To my NTers with kids

[naija nitemare]

Look at Mike Tyson's life before and after children

I don't have kids, but watching his show on Fox shows me how much it can change a man.

I've been wanting to have a kid lately but I know I am too young and not ready to sacrifice yet. Props to those of you who are great fathers. I know a couple great dads/moms and I know a couple deadbeat dads. How someone could ever abandon their child is beyond me.

 

[d e beatup]

One of my chapter brothers left his wife a while back because he realized he got married for the wrong reasons (their kid). After being apart for a while, he's deciding to go back and try to repair the relationship. I aak him if he regrets his decisions (parenthood, marriage, etc), he says nah.

I think one of the most crucial lessons I've learned in becoming a man is to not live with regrets. What's done is done & I can't change it, but I can learn from my past.

I was just like your boy, ended up getting married ONLY because we had a kid together. At 21, full time college student & religious parents, almost seemed like the only option. I'm divorced now and it does feel like I had no life outside of being a dad these past 8 years but I take a great amount of pride knowing that I'm doing for mines all the things that I wanted/missed out on due to a deadbeat.

I do try to stress to these young dudes to find a consistent girl & practice monogamy and birth control to but repeat my path. I hate condoms so I don't try to be a hypocrite & preach about them but if you're not going that route you need to be in a trusting, committed relationship & on BC.

 

[wayniac211]

Having a child and that being the best thing that happened only applies to those who put in work!
No regrets and I have 5. No deadbeat dads in my circle...Actually kept us away from the drama of being 6ft under & locked up behind the walls..

 

[dfabix]

my nickel on kids...

Firstly, no person can truly know unconditional love until they've had kids....

Kids are hard ******* work....it will flip your life upside down.
Things CHANGE....that is a fact.

I agree with the father - daughter/son relationship too...it's something magical when done right.
I'm trying my best to break the mold and do it right.
It takes a lot of effort, time, energy, sacrifice and LOVE...the last one comes easy.

Now, having a child with a significant other (married or not) is a whole 'nother issue...
It WILL CHANGE your relationship (see the words I emphasize....LOVE...WILL.....CHANGE!)

I believe it is an absolutely must that both parents be on the exact same page regarding the upbringing of the child and the morals, goals and wants you have for the kid and yourselves...otherwise, you're doomed.

kids need consistency and structure...if that's not there, you have a nightmare ahead of you.

another thing, depending on your aspirations for the child your bring...it's an expensive endeavor.
My daughter is almost 4 and up til this point, we have kept her in hand-me-down everything...
from crib to clothes to toys to books and the list continues....
why you ask? because college is gonna be a doozy....I started a 529 almost immediately after she was born...
after doing a spreadsheet to see what I needed by the time she's 18....it's not pretty...

to close out my rant....it's hard work (if you want to do it right), it zaps your energy but you also find energy you never knew you had, one smile, one I love you, one "daddy carry" and you melt like hot butter....
there are no overnight sensations...everything takes hard work, discipline and dedication...

best of luck.

 

[feeture]

My daughter is the coolest funniest person i have ever meet. she 13 months and walking and yapping lol. i love her so much and can attest to the fact that kids are the best blessing in the world.

we have a bond that is being strengthened everyday and i love it. cant wait to see whats next!

she can def make me smile in any situation no matter what. me and my girl didnt plan to have a kid but it also wasnt bad news when we found out. its very hard tho. but not hard to the point of frustration. conquering the goals of fatherhood are truly rewarding my man.

When she reaches her hands up for me to pick her up......real feels mane, real feels.

 

[mike23theking]

I have 2 daughters, Noelani ( 10 ) and Jordynne ( 8 ), both unplanned.

Would I go back and change anything? Well, looking back... maybe I'd be more careful and yes possibly have them a bit later down the line. I say this thinking I could've taken school a little more seriously or gone straight to a medical trade school. However on the flipside, I love being able to still be active with them. I was 21 when I had my Noee and I love being able to be involved with sports and their activities. Currently, I'm coaching their soccer team and I'm having a blast. Her brother was 35 before he had his first kid. That's definitely something I didn't want.

Were currently debating right now whether we want one more and shoot for a boy. She wants one VERY badly. I'm still 50/50 at this point. Would love to have my last name keep going, but not sure right now if it's feasible or practical to have another one.

