Anyone Got Jokes. Part 2

[brendasdeadbaby]

That was about as funny as a dead baby's toys

 

[DB Cooper]

A guy is riding on an airplane, and he decides he really needs a smoke. He pulls out a Cuban cigar, leans back, and lights up.


Unfortunately, he's sitting next to a woman with a dog on her lap, and as soon as he lights the cigar, the dog starts coughing. The lady glares at him and says, "Excuse me, sir, but could you put out your cigar? My dog is sensitive to smoke."


He glares right back. "No, I won't! You shouldn't have a dog on this flight anyways."


"And you shouldn't have a cigar. This is a non-smoking flight!" she says.


Well, they argue back and forth for a while... get rid of the dog, put out the cigar, and so on.


Finally, the man says, "Look, I'll make a deal with you. I'll toss my cigar out the window, if you'll toss your dog." He smiles, knowing she'll never agree. But much to his surprise, she says yes!


The lady pulls the airplane window open, picks up her dog, and throws the dog out!


The man, since he has another cigar anyways, throws the cigar out the window as well. He smiles, thinking that he's won.


But the woman has outsmarted him--she's still holding her dog's leash! She smiles at the man, and pulls the dog back in through the window, thinking that she's won.


But guess what the dog had in its mouth!


A brick.

 

[2pacalypsenow]

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing", he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

 

[jordan novice]

Just thought of this (Or maybe this is an old joke that came to mind?)

What did Simba say to his dad when he was moving too slow? "C'mon, Mufasa!"

 

[moe fab]

 

 

That was about as funny as a dead baby's toys

I seent it

 

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing", he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

 

[polo sport nyc]

That was about as funny as a dead baby's toys

Bwahahaaaa...!!!

Repped!

 

[Coromanti]

Just thought of this (Or maybe this is an old joke that came to mind?)

What did Simba say to his dad when he was moving too slow? "C'mon, Mufasa!"

badum ts...

 

[360waves]

So this skeleton walks into a Bar and orders a jack n coke and a mop

 

[SC kid]

Ninjahood walks into a bar.......

He sits down ..and a bumblebee, clearly drunk buzzes down right next to him....ninjahood says

"Wassup b?"

The bee looks at him for a second...slightly agitated..then goes back to his drink.

Then ninjahood says

"Whats wrong wichu b?"

The bee looks at ninjahood for a second..shakes his head...then orders another drink.

Then ninjahood says

"You know....all that drinking is bad for you b"

The bee stops drinking and puts his glass down ..he looks up and says

"Ninja.....my pops lived to be 50 years old..that's alot for a bumblebee"

Ninjahood replies

"Wooow b...did he drink alot too?"

The bee takes another sip....looks up and says...

"NOPE......
He minded his F_______ business

 

[Humbled]

Ninjahood walks into a bar.......

He sits down ..and a bumblebee, clearly drunk buzzes down right next to him....ninjahood says

"Wassup b?"

The bee looks at him for a second...slightly agitated..then goes back to his drink.

Then ninjahood says

"Whats wrong wichu b?"

The bee looks at ninjahood for a second..shakes his head...then orders another drink.

Then ninjahood says

"You know....all that drinking is bad for you b"

The bee stops drinking and puts his glass down ..he looks up and says

"Ninja.....my pops lived to be 50 years old..that's alot for a bumblebee"

Ninjahood replies

"Wooow b...did he drink alot too?"

The bee takes another sip....looks up and says...

"NOPE......
He minded his F_______ business

Leave this thread, dont return.

 

[SC kid]

Lol

Im out

 

[flyny]

One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to ****, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the **** is your problem?'"

 

[doublemesh96]

One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to ****, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the **** is your problem?'"

Once you figure this joke out you figure out the streets +1

 

[moe fab]

 

One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to ****, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the **** is your problem?'"

Once you figure this joke out you figure out the streets

+1

 

[picasso swerve]

Once you figure this joke out you figure out the streets

+1

So right, what does this mean?

 

[moe fab]

 

Once you figure this joke out you figure out the streets

+1

So right, what does this mean?

Control your smiles n cries buddy.

 

[green rhino123]

why did the pole ship his olympic gold medal away?

Spoiler

to have it bronzed

 

[doublemesh96]

What do u call magic Johnson in a wheelchair















Rolaids.

 

[Fong$tarr]

What do u call magic Johnson in a wheelchair















Rolaids.

I laughed.

 

[jo3y k]

young lady is checking out at the 15 items or less line at the grocery store. cashier looks at her and smiles, then proceeds to ring up her items: 1 loaf of bread, 1 dozen eggs, a carton of milk, 2 apples, a bundle of grapes, and a gossip magazine. he looks up at her again, smiles, and says, "you're single, aren't you?" she blushes, unsuccessfully tries to hold back a smile, and shyly says, "yes...how did you know? was it because of the items i'm buying?" to which he replies, "no, it's because you're ugly."

 

[Humbled]

Y'all are corny as hell

 

[SC kid]

Y'all are corny as hell

Kanye west walks into footlocker.............

He says
"Yoooooo....I need some new sneakers ..but anything but nike cuz I cant mess wit them no more"

Dude workin replies
"Oh yea dats right.....weeeeelll....what about some adidas?"

Kanye says
"Naaaw...I got a lifetime supply"

Dude workin says
"Oooohhhh thats right lol my fault ye....how about some under armours? People sleepin on these"

Kanye says
"Hell no"

Dude workin says
"Lol aite....aite....what about some reeboks? We got alot of retros"

Kanye says
"Hmmmmmm....what you got?

Dude says
"Well....we got these shaqs...shawn kemps...these new iverson questions..."

Kanye says
"Oh snap you got the iversons that came out after that!!??? The black and gold ones!???!

Ol boy says
"Naaaaaaaaaw"

Kanye says
"YOU AINT GOT THE ANSWERS!!!!!!!"

 

[picasso swerve]

Pass whatever you're smoking man. Seems to work. 

 

[SC kid]

Lol

 

[Humbled]

Y'all are corny as hell

Kanye west walks into footlocker.............

He says
"Yoooooo....I need some new sneakers ..but anything but nike cuz I cant mess wit them no more"

Dude workin replies
"Oh yea dats right.....weeeeelll....what about some adidas?"

Kanye says
"Naaaw...I got a lifetime supply"

Dude workin says
"Oooohhhh thats right lol my fault ye....how about some under armours? People sleepin on these"

Kanye says
"Hell no"

Dude workin says
"Lol aite....aite....what about some reeboks? We got alot of retros"

Kanye says
"Hmmmmmm....what you got?

Dude says
"Well....we got these shaqs...shawn kemps...these new iverson questions..."

Kanye says
"Oh snap you got the iversons that came out after that!!??? The black and gold ones!???!

Ol boy says
"Naaaaaaaaaw"

Kanye says
"YOU AINT GOT THE ANSWERS!!!!!!!"

Can't lie I chuckled