Would YOU Have An Issue If YOUR Wife Doesn't Want To Take On YOUR Last Name? Why or Why Not?

[dearwinter219]

one one think that the "Gift" is spending the rest of their life with you....not taking on a name
you know.. big picture...not "little picture"


FAIL. That "gift" is mutual, so it doesn't "count" (you know what I mean when I say count). If my gift to her is a ring that symbolizeseternity (A diamond BETTER be forever, dammit) then her gift to me to symbolize the same would be changing her name to signify that being my wife is not heroccupation, but her identity. Like I said, marriage is for life where I come from. Divorce is man-made. Marriage is divine.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Well I know there is a LOT of social pressure from other women and the media for a woman to prove her independence and to display the idea that "No manruns me." When in reality this is what a woman wants. Not saying a woman wants to be ran over, but women for the most part want a man that is going toLEAD them.

The man is supposed to be the leader and the follow should trust his leadership (if he has proven to be a valuable leader).

But again, society puts pressure on women these days to not look "weak and submissive." Especially in the black community but we have a femaledominated culture for the most part.

 

[solefood229]

The kids are having my last name I ain't playing that hyphenated @%#*

I guess I'm just old school

I think most of the chicks in here are just talking, because when it comes down to it they're gonna change their last name unless they have a good asreason not too.( a VERY good one)

 

[deletedelete]

---

Originally Posted by DearWinter219

Marriage has BEEN a religious bond...in every religion... um...duh?


It's killing me to read all these women saying MY this and MY that......MY identity... MY life, etc. Then why join into a "we" type thing if it's all about you? You can't give that man anything, can you? Selfish...

. And didn't Shakespeare say "A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet"? You'll still be who you were, so why not give that man the GIFT he's earned? Why so serious? Ya'll always pick fights over the little picture which only shows that ya'll never see the bigger one.

your logic is flawed..change the variables. "rose by any other name".... is she still not your wife if she doesn't have your name?

would you change YOUR last name to hers if you got married? i mean, you're still the same person.

 

[kix4kix]

Bet that half the females in here when it comes down to it are changing their name, regardless of what they say. I got some homegirls who were the first toargue this back in HS, now they got their bf's last name on FB.

 

[air justinxi]

I wouldnt be angry but pretty disappointed

 

[dirtylicious]

Originally Posted by DearWinter219

one one think that the "Gift" is spending the rest of their life with you....not taking on a name
you know.. big picture...not "little picture"

FAIL. That "gift" is mutual, so it doesn't "count" (you know what I mean when I say count). If my gift to her is a ring that symbolizes eternity (A diamond BETTER be forever, dammit) then her gift to me to symbolize the same would be changing her name to signify that being my wife is not her occupation, but her identity. Like I said, marriage is for life where I come from. Divorce is man-made. Marriage is divine.
so you're basically boiling it down to a transaction....?
you buy her the ring...she has to change her name?

 

[chokeonsmoke]

Originally Posted by Hazeleyed Honey

Originally Posted by chokeonsmoke

AMEN....all of a sudden women wanna take a stand, and now we got girls by the age of 14 thiking its coo to hop in the sheets. thats one thing that i love about muslim culture, they got their women straight and they follow by it for centuries, you might have your few sleezers but thats what stoning is for.

im latino by the way.

The hell?

It is infact more cultural than religious, those kind of traditions you speak of existed even long before Islam came along. In the Middle East, Christians abide usually to similar customs to Muslims when it comes to patriarchal standings in society.

Also in the Middle East, the woman does not even take the man's last name, she stands by her own bloodline family's last name.

thats what im talking about middle eastern women know how to take care of their husbands and love them to the fullest...feel me thats why i never come sleezytowards them i respect them. i work with a muslim women and shes hella coo and she aint like all them skeezers, i also dont check out other females when imaround her cus i know thats disrespect.

 

[dearwinter219]

Nah dirty, I'm boiling it down to symbolism. Certain things mean a lot to certain people. Over the years, a ring has come to symbolize such and such withfemales. Well the last name argument is one that is heavy with symbolism as far as I'm concerned.

 

[myhandstank]

Why these 2009 females try so hard to be different or show that their independent

Chicks talking about " I've been such and such my whole life that's who I am" so you telling me changing your last name is going to changethe person you are? Ain't nobody going to forgot who the hell you are.

Next thing you know both of y'all #%*#@ gonna be wearing tuxes at the alter because she wanna show that she wears the pants in the relationship also

 

[dearwinter219]

your logic is flawed..change the variables. "rose by any other name".... is she still not your wife if she doesn't have your name?

would you change YOUR last name to hers if you got married? i mean, you're still the same person.

No it isn't.... and can ya'll please stop using that dumb *+% argument? "Well if we flipped tradition on its head, it would still bea tradition, just not the same tradition! But it's still the same thing...just upside down!" ---now that is flawed logic.It's completely stupid. All the way.

. I have nothing wrong with the idea of taking her name, but that idea isn't for me. It's for differentmen that aren't like me. Nevermind...@+*# tradition. Let's just all shack up and be commonlaw married after 7 years. What's the difference, right?Let's throw out every cornerstone of what a traditional marriage is and make up out own rules today, right now. @+*# it. It's all the same anyway.

 

[veryanalytical85]

Yup.