---

Noelani is a trip. She's just like her Grandpa and her uncle. Joker, prankster, always looking for a laugh...

Jordynne is the sweetheart. She's always looking for the hug or kiss goodnight. She'll come outta nowhere to give me a kiss or hug. Also, she can't put a book down to save her life. Instead of asking for toys and other junk for gifts, she'll ask for books or a gift card to Barnes and Noble. How do I say no to that? She's already gotten caught at school reading during recess or reading while in line to play tetherball.

View media item 618803

 

[heliumclinton]

If I didn't have a kid I'd prb be in jail or on some serious drugs, so yeah it was the best thing that happened to me. I wouldn't change when it happened either and it wasn't planned.

 

[maldonado]

..

 

[a blinkin]

The real question is, how would you feel if you could never have kids?

It would suck. Big time. Being a good father is probably my ultimate goal in life. Just not right now. I'm way too selfish and feel as though I have to enjoy my life first before I can invite others into it.

My girlfriend at the time (now wife) of many, many years gave me the I'm pregnant out of no where...had my son. He is a mini-me. He'll be 11 in a few days.

my next 3 are girls....and girlie. it is more nerve wracking with them because my wife won't let me treat them like boys. they are dainty little girls, which I say is bull ****. My oldest daughter wants to be an athlete, but then goes back becasue she thinks the other girls are getting more attention from my wife.


long story short, i think having the boy has kept me sane. if it was only girls, I would be REALLY unhappy.


I did not answer your question...sorry bruh.

Bruh... You didn't even try to answer the question.

Repped though.


Props to the parents on NT, though. This thread wasn't made to clown any one.

 

[Lovetohate3000]

I have two kids . I never wanted them. Was with my now ex wife for two years and she never got pregnant . as soon as I'm trying to break up with her she's pregnant with twins. She gave away her other kids before we met so I knew what she was about. She sings that she's different and wants to be a mother now. I asked her to abort she says no.


We stay together for another two years then outta the blue she's cheating on me and doesn't want kids anymore. She leaves and I'm stuck with kids I never wanted. I love my kids to death but life is difficult for me because of them. I have no one to help me out. Can't work at the moment. Girls be like oh how nice he takes care of his kids but shun me like crazy. I geTs no play...

To answer the question. They aren't the best thing that happened to me far from it but I made my bed gotta lie in it.

 

[combo gd]

I'll keep it 100. 

I have been a parent since I was 16. I am now 32. There has never been a moment in my adult life where I was not responsible for someone else. I have had to make MAJOR sacrifices in order to care for him. I could have been non-existent like my dad, but I am a GREAT full time parent. I love my son, but I would rather have had him later if I could have.

I had my daughter at a better age(I was 25). Ideally, I would have liked to have both of them back to back. 

Honestly, I can't wait until they are all grown up. I am going to have a mid life crisis and attempt to do a lot of the things I couldn't do due to my responsibilities as a parent. 

 

[solexsup]

I'll keep it 100. 

I have been a parent since I was 16. I am now 32. There has never been a moment in my adult life where I was not responsible for someone else. I have had to make MAJOR sacrifices in order to care for him. I could have been non-existent like my dad, but I am a GREAT full time parent. I love my son, but I would rather have had him later if I could have.

I had my daughter at a better age(I was 25). Ideally, I would have liked to have both of them back to back. 

Honestly, I can't wait until they are all grown up. I am going to have a mid life crisis and attempt to do a lot of the things I couldn't do due to my responsibilities as a parent. 

Thats crazy man, 16 years old. When i was 16 i was cutting class and playing COD.

Props to you

 

[nawghtyhare]

I have two kids . I never wanted them. Was with my now ex wife for two years and she never got pregnant . as soon as I'm trying to break up with her she's pregnant with twins. She gave away her other kids before we met so I knew what she was about. She sings that she's different and wants to be a mother now. I asked her to abort she says no.


We stay together for another two years then outta the blue she's cheating on me and doesn't want kids anymore. She leaves and I'm stuck with kids I never wanted. I love my kids to death but life is difficult for me because of them. I have no one to help me out. Can't work at the moment. Girls be like oh how nice he takes care of his kids but shun me like crazy. I geTs no play...

To answer the question. They aren't the best thing that happened to me far from it but I made my bed gotta lie in it.

