NT, I miss my dad..

15,118
5,840
Joined Oct 8, 2003
After another long Father's day, and many "happy father's day" later, I sit here at 3am wishing the one man I wanted to say it to, was here. After leaving my mom and family years ago on bad terms, I have tried to tell myself I didn't need him in my life, and although ultimately I can get by without him just fine, I wish he was here and in my life. Now an adult in my mid 20's, there have been plenty of times in which I could have really used his advice. I find myself being envious of people who have theirs fathers in my life, and I hate that about myself. Sometimes I wish he was here just so I could have a cold beer with him. I regret not spending more time with him growing up, and it's time I'll never get back. I regret being spiteful towards him. I regret being judgmental towards him. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and just talk to him, spend time with him. Unfortunately I can't and one day he'll pass away and I'll be left with a heart full of regret. I miss my dad.

Sorry for blabbering guys, it's just something I can't tell anybody I know but had to get off my chest.
 
3,937
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Joined May 26, 2006
Dont be sorry. That post was realer than half of the bs we entertain on a daily basis.
Good news is that your pops has probably had the same thoughts of regret that you are having.
And since he is not dead, you still have an opportunity to mend the relationship, if that is what you want.
And if it doesnt work out like you would hope, at least you can erase that regret from your mind.
I hope you two reconcile
 
31,480
1,912
Joined Sep 16, 2003
Losing someone you can't get back is painful. I have a lot of resentment towards my father. He's done and said countless things that paint a bad picture of him through the years. The only reason I called him yesterday is not because I wanted to, but because I knew it would be expected of me. Most of the time I don't even return his texts or calls. But deep down I know that if he was gone, I'd miss him. Yet, things just aren't that simple. Some people just don't change. It sucks. I hope something changes that will allow you two to talk to each other and be open about how you two feel.
 
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Joined May 2, 2001
while I'm lucky that my dad has been always there for me... someone from my HS posted this the other day to FB.

Quite poignant for those who grew up w/o their father...

My dad made me and I'm glad I'm here and if nothing else, I'm grateful to him for that. In my first few years, I thought he was the funniest, smartest, most loving and most playful guy on Earth. I still love that guy. The rest of the time has been tough going between us. Downward slope the whole way. I'm hoping for some lasting peace between us while he's still here, but I'm not there yet.

Lucky for me I've had a lot of other father figures in my life: my grandfather, my stepfather, therapists, teachers, bosses, older friends, including the middle aged guys I now play basketball with every week. It's not the same, but it does add up to a father and I've gotten enough of what I need. With all that extra help, I'm trying to build myself into the father I didn't have. Not easy! Any time I give my kids something I didn't get... man, it stings.

If you've got a father who never gave you close to enough, just remember it's a big world out there. Keep your eyes and heart open. My friend used to tell me that looking to our dad for everything we need is like going to a rusty spigot dribbling brown water when a few feet away there's a gushing waterfall. My heart goes out to anyone missing a dad or wishing they had more than they got. You're not alone!
 
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Joined Dec 5, 2010
Kind of understand how you feel, my dad has always been difficult to be around. We went to the movies yesterday to see Man of Steel and it almost felt like a chore getting prepared to go see the movie. Some days I feel like he should just wake up and stop being the way he is or apologize for acting like a jackass on those small occasions but then I realize that no one is ever perfect including himself and myself included and that you can never expect anyone to truly be the person you want them to be, it's just unrealistic. Those petty moments just aren't worth getting into arguments with him anymore for me and everyone else in the family. They were hard times but really not that bad when I consider everything he's done for me. Wish I took his advice more seriously when I was younger but now it's just eh, we live under the same roof and I don't do anything that causes conflict.

damn good post though... I need a good reminder every now and then to be a better son. :\
 
1,651
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Joined Jan 28, 2013
It must be hard for someone to have had a dad in their life at a young age, and have him leave or taken away.

I grew up without a dad and I really didn't miss or need him because that was the only life I knew. As I got older though I realized what could have been, and sometimes wish I had a man that was my father to be able to look up to and seek advice from.

With the popularity of the internet I eventually sought him out, meeting him for the first time when I was 27 years old. Even though my father is not an admirable man, it felt good to finally meet him, say what I needed to say, and close that chapter in my life. That was 5 years ago and I haven't spoken to him since. 

Not having a dad though and understanding how I missed out on certain experiences I must say has made me a great father. I really relish the opportunity to be a dad, and my children have benefited by me being so engaged in their life. So in a sense I tell myself that me not having a father was ultimately for a bigger and better purpose. 

My advice for you would be to reach out, and tell him everything you just told us. If you guys are able to mend the relationship, that would be great. If not, you can take things for what they are and let them go. Good Luck. 
 
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Joined Oct 28, 2005
if you want to then do it. nothing is holding you back from at least attempting to communicate with him but yourself. I do work with conflict resolution and you have to understand 100% of the relationship relies on you and 100% of the relationship lies on him. It is not 50-50. You reach out to him, let him know you want to see him/ talk about things, etc. If he is ready he will respond, if not let him know the door is open and when he is ready you are ready too. PM me if you decide to do it, I would love to hear what he says
 
2,987
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Joined Feb 8, 2010
I know that feel.

But I think if my father ever tried to re-connect with me, I'd turn him away.
 
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