TAR - Thread About Relationships vol. Calling TAY Graduates

Maybe I’m just a savage or something, but idgaf about what her or my family think. Straight up, if my people was on that **** I would cut them off if I had too for my happiness. Y’all let these folks have too much say in ya lives, u don’t need them at all. All that family **** cool but right is right and wrong is wrong. Mfers really out here losing relationships with their children over values and beliefs.... wish my people would.
 
bruce negro said:
Haha good call - I'm black and she's Korean. She came to the US when she was three so she's very Korean American, but her family lives in Ktown LA so they aren't used to dealing with black people. Most of her mom's disapproval comes from ignorance derived from living in the KTLA bubble

I'm hoping they come around before I propose because her family is super important to her and I'd want them to be involved in the marriage. I'm doing things like learning Korean now but that doesn't really pay off until they actually know that / see the effort put in there. If they wait until the grandkids to come around that definitely wouldn't be ideal, but better than nothing I guess...:ohwell:
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As someone who’s never dated my own race (I’m Asian), my best advice would be to never resent or get confrontational with her parents. Sounds like uou treat your girl well, as long as you keep that up and continue showing respect for her parents when opportunity arises, they will eventually accept you. Lot of old Asian folks are ignorant, especially towards black people but they all come around when they see how good of a person you are.

If they never come around that still shouldn’t get between you and your girl. The relationship is yours not anybody else. Flourish my man
 
$tacy said:
Maybe I’m just a savage or something, but idgaf about what her or my family think. Straight up, if my people was on that **** I would cut them off if I had too for my happiness. Y’all let these folks have too much say in ya lives, u don’t need them at all. All that family **** cool but right is right and wrong is wrong. Mfers really out here losing relationships with their children over values and beliefs.... wish my people would.
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Yea man I confused bout that too...love and come from a tight family but I wish one of them mfs would say something sideways about my wife. They already know better but I still wish they would.


Them mfs ain’t there when real life **** happen and me and my wife gotta make decisions so wth would I worry bout their opinion.
 
My friend and his ex girl broke up because he is non-korean (although asian) as well.

I feel bad for him because they got a long great and treated her like a queen. Lesson learned: never under estimate the parent's influence. Just prepare for the worst.
 
atlsfinest said:
It seems like you're doing everything you possibly can. Have you ever physically met them or are they not even letting you get that far?

Honestly, if this is a girl you want to marry then I think she should be an advocate for you. She should be vouching for your character whenever possible. Are they pressuring her to get out of the relationship with you?
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Thanks everyone for the replies :emoji_pray:

I met her mother one time. We'd been dating a year and some change (both living in NYC) and she went home for a couple months before starting med school. She didn't have a place to keep her stuff, so I let her put it all in my place. Our relationship had been a secret to her family up to this point. Her mom was going to fly back to NYC with her to help her move her stuff to school, and asked where she was keeping her stuff. Homegirl tried to be slick and say "a friend" was holding her things, but her mom pried and then it was out that she had a boyfriend - and he wasn't Korean. Apparently the mom said a bunch of stuff about how she "shaken" and wished my girl "could just be a normal girl".

So she was there when I loaded up their rental van with my girl's stuff (can't tell yall how humbling it is to have two strong-minded women arguing about how to fit a bed in a van and you don't agree with either but you can't say **** :lol:). The mom was really polite but not openly warm as expected. I asked a Korean friend of mine how to approach the situation and so I ended up making them both lunch for their drive. My girl told me later that her mother said she was "touched" by the gesture and said us dating was okay...as long as we didn't get serious or married :stoneface: :lol:

Since then my girl has been a lot more forward about her intentions to continue dating me and communicating the seriousness of our relationship to her mother. I've been really happy with the progress because this is a girl who used to NEVER stand up to her parents. I mean, she still has to ask her mom permission to spend the night at her best friend's place when she's at home (at age 26). So the fact that she's actually gone back and forth with her mom about me (heatedly at times) gives me a ton of confidence that she's really down for the relationship. It's just crazy that even if the two people involved in the relationship are doing everything right to preserve it, there will always be outside factors trying to break it apart. Fact of life, I guess.
 
bruce negro said:
What's up everyone -

the robust TAY activity has made a TAR conspicuously absent.

even after (you think) you've found Miss Right, the journey's just beginning. And the journey is rough :smh:

need a safe place for encouragement, advice and shareable stories - whether you're just getting started in something serious or you've already been married for a minute, hope we can all learn, teach and support each other. Most importantly, no judgment - we all have our flaws and moments of weakness, so let's lift each other up

To start it off -

I've been with my girl for 2.5 years. We're both 26 and we're already very aligned on next steps - we want to get married, know the general timing we'd want it to happen, aligned on geography, etc. Only issue is that my relationship with her parents is non-existent: for cultural reasons her mom is completely unsupportive of our relationship, and we have no idea how her dad feels. On the flipside, she has an amazing relationship with my family - she's come on family vacations, texts my mother and sister, gets presents from everyone on Christmas / bday, etc.