Damn man where u from
wish i could help u out man u seem stressed

 

[Chiron]

I don't want kids, so I'm gonna be the devil's advocate here. Forgive me.

The sense I'm getting is that:
1) Young people who get stuck with unplanned kids are the ones who are/were reckless and irresponsible. Hence why they ended up in their situation to begin with.
2) The kid forces them to be accountable and responsible, soooo BOOM BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO THEM.

• well duh if you're running around acting foolish, doing crimes, drugs, putting in work....
• A good high paying job offer could do the same thing or maybe just some common sense, rationale, and proper upbringing

3) These people can't be disappointed or worried about the opportunity costs involved with raising children because they didn't have anything to miss yet anyway. You can't say "oh if I didn't have the kid, I could've, should've, would've" because that path in life is just completely erased. Kids require full attention so you don't even get stuck thinking about it.


...I want to go on and address the psychological aspects of this but since I don't know people's backgrounds there's no point, I'll just start offending parents. All I'm saying is you always hear, it's the best.. you have to give up a lot, but you'll WANT to be tired, and stressed, and kinda broke, and worried about your kid, and deal with the baby mom/dad you don't like because..... LOVE! You rarely hear I'm disappointed my kid stopped me from accomplishing this or that. But usually because they weren't responsibly working toward HUGE goals. Granted, some people who didn't have goals will make them for the sake of the kid and find new drive to accomplish them. 

My final comment on this will be that: 
"Falling in love affects intellectual areas of the brain and triggers the same sensation of euphoria experienced by people when they take cocaine"

Everyone loves their own kids, but I would take what they say with a grain of salt. THEY'RE HIGH!

 

[maldonado]

I don't want kids, so I'm gonna be the devil's advocate here. Forgive me.


The sense I'm getting is that:

1) Young people who get stuck with unplanned kids are the ones who are/were reckless and irresponsible. Hence why they ended up in their situation to begin with.

2) The kid forces them to be accountable and responsible, soooo BOOM BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO THEM.

• well duh if you're running around acting foolish, doing crimes, drugs, putting in work....
• A good high paying job offer could do the same thing or maybe just some common sense, rationale, and proper upbringing

3) These people can't be disappointed or worried about the opportunity costs involved with raising children because they didn't have anything to miss yet anyway. You can't say "oh if I didn't have the kid, I could've, should've, would've" because that path in life is just completely erased. Kids require full attention so you don't even get stuck thinking about it.



...I want to go on and address the psychological aspects of this but since I don't know people's backgrounds there's no point, I'll just start offending parents. All I'm saying is you always hear, it's the best.. you have to give up a lot, but you'll WANT to be tired, and stressed, and kinda broke, and worried about your kid, and deal with the baby mom/dad you don't like because..... LOVE! You rarely hear I'm disappointed my kid stopped me from accomplishing this or that. But usually because they weren't responsibly working toward HUGE goals. Granted, some people who didn't have goals will make them for the sake of the kid and find new drive to accomplish them.


My final comment on this will be that:

"Falling in love affects intellectual areas of the brain and triggers the same sensation of euphoria experienced by people when they take cocaine"


Everyone loves their own kids, but I would take what they say with a grain of salt. THEY'RE HIGH!

riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

you have it all figured out, don't you?

 

[htg designs]

OP, having a child is opening the door to a whole new, great relationship. Depending on where you are in life, that may not be what you are looking to get into, and thats ok. But when you have a child, another form of YOU, there are emotions that uncontrollably surface and take you to heights never before experienced. Thats why you have some ppl who have a kid at an unwanted time, and still have tons of joy in parenting. Its not something deliberate or conclusive: "I have kids, so I must love them", its something that innate, something lies within and is unlocked once you realize you have an offspring that relies on you for survival. Its a beautiful thing, regardless of whatever bad situation it may occur in.

 

[acemaster193]

I have two kids . I never wanted them. Was with my now ex wife for two years and she never got pregnant . as soon as I'm trying to break up with her she's pregnant with twins. She gave away her other kids before we met so I knew what she was about. She sings that she's different and wants to be a mother now. I asked her to abort she says no.


We stay together for another two years then outta the blue she's cheating on me and doesn't want kids anymore. She leaves and I'm stuck with kids I never wanted. I love my kids to death but life is difficult for me because of them. I have no one to help me out. Can't work at the moment. Girls be like oh how nice he takes care of his kids but shun me like crazy. I geTs no play...

