- Joined Jan 8, 2004
Baron Davis Says He Was Abducted By Aliens
Former NBA star Baron Davis appeared on a recent episode of The Champs, a podcast hosted by comedians Neal Brennan and Moshe Kasher, and he spoke briefly about the time he was abducted by aliens while driving from Las Vegas to L.A. Sure, Baron Davis, why the hell not?
You can listen to Davis's story, which is a little light on details, below. The story ends with Davis eating burgers in an In 'N Out, shaking and sweaty and trying to figure out what just happened to him. That's a fun image. Also, Davis says the Illuminati may have been involved, because duh.
Aliens once stole Baron Davis for a brief examination.
At least, that is what the former NBA star had to say in an interview with Neal Brennan and Moshe Kasher for The Champs podcast, via Deadspin.
Here is the audio that will have most of you thinking twice about making the drive from Las Vegas to Los Angeles all alone. (Warning: This audio contains graphic language.)
Davis states that he was driving back from Las Vegas when he saw a bright light and was suddenly being poked and prodded by these "crazy looking people," which probably doesn't go over well with his former hosts.
Finally, he realizes he is in Montebello, California, not knowing why he is there, which is precisely the feeling anyone has when driving through Montebello.
Thankfully, there was an In-N-Out nearby to calm his nerves.
Now, as Yahoo! Sports notes, he does temper the story a bit:
Eventually, Baron backed off his "abduction" stance, but only because that sounds like too pejorative a phrase.
While I am sure all of us believe Davis was no doubt beamed into space or some other dimension, there is a tiny part of me that thinks he may have just fallen asleep, which is just as scary considering the dark and windy roads."I don't think it was an abduction, dude — I think that they were, like ... because now, like, I come back and, like, I'm, like, sharper and [expletive], you know what I mean?" Davis said. "Like, I'm retaining information."
But let's ditch the speculation, because buying into the story wholeheartedly is far more fun.
If movies like Independence Day taught us anything, it's that aliens come here looking to study our weaknesses—like NBA stars breaking down game tape.
We can now all look forward to life forms from other planets one day coming here to demolish humanity with ankle-breaking maneuvers and fall-away jumpers. It will be a day of terror that no amount of solid man-to-man defense or Bill Pullman speeches can remedy.