I'm not worried about us not working out due to her family but I AM worried that her parents may not come around as quickly as we expected (or worst case, not at all). Has anyone worked through a similar situation successfully? If so, any tips or perspectives are very much appreciated
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F the parents they aren't contributing on the monthly bills, ain't sharing a bed with you, and ain't on the marriage license. Really how she handles her parents is one of the final test before she reaches the final level. LOL. I'm not asking what race either of you are but are you guys the same race?
 
tay1 said:
It's true. You crazy if you don't think it is. That's not to say you gotta go overboard with trying to make her happy
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depends on the kinda girl u got
my woman wants to make me happy
and take care of me
which makes me happy
which in turn makes her happy
 
bruce negro said:
Haha good call - I'm black and she's Korean. She came to the US when she was three so she's very Korean American, but her family lives in Ktown LA so they aren't used to dealing with black people. Most of her mom's disapproval comes from ignorance derived from living in the KTLA bubble

I'm hoping they come around before I propose because her family is super important to her and I'd want them to be involved in the marriage. I'm doing things like learning Korean now but that doesn't really pay off until they actually know that / see the effort put in there. If they wait until the grandkids to come around that definitely wouldn't be ideal, but better than nothing I guess...:ohwell:
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Continued reading thread, that is it right there, different races. They might not respect you, Asian parents in the past look down on any other races. UNLESS you are a teacher.
wayniac211 said:
You never really know in regards to the 1.
That love on first sight is BS. Takes time.
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That saying needs to really be changed to lust at first sight.
​
 
bruce negro said:
Haha good call - I'm black and she's Korean. She came to the US when she was three so she's very Korean American, but her family lives in Ktown LA so they aren't used to dealing with black people. Most of her mom's disapproval comes from ignorance derived from living in the KTLA bubble

I'm hoping they come around before I propose because her family is super important to her and I'd want them to be involved in the marriage. I'm doing things like learning Korean now but that doesn't really pay off until they actually know that / see the effort put in there. If they wait until the grandkids to come around that definitely wouldn't be ideal, but better than nothing I guess...:ohwell:
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Definitely sounds, cultural. Has your GF talked to her parents on their thoughts of her relationship?
 
dlwlrma said:
She’s super close with her parents but her parents don’t accept you? Sounds like a recipe for disaster in the future.

I wouldn’t even consider marriage until that situation is sorted out. I’m Korean and idk about your girls parents, but mostkorean parents got no problem severing ties with their kids. Esp the old school ones.
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nah not necessarily
it just depends on what kinda woman u got
and how deep ur relationship is
i don't care if my mom didnt like my wife
i love her and aint nobody else disapproving gonna change that
its about me being happy
hell her parents didnt like me
a black dude come outta nowhere
blowing their daughter back out
id prolly been mad too if i was her dad
but end the end she grown
 
nawghtyhare said:
nah not necessarily
it just depends on what kinda woman u got
and how deep ur relationship is
i don't care if my mom didnt like my wife
i love her and aint nobody else disapproving gonna change that
its about me being happy
hell her parents didnt like me
a black dude come outta nowhere
blowing their daughter back out
id prolly been mad too if i was her dad
but end the end she grown
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thats you. we're men, so we got thick skin generally. in OP situation its his girl and her parents. also OP you're pretty young still so dont let your emotions cloud your judgement.
 
dlwlrma said:
thats you. we're men, so we got thick skin generally. in OP situation its his girl and her parents. also OP you're pretty young still so dont let your emotions cloud your judgement.
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if yo girl
who supposedly loves u
is having reservations cause of her parents
then that aint the one
point blank period
thick skin or not
no reason a grown adult
is trippin off falling in love
because her parents aint feeling who she love
ESPECIALLY one with who got her own place and parents aint taking care of her
 
nawghtyhare said:
but end the end she grown
Click to expand...
GzqYoby.gif
 
ecook0808 said:
nawghtyhare nawghtyhare was your girls fam cool with you from the jump? Tell us your experience.
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ones our age yeah super cool
their kids call me uncle and everything
was drinking chilling playing spades first time i met them
though me and her brother almost got into it
the first time she brought me around them
nothing cause of race
just he be on that **** or used too
he clean now
and her cousins his age was telling him to chill
and they damn near got into a fight
cause of how he was acting
but
the ones her parents age nah
they were polite to my face
but they start talking that tagolog
and my wife told me a few things
and while my wife was born here
her parents
they from the philippines
and even though they been in america over 30 years
still had the thoughts of what they believed black people were like
her parents live with us now
moved in with us like 2-3 years ago
they super old and have health issues
i prolly go a whole week and not really say more than a few words to them
not cause we beef
but cause theres nothing for us to converse about
but the kids are different they are super close with her parents
 
dcallamerican said:
What were some things they would say?
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"why a black guy"
"even though ur black ur always working and have a job"
"u know even though he's black he takes care of his kids"
couple other things i won't mention
but her dad was about to get an *** whooping
but he's old and sick and still has complications(kidney transplant)
one of her uncles aint allowed to come to the house
just cause i don't like him
the vibe he gives
and actually this one uncle who had died
was cool as hell i messed with him
but he already been around black folks
it was mainly the ones who haven't been around black folks
and just around their lil filipino community
 
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