TAR - Thread About Relationships vol. Calling TAY Graduates

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Joined Aug 8, 2012
Thread about Relationships aye...NT Growing up.

Bought a ring....gonna pop the question to my girl in a month i think. Talked to her dad about it two weeks ago. I love him and he loves me so we got beers and kicked it. Was a really good time. Been with my girl for 4 and a half years now. Lots of ups and downs but always held each other down (by ups and downs i mean arguments...not infidelity or anything). Still not sure how to go about asking...whether it should be public...include family....be alone...go to a restaurant....make it completely random.
Congrats man

When i pop the question, we gonna be alone. Doing it in front of nobody. Just me and her.
 
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It never really crossed my mind to have the conversation with her dad.

I have this picture in my mind that would carry the ring with me and pull it out one day while we are out for dinner or drinks when I felt the time was right.

Ask her if she wanted to spend life with me.


But what do I know
 
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I'm definitely going to do mine in private. Only thing is, it'll be a be butt *** cold when I do :lol: going to try and think of a dope, non-OD way to do it
 
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Joined Aug 8, 2012
Fellas, at times when me and my girl are having conversations, it’ll lead to a mother-child conversation. The choice of words, tone and what I should do is really frustrating. I’m her eyes what she’s doing is right and whatever I’m doing is wrong. I’ve never seen her take ownership in anything! I don’t wanna grow to resent her.
 
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Joined Jun 9, 2014
Fellas, at times when me and my girl are having conversations, it’ll lead to a mother-child conversation. The choice of words, tone and what I should do is really frustrating. I’m her eyes what she’s doing is right and whatever I’m doing is wrong. I’ve never seen her take ownership in anything! I don’t wanna grow to resent her.
You gotta accept that calling her out is one of the main ways to get her to realize her mistakes and short comings.
Had a lil argument with my wife about her interrupting me when I'm telling her something. She felt like what she was doing up till this point was good and took it pretty hard that she needed to make some changes. But a closed mouth don't get fed and if you don't tell her she's wrong periodically she's gonna keep thinking she's doing everything right.

Sometimes I don't want that arguing smoke and I'll swallow my feelings but I'm starting to realize I'm going to suffer in silence until I speak up
 
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Fellas, at times when me and my girl are having conversations, it’ll lead to a mother-child conversation. The choice of words, tone and what I should do is really frustrating. I’m her eyes what she’s doing is right and whatever I’m doing is wrong. I’ve never seen her take ownership in anything! I don’t wanna grow to resent her.
I'd start off by saying that when trying to correct dynamics like this, it's super important to approach any correction with a very level and non-aggressive tone. I feel like, in this situation, there are probably specific word choices or things she does that upset you and make it feel like that mother-child conversation. You should actually start a conversation with her while you're not already in one of those conversations, and address those specific actions she does and how you feel it leads to this mother-child conversation dynamic, which is very nonconstructive. Doesn't mean you guys can't have debates or challenging conversations, but it's important to establish a respectful foundation for how you speak to one another in those situations so that those conversations can end on a positive, constructive note.

There are definitely habits my girlfriend had during the first 1.5 years of our relationship that would drive me up the wall during challenging conversations. Sat down with her during a time when we were both in a good mood and couldn't attribute my bringing up these issues to me being bitter, irritated, etc - it was very clear that I wanted to address these things only because I felt it would make us a better couple, not because of any sort of negative motivation. We chatted and it turned out I did a few things she didn't like either. We both acknowledged our areas of improvement, and over the next few conversations / debates we both put in the effort to think more about how what we said affected the other based on our previous conversation. Things got a LOT better and I think it made us closer - we got to know each other better at a more fundamental level.
 
17,323
5,721
Joined Aug 9, 2012
Fellas, at times when me and my girl are having conversations, it’ll lead to a mother-child conversation. The choice of words, tone and what I should do is really frustrating. I’m her eyes what she’s doing is right and whatever I’m doing is wrong. I’ve never seen her take ownership in anything! I don’t wanna grow to resent her.
Yeah, I have this problem with my girl doing so and she has improved over the year with her choice of words. I asked her how does she think that tone of conversation is helpful? She has improved but still annoying overall.
 
15,040
5,988
Joined Aug 8, 2012
Yeah, I have this problem with my girl doing so and she has improved over the year with her choice of words. I asked her how does she think that tone of conversation is helpful? She has improved but still annoying overall.
Yea me and my girl talked and we cool now. She didn’t know how she came off with her tone and choice of words. Still work in progress tho.
 
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