Everyone has deal breakers and for me this is one of them. My surname may be common, but unfortunately I have no brothers or sisters so it would be nice forher to take it up. Also in terms of this "hyphenation" business, unless as stated earlier (she's a celebrity or has some form ofprofessional/income related benefit to her family's surname and agenda) in most cases it just seems awkward to me like my old philosophy instructor talkedabout him and his wife (or life partner in his words). With that said, there are things people believe heavily in...religion I'm open, ethnicity I'mpretty open, but everything regarding marriage and the union of two folks, nah I would want this aspect to be kept traditional. Shouts to Winter and everyother person with a profound argument in support of this.

 

[dearwinter219]

Right back at you G... I just feel that something as big as spending your life with one person should be left the way it is. All these new ideas justcreate the same old problems. Next it will be "It's 2009, I shouldn't have to give birth either. We can just do invetro. I'm not letting somesweaty man lay up in my lap!". And that's when you really have to ask yourself, "what the hell is it all for then?". What makes a marriageany more meaningful than a "long term fling"? Are there not certain obligations a wife must fulfill (and that goes for a husband as well)? I know Ifor one will NOT marry a tightlegs. Where do you draw your line (rhetorical), cause I refuse to draw mine after my surname. And if she feels she has to drawone before it, she doesn't deserve it. Ain't no half-Joneses round here. You're either in...or out. Period.

 

[nocomment6]

Yeah I suppose I'd want her to take it.

 

[panaricanretro]

My wife kept her last name, and it doesn't really bother me. She married me, not my name. If we have kids, they'll have my name, and she said she'dprobably change her last name once we had kids, but for now, she's on that same "I'm an independent woman, I'm not changing" stuff so Idon't really stress it.

 

[kyrac2]

Originally Posted by SoleWoman

i am seriously considering hyphenating my name. Once i explain the reason why to my husband...if he cant be understanding then he cant be husband.

not happening woman

 

[theycallmed]

I would hope she would want to take my name, but thats a discussion for when the time is right.

But we were at Safeway and she was using my club card and the dude called her "Mrs. Ponce", and she was all smiles for the rest of the day. So Idon't think there will be any problems.

 

[maddog345]

I would hope she would take my last name and not make a big fuss about it.

 

[dearwinter219]

Originally Posted by PanaRicanRetro

My wife kept her last name, and it doesn't really bother me. She married me, not my name. If we have kids, they'll have my name, and she said she'd probably change her last name once we had kids, but for now, she's on that same "I'm an independent woman, I'm not changing" stuff so I don't really stress it.

Holy direct and blatant contradictions Batman!

I don't know how you guys go for this stuff. Maybe it's because I'm a wordsmith and I take words WAY more seriously than most, but I couldn'tmarry a chick who swore by her own independence. Marriage is an agreed MUTUAL dependence upon one another.There is no such thing as a commited wife who's independent, nor is there a such thing as a committed husband who is independent. Marriage merges two livesinto one for the better of the union. That's all there is to it. So if my lady hits me with that baby back Beyonce @#@%@###, she can bey-ounce her @#* upout the door.

 

[deletedelete]

Originally Posted by DearWinter219

your logic is flawed..change the variables. "rose by any other name".... is she still not your wife if she doesn't have your name?

would you change YOUR last name to hers if you got married? i mean, you're still the same person.

No it isn't.... and can ya'll please stop using that dumb *+% argument? "Well if we flipped tradition on its head, it would still be a tradition, just not the same tradition! But it's still the same thing...just upside down!" ---now that is flawed logic. It's completely stupid. All the way.

. I have nothing wrong with the idea of taking her name, but that idea isn't for me. It's for different men that aren't like me. Nevermind...@+*# tradition. Let's just all shack up and be commonlaw married after 7 years. What's the difference, right? Let's throw out every cornerstone of what a traditional marriage is and make up out own rules today, right now. @+*# it. It's all the same anyway.
she is the same person if she has your name or not. she is your wife if she has your name or not. if a rose is sweet by any other name, is she notas sweet if she goes by her maiden name and not married name? that's what i'm saying.

i don't necessarily believe in the hooplah of marriage. i don't believe in "traditions". i dont believe in religion either which is basicallywhat marriage is based upon. why must we do things just because it is expected of us, because it is the norm? not even just with marriage... with everything.we make such a big deal about the little things that distract us from what really matters. if you love a person and want to spend the rest of your life withthem, then things like name changing and wedding rings and fancy weddings are trivial. like i said before, these things are not correlary to the strength of arelationship.

i understand why you would want your girl to change her name from the story you told. but my whole philosophy on life is that i am my own person. i've beenin the situation where i have made my life about another person and another thing. and when you lose that, then what? i've been there. i've seen it. idont think relationships should be about being one person... about making your entire life about the other.. i think it should be about encorporating anotherperson into your life while still maintaining yourself.

but thats just how i feel about the situatuion.

but it should differ with every relationship. these things are subjective. i don't understand how people (in general) let their emotions overpower theirrationality. like who cares, let people do as they please. it's their lives after all.

 

[illwill8710]

If a woman doesn't want to take your last name that means the marriage is temporary and she doesn't want your name to get in the way of any futurepaperwork!!

 

[klipschorn]

There wouldn't be a problem, however our kids better take my last name.

 

[solewoman]

Originally Posted by kyrac2

Originally Posted by SoleWoman

i am seriously considering hyphenating my name. Once i explain the reason why to my husband...if he cant be understanding then he cant be husband.

not happening woman

go make my dinner






lol jk

 

[eight2one]

None of that hyphenated crap on my children or wife! their last names are gonna be Palacio!

 

[enlightened thought]

don't care if the wife takes my last name...though, just like the rest, my kids better take my last name.