To answer the question. They aren't the best thing that happened to me far from it but I made my bed gotta lie in it.

Damn bruh. :x

 

[dontsteponmyshoes]

I dont know the situation so I shouldnt even speak on it. But since thats the point of a message board Ill throw in my 2 cents... it sounds as if you hold a grudge against the kids because of the hate you have towards their mother. Maybe not intentionally.... and obviously because they are your blood you love them and will do what it takes to provide for them which I admire but if you keep with that attitude when the kids are older they will feel that resentment. Kids are way more intelligent than people give them credit for.

 

[inshoekid]

Kids are wonderful if you are ready to do the right things for them. I don't have a biological child at this point but I have a step son and he means the world to me. His dad is 100% in his life as his mother and I are. He calls me daddy B, since my name is Brandon it worked out well for a name that he understood. His dad isn't financial stable so I put a decent chunk aside each month for his college. The wife and I are trying for another but it all happens when it's suppose too. Before I got with her I was the definition of a wasteful successful adult with no plans to settle down. 1k at the club on a Saturday night was just a normal weekend. A couple sports cars and a motorcycle, no plan for a family. My wife walked into my life and things changed. Sold my 6 month old camaro, my Harley and my jeep. Bought a truck with room for a car seat and sold my bachelor pad for a family home. Best decision I ever made. I was 29 at the time so in the back of my mind I knew I wanted to settle down, just hadn't found the right woman to do it with. Now that my life is heading the direction that it is I can not think of living my old life. Where I would be hitting Miami for vacation now Disney world is our vacation. It so much more satisfying seeing him smile when he sees Mickey instead of me getting wild and taking some random **** home from the bar. Being financial stable definitely makes things easier, but even if I wasn't, I wouldn't trade my family for all the success in the world. I look at my boy as my future, we give him every thing we can and hope he turns out to be the great man I invision him to be. Hopefully it doesn't take him as long as it took me to appreciate the open doors and financial stability that my family provided me.

 

[11wordisbond]

Okay I'll admit it. I had an abortion with an ex when I was around 16 and I am very glad that we did it because I wasn't ready at the time and the girl was a ***. She ended up having another abortion a couple years after that (with another dude), and then got pregnant by a next man shortly after. Me and my wife have been married for just over 2 years, but dated for about 12 years. We just had our first child (7 weeks today), and my daughter has made me the happiest I've been in my entire life.

 

[al audi]

Biggest status symbol for a man is a family.....not material. Dead srs. I know on NT we love our cars n cribs but end of the day........Passin on your DNA/gene pool is what it is. A survey was actually done on this. Wish I could find the article.

 

[al audi]

I have two kids . I never wanted them. Was with my now ex wife for two years and she never got pregnant . as soon as I'm trying to break up with her she's pregnant with twins. She gave away her other kids before we met so I knew what she was about. She sings that she's different and wants to be a mother now. I asked her to abort she says no.


We stay together for another two years then outta the blue she's cheating on me and doesn't want kids anymore. She leaves and I'm stuck with kids I never wanted. I love my kids to death but life is difficult for me because of them. I have no one to help me out. Can't work at the moment. Girls be like oh how nice he takes care of his kids but shun me like crazy. I geTs no play...

To answer the question. They aren't the best thing that happened to me far from it but I made my bed gotta lie in it.

Worse thing I ever read on NT. Gotdamn I feel bad for you.

 

[Lovetohate3000]

Damn man where u from
wish i could help u out man u seem stressed

la....yeah man my life hella sucks rite now.

 

[dontsteponmyshoes]

Biggest status symbol for a man is a family.....not material. Dead srs. I know on NT we love our cars n cribs but end of the day........Passin on your DNA/gene pool is what it is. A survey was actually done on this. Wish I could find the article.

if you do please post sounds intresting

 

[superblytrife]

 

Damn man where u from
wish i could help u out man u seem stressed

la....yeah man my life hella sucks rite now.

Bruh, you have 2 kids who probably love you more than anyone on this earth ever will.  Look those kids in the eyes as they tell you "I love you" and ask yourself if life really sucks.  

Now is the time to let go of the past.  You may have never wanted them, but they're yours now.  Deal with it and stop placing the blame for the hardships in your life on them.  You were a willing participant in their creation and now you're gonna talk about not getting yambs because of them?  C'mon son.