My most embarrassing and frustrating sexual experience W/ CLIFFNOTES

[illoquent aka dsk]

Originally Posted by MoMoney848

I'm re-living grade 5 sex-ed.

Damn Canada. Really? They had us watching movies from The Great Depression. You got THAT? (Malcolm in the Middle) Life is unfair (/MITM)

Ayo, if nawghtyhare posts up them erotica tales one more time...

Dude over there jerkin his gherkin and pleasuring himself with his made up fantasies over a guy who will not be doing anything remotely close to that in theforeseeable future...

 

[ogbobbyjohnson773]

Originally Posted by I R Andre

Originally Posted by OGbobbyjohnson773

pm sent

Im trying to run some game, hop off *cough*

 

[ichopsamples]

����

No Lie....I kinda have this problem here and there

�Still gettin thebunz tho

�

Everything minus the phonecall part

 

[b smooth 202]

this cannot be serious

 

[bboi4lif3]

Originally Posted by early90s

Son just commited e-suicide

EDIT:
My lord that is pathetic. You need the whole alphabet after that my man, you and your girl. A regular L won't even suffice.

SHE didn't know which hole?

but honestly man

I feel so bad for you right now

 

[i r andre]

Originally Posted by OGbobbyjohnson773

Im trying to run some game, hop off *cough*

 

[weekend girl]

Originally Posted by pastellove88

son how you put a condom on backwards is that even possible?

what you do roll it out then put it on

Dude blew it up like a balloon animal and tried to put it on with the quickness before the air escaped

Attempts number 2, 3, 4, and 5 he felt the recoil,tho. +!*$ snapped back like adjustable caps

 

[superantigen]

Originally Posted by Da XpLiCiT OnE


For some background info:
- As some of y'all know, I'm 22 and my girl is 21. We've been in long distance relationship for all of our 2+ years. We're both virgins (and some of y'all think she isn't). For the past year+, I've been asking her every 3 months that I see her to make love, and I've gotten declined everytime. Last March, she told me she misses the days where I didn't ask, so since MARCH, I've only talked about it once, where I did get declined back in May. Sometime then, she said, "we will this year".

*scroll down for cliffnotes
**I wrote part of this in Mid August while my girl was in the shower a day after the event, and I didn't finish it, until now.

So my girl flew to my state last week [mid August again], and yesterday we drove 4 hours to another state to a theme park and stayed at a hotel overnight. After our theme park in the middle of the day, we checked in our hotel. It was the nicest hotel I've stayed at, room-wise, like a suite. After touring our room, she went to take a shower, and I was immediately saddened at the fact she won't allow us to take a shower together, and we don't even do "it" yet and we have this amazing room. She saw I was sad and asked me why I looked sad, while I lie curled on this sofa, right before she went to take her shower, and I told her because I want to take a shower with her (or that we didn't do it yet I can't remember which one), and she told me it's ok and went to take her shower. After hers, I took mine. I then went to lie down to relax before we went downtown to check the nightlife, and she lied next to me after getting ready, and went down on me. After she was done (no i've never "finished" she won't do it that much), I kept saying "give it to me", and then she whispered "you give it to me". Then she said something like "go to the store and buy some". I was thinking in my head, "is she telling me to get some condoms?" Then I remembered she told me to bring the ipod stereo and I put 2&2 together in that she was finally ready, but I didn't want to get excited because I've been turned down too many times.

After the night went on, we ate dinner, went out to some places downtown, and then on the way home, I said let's stop by the store. She said "for what huh" followed by a smile. I was like "you know what", and she said "I don't want to buy it with you - i'll stay in the car". Then I was pretty sure she was ready at that point. First stop, grocery store.

She came in with me at first since I made her. I was nervous, excited, shocked… overwhelmed to say the least, and I still wasn't 100%. We tried to find the condoms, only to see it was locked. She then found the lube section, and picked out some. She then left the store b herself to go wait in the car, and we decided to get the condoms from a gas station. After buying the lube, stopped at a gas station, picked up the condoms, and went on our way to the hotel.

Once we got to our suite-like hotelroom, all the emotions I felt prior to walking in the grocery went off the charts. She got lotion and went to the restroom to lotion up I guess, and told me to "get ready" or something like that, and to clean the room as it was when we first got it. I cleaned, got out the lube and condoms, and then she came out of the bathroom with a tank top and some short shorts thing.

