. I'd like to think I've slowed down... lol. But you guys are great to vent to, and usually have some humorous and insightful responses that make me feel better.

I posted about this same girl back in June, cliff notes, went to g/fs work party and everyone was passing blunts. I smoked with her work friends and she lost her mind and a huge fight occurred. I said our lease ended in September.

Well we actually semi patched things up for a minute, but like always it was just temporary and we were just some stupid fight away from things being done. That fight happened and we ended the lease, moved out, and have gone our separate ways. We haven't seen each other since and are no longer talking.

After 3 years of being together and 2 years of living together it's still a little hard to process, but I guess I know I'm better off in the long run. Weed has been a problem since early on in our relationship. She knew I smoked the day we met, yet still pursued me with the intent of changing me. That's messed up. So many fights revolved around her being mad that I smoked, or accusing me of smelling or tasting like weed. Even when I legit didn't smoke I would get accusations. It was ALWAYS an issue. Relationships are about compromise, and she always wanted me to do what she wanted but didn't want to have to make any compromises herself.

I know I'm better off, but I'm in that confused/lonely state right now, and can't really see myself dating or getting back out there again anytime soon. I suppose life is better alone than constantly in a fight with someone who's constantly trying to control you, but ehhh I'm feeling ehhh right now.

So I guess the purpose of my post is to vent and wait for the supportive responses as well as the responses that are the opposite lmao. I know how NT goes.

On the bright side, I have a really dope dog that I wouldn't have had it not been for this relationship.

 

[nawghtyhare]

bruh
what is her ethnicity???
and why she trippin off weed???
i dont smoke
my girl doesnt
but have messed with females who have
and wouldn't trip if my girl did
as long as it aint interfere with anything

 

[tego calderon el abayarde]

Here for the replies.

 

[cragmatic]

She's white. Basically the reason she trips off it, she says she used to smoke, but once got something that was laced with PCP unknowingly and had a terrible trip that messed her up for months. So just the smell of it makes her anxiety go way up. But I swear it was just a power trip. We went to music festivals and concerts together many times where weed scent was everywhere and she was fine.

She was 100% okay with me drinking, it got to a point where I was drinking pints of whiskey every night and she eventually would say "you probably should slow down on drinking." But would never start a crazy fight if I had alcohol. It's because she enjoyed drinking. More or less said without saying it that she was okay with me binge drinking as long as I didn't smoke, and we all know how bad alcohol really is for you verse weed.

 

[nawghtyhare]

She's white. Basically the reason she trips off it, she says she used to smoke, but once got something that was laced with PCP unknowingly and had a terrible trip that messed her up for months. So just the smell of it makes her anxiety go way up. But I swear it was just a power trip. We went to music festivals and concerts together many times where weed scent was everywhere and she was fine.

She was 100% okay with me drinking, it got to a point where I was drinking pints of whiskey every night and she eventually would say "you probably should slow down on drinking." But would never start a crazy fight if I had alcohol. It's because she enjoyed drinking. More or less said without saying it that she was okay with me binge drinking as long as I didn't smoke, and we all know how bad alcohol really is for you verse weed.

whats ur ethnicity???
and how old are u???

 

[skylondiggs]

Kinda hit to home a bit tbh

Ion have a big response to give nor will it be as experienced as the other older members on here, but I will say charge it to the game and push on. 3 years is a long time, but the time you spent ≠ happiness of course and you're definitely better off now imo. This is the best time to work on yourself and just stack up then whenever you think you're ready, you just use that foundation you've built yourself up on to kill it in the next relationship

 

[cragmatic]

whats ur ethnicity???
and how old are u???

I'm also white, lol. And I just turned 31. She's 24. I think that's another reason this is really bugging me. The idea of even trying to date at 31 is stupid. Most girls my age who are single are either divorced/have kids or both. Maybe I need to fix my mentality but I also feel that now I'm post 30, that number seems a lot bigger to someone younger than say 28. I'll be alright though.

Also added to OP that on a good note, I have a really awesome dog that I wouldn't have had I not gotten into that relationship.

 

[eracism]

I don't blame her. Weed smokers are unattractive. Maybe she thought you would phase it out, but you didn't. I mean, if you come home from a stressful day at work and want to self-medicate in the backyard then do you. But passing the blunt around with random people at a function? If you're 25+ and still doing this then you really need to re-evaluate your direction in life. I be side eyeing the **** out of grown men who can't function socially without getting danked out in the parking lot. It's just sad. Maybe you should try to find a woman who will accept you. Most likely it will be a woman with poor hygiene, chest tats, and dismal career prospects. Good luck.

 

[nawghtyhare]

I'm also white, lol. And I just turned 31. She's 24. I think that's another reason this is really bugging me. The idea of even trying to date at 31 is stupid. Most girls my age who are single are either divorced/have kids or both. Maybe I need to fix my mentality but I also feel that now I'm post 30, that number seems a lot bigger to someone younger than say 28. I'll be alright though.

Also added to OP that on a good note, I have a really awesome dog that I wouldn't have had I not gotten into that relationship.

ok last question
before i give my take
what was her job
or profession???
and whats urs???

 

[bendover]

What’s more important
The weed or her?

