powerballin
Banned
- 3,756
- 2,706
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2012
Today I am alive. I should be happy. I should be inspired. I should be excited. I should be motivated.
Today I am alive. I have family. I have friends. I am healthy. I have food. I have shelter.
Today I am alive. And yet I don't want to be. I don't care for tomorrow. I don't care for next week, next month, or next year. I don't care for yesterday. The past and future are the same to me. Neither matters. I am just here.....today.
-1/22/13
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Last Monday night I wrote that and then proceeded to take prescription pills and drink rum until the job was done. I was officially done with living. I wanted out. I was tired. The thought of tomorrow made me almost physically sick. I just sat on the floor in complete darkness listening to Mood Muzik and Beanie Sigel while every memory of my life from childhood to the present passed through my head. All my family, friends, experiences, etc. I wasn't angry or scared. I felt at peace and just continued to drink and drink. And that's all I can remember.
I woke up laying in my own vomit and spilled alcohol everywhere. I couldn't even move. I just layed there. My head and my stomach felt so bad. I can't even explain the feeling it was like I got stabbed in the stomach. My mouth was so dry it hurt. I couldn't even stand up I could only crawl down the hall and into the bathroom. I just crawled into the bath tub and turned on the water with my face under the facet. I tried to drink....every swallow hurt. I just let the water run over my mouth and face. The water made me sick and I threw up again right in the tub. Laying there I pushed the tab to turn on the shower with my foot. After about 10 mins of laying in the shower I rolled out the tub and hobbled to the sink. For some reason I just wanted to see myself.
To my surprise when I looked in that steamy mirror I seen somebody else. I didn't see the unhappy, uninspired, deflated person I came to know. I seen a fresh face. I seen a familiar face. Somebody who used to want to conquer the world and actually believe he could. At that moment I wiped the mirror to see clearly and look him in the eyes. And he looked back at me and said "You are still here". And all I could do was smile and then laugh. While it hurt like hell I was laughing.
Today I am here. I am still alive. I am happy. I am inspired. I am excited. I am motivated
Today I am still alive. I still have family. I still have friends. I am healthy. I have food. I have shelter
Today I am still alive. And I love life. I love myself. I can't wait until tomorrow. I am planning for next week, next month, and next year. I value yesterday. The past and future will tell my story and my life matters. I am still here.
Sometimes you have to reach rock bottom before you can come up. Remember you were born alone and you will die alone. You and only you can ensure happiness or peace of mind. Love yourself.
Today I am alive. I have family. I have friends. I am healthy. I have food. I have shelter.
Today I am alive. And yet I don't want to be. I don't care for tomorrow. I don't care for next week, next month, or next year. I don't care for yesterday. The past and future are the same to me. Neither matters. I am just here.....today.
-1/22/13
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Last Monday night I wrote that and then proceeded to take prescription pills and drink rum until the job was done. I was officially done with living. I wanted out. I was tired. The thought of tomorrow made me almost physically sick. I just sat on the floor in complete darkness listening to Mood Muzik and Beanie Sigel while every memory of my life from childhood to the present passed through my head. All my family, friends, experiences, etc. I wasn't angry or scared. I felt at peace and just continued to drink and drink. And that's all I can remember.
I woke up laying in my own vomit and spilled alcohol everywhere. I couldn't even move. I just layed there. My head and my stomach felt so bad. I can't even explain the feeling it was like I got stabbed in the stomach. My mouth was so dry it hurt. I couldn't even stand up I could only crawl down the hall and into the bathroom. I just crawled into the bath tub and turned on the water with my face under the facet. I tried to drink....every swallow hurt. I just let the water run over my mouth and face. The water made me sick and I threw up again right in the tub. Laying there I pushed the tab to turn on the shower with my foot. After about 10 mins of laying in the shower I rolled out the tub and hobbled to the sink. For some reason I just wanted to see myself.
To my surprise when I looked in that steamy mirror I seen somebody else. I didn't see the unhappy, uninspired, deflated person I came to know. I seen a fresh face. I seen a familiar face. Somebody who used to want to conquer the world and actually believe he could. At that moment I wiped the mirror to see clearly and look him in the eyes. And he looked back at me and said "You are still here". And all I could do was smile and then laugh. While it hurt like hell I was laughing.
Today I am here. I am still alive. I am happy. I am inspired. I am excited. I am motivated
Today I am still alive. I still have family. I still have friends. I am healthy. I have food. I have shelter
Today I am still alive. And I love life. I love myself. I can't wait until tomorrow. I am planning for next week, next month, and next year. I value yesterday. The past and future will tell my story and my life matters. I am still here.
Sometimes you have to reach rock bottom before you can come up. Remember you were born alone and you will die alone. You and only you can ensure happiness or peace of mind. Love yourself.