We turned off most of the lights except one by this desk so it was decently dark, then the playing began. After I took off her clothes, except for her panty, then she took off mine. She went down on me, and then while she did, I was opening the condom.

After I put it on, she kept telling me to put more lube on it, and so then she FINALLY took of her panty when I went on top. She said "you don't know how (or where) to do it".. and after trying for a little bit, she was right… I didn't know where it goes. About a minute passed when I tried, and of course, I wasn't erect any longer.

I had 6 condoms, so now I have 5. The 2[sup]nd[/sup] one, I tried right after she went down, and then I put it on backwards, so she said put a new one. Condom 3 was on, and it was repeat of the last scenario. After the 3[sup]rd[/sup], she took a mirror and went to the bathroom to check exactly where it goes. She thought there are two holes, one to pee and one to make love, so she thought once or twice I was going to put it in the pee hole. Well I was sure you can't even see that hole but oh well. So, she came back out after half the condoms were used up, and we tried again, but this time with her on top.

Attempt 4 and 5 were repeats - I couldn't keep it up for any longer than a minute each time. I guess I was just overwhelmed, and I wasn't feelin it. She said to save the last one and that we could try in a couple hours. I told her since we're just wasting condoms, lets try without one first then I could put one on after we know what we're dong. So we tried, and there was one point where put it in partly, but she said ow and I don't think anything happened.

We slept, woke up in like 3 hours, and then at 4am, we tried again. I put it partly in, and then she said it hurt, and same thing happened yet again. Woke up an hour or so before checkout, and she told me to buy more condoms. We tried once, and same thing again. After a wasted condom, we tried again without one, and this time I put it was in for a little bit, and nothing happened. Since it was our only night until we both flew back to her home state with her roommates for a week (as well as her getting her period)… it was the last time we really tried.

I took the most Ls that night, but I wasn't as mad at myself as I thought, because I was happy she was finally ready, but I was really overwhelmed she was actually ready. We'll try again the next time we see eachother and I'll be ready since I'm not overwhelmed any longer.

CLIFFNOTES:

- Went on Vacation in August with my girl in a nice hotel

- She gave me clues that she was ready, to go buy "some" and for me to "give it to her"

- Went out for a fun night and bought some condoms and lube

- Used up all 6 condoms

- Couldn't find where to put it most of the time, it hurt when i partly put it in, and I couldn't keep it up longer than a minute to fully make love

- So it really didn't happen

- It was our only time we could have tried, because she got her period after and then i had to go back home for school.

BUT on a more serious note

 

[crank lucas]

dam 12 pages, time to ketchup

 

[roback1991]

Damn, fam.



Ego faceplant.

 

[verbatim]

You wasted 6 condoms.

Don't worry, you guys can try again in 2-3 months.

 

[ritch1088]

I'm not going to clown you. You failed so bad I have nothing to say.

 

[a king of da kickz]

Sheesh...sounds like a rough nite! lol

 

[Dunk Demon]

 

[rowenarrow]

You can do it Op, you just need to beileve.

 

[javier5857]

Yo, you better make damn sure you get the job done next time...if there even is a next time..

 

[soleoneyez]

smh, Beating cheeks should not be this complicated.

 

[finnns2003]

yikes

 

[finnns2003]

okay, i read most of the thread and i won't pile on... stuff like this will happen, especially if you're both virgins. hell, happened to me and an ex,although it was in my teens... however i will say, that's a lot of rubbers you fumbled with

 

[socaking]

Maybe she had sex, cause I cant imagine a girl having to look at her reflection to tell which hole to put it in. i mean come on.....

 

[supafly122]

Well Target.com has this lamp that will help you out the next time in 2-3 months.
It'll run you about $30 + shipping. It look decent too

 

[missinpieces]

Originally Posted by Dynasty Raider

That's a damn shame. Don't even know what else to say besides, you should change your screen name.

......samething happen to me.....when i was15

young and dumb FTW

 

[missinpieces]

Originally Posted by Supafly122

Well Target.com has this lamp that will help you out the next time in 2-3 months.
It'll run you about $30 + shipping. It look decent too

my man tryna get his commission up

 

[xxtowrxx]

sounds like you don't have any magic touch with your fingers/tongue ... You can't just bake a pie without preheating the oven ...

 

[nothinafter]

all im going to say is....you better not get into it with another N'TER ever

this is going to follow your NT career till you die