 

[wayniac211]

pics?
F her. Don’t ever let a woman make you choose.

 

[stuntman mike]

my career is in substance abuse treatment and i’m a firm believer that cannabis is much less harmful than alcohol. it’s less toxic on the organs and success rates for people wanting to quit make it clear that weed is less addicting. i think that you two were just a bad fit. it’s gonna be tough because you’ve been together for years but you’ll be ok man. just don’t text/call her and don’t stalk her social media. do your own thing.

 

[b20 eg8]

Went through a break up myself not long ago and felt all the same feelings you're feeling right now my dude.

I now it's cliche but really just focus on yourself. Take some solo trips to places that are on your bucket list.

Idk if you're very outgoing person or not but just strike up random conversations with people/women and your confidence will slowly but surely boost itself back up. Her loss, not yours. You already in your head know the issues, yet you still think you're wrong somehow...... I mean, I don't really know the ins and outs fo the relationship and if you really thought she was "The One" but if it's meant to be it will be..... if not, enjoy yourself in the meantime and do what you gotta do.

Gather up the boys and have some nights out. Get together with some old female friends because they have a lot more female friends!

 

[cragmatic]

Went through a break up myself not long ago and felt all the same feelings you're feeling right now my dude.

I now it's cliche but really just focus on yourself. Take some solo trips to places that are on your bucket list.

Idk if you're very outgoing person or not but just strike up random conversations with people/women and your confidence will slowly but surely boost itself back up. Her loss, not yours. You already in your head know the issues, yet you still think you're wrong somehow...... I mean, I don't really know the ins and outs fo the relationship and if you really thought she was "The One" but if it's meant to be it will be..... if not, enjoy yourself in the meantime and do what you gotta do.

Gather up the boys and have some nights out. Get together with some old female friends because they have a lot more female friends!

I'm going to see J. Cole Friday by myself actually and in November will be flying out to LA by myself for Camp Flog Gnaw festival, I have no probelm going and doing things out of my comfort zone and attempting to socialize.

Also, one of those posts of there was real negative. Sounded like it was her posting lmao.

 

[cragmatic]

Also, as I had said in my first post. Relationships are about compromise. I was more than willing to stop smoking completely, but I asked for her to not drink. My father was an alcoholic who died when I was 6 due to liver disease. She would still say, "Well i want to drink once or twice a week." and I'd say, "Okay, if I'm hanging out with friends who want to smoke it should be okay for me to smoke with them" and she would lose her mind. If I have to give up a vice, why can't my partner compromise and give up one as well?

 

[jaymosenvied]

How do you act around her when your done smoking?

 

[sooperhooper]

Sounds like she's looking out for you but just displaying it in the wrong way. It's pushing you away instead of drawing you closer.

 

[HIM]

You'll be good in a month or so. Enjoy the free time, hit the gym. Smoke al the weed you want without having to worry about a fight. You said a few times you know you're better off. Stop harping on it.

 

[wr]

She sounds young and self righteous. She's not a drug counselor. She's externalizing her issues on you and not being considerate of your request.
It'll take time but you'll eventually realize how selfish she's being based off your post.
Plus the age difference for you guys. She's got the naivety of her 20's and being a woman. You've got the wisdom of a man in his 30's. She shouldn't be dictating how you live when she's still figuring things out.

 

[moonman818]

Something tells me she didn’t leave you over just weed fam

 

[Kinfolk]

Maybe you should try to find a woman who will accept you. Most likely it will be a woman with poor hygiene, chest tats, and dismal career prospects. Good luck.

cragmatic LOL! Apparently she's following your NT posts and still trying to control you remotely.

Only a woman would say some **** like that.

in November will be flying out to LA by myself for Camp Flog Gnaw festival, I have no probelm going and doing things out of my comfort zone and attempting to socialize.

Also, one of those posts of there was real negative. Sounded like it was her posting lmao.

No judgment, but is a Tyler the Creator festival the place a 31 year old wants to be attempting to socialize? I like his last album but there's gonna be wild amounts of high schoolers there. Don't catch a case with some 16 year old that looks 27 lol!

 

[wballz]

You're 31.
- Probably making great strides in your career.
- Knows how to treat women by this time
- probably stays fit and looks young (thus attracting the girls in their early 20's)

You're physically at your peak or near the top of your physical peak. Yet you have a mature mind and is probably stacking $$$ and that career/business trajectory will continue on an uptrend.

This equates to women throwing themselves at you. Women will sense this. You have so much to offer. The world is your oyster. Hey, as long as you can honestly say that you did your best in that relationship, be proud of what you did and move along.

 

[Based Jesus]

What’s more important
The weed or her?

Silly question, the weed.

 

[cragmatic]

As far as the festival goes, I have friends who go every year and also really want to see KSG. I’m not going to socialize. Just a quick get away and good music.

 

[cragmatic]

Something tells me she didn’t leave you over just weed fam

Nah, we used to get in mad fights because she didn’t like me hanging out with pretty much any of my friends who smoked. And if I did I would be grilled about if I smoked. She wanted to be able to go close down bars with her friends, but God forbid I hang out at one of my friends houses and chill.