What Are Your Thoughts On "Taking Breaks" While In A Relationship

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

But wouldn't you have to think that, if you are ready to go into a relationship with someone you see yourself with for a very long time? why just get into a relationship if you dont see yourself with her/him as the one for you in your futurer? you would just be wasting both of yall times imo. I know relationships can be trial and error sometimes, but i feel like if yall been talking and have been feeling each other out for sometime, and finally decide to get into a relationship, then it should be serious from that moment on.

This all goes back to choosing and being selective about who you enter into a serious relationship with....people get dating/seeing someone/relationships all miscontrued. You are not in a relationship with every woman you date or are seeing.

And a long relationship can be a couple years and people grow and change. Thinking you have to stay together to reach the end goal of marriage is silly...Enjou the great two years and keep it moving if need be, I don't consider that an abysmal failure.

 

[da r entertainment]

Let's be honest here, there's no such thing as a "break". You either break-up or stay together.

I get the feeling that you have a good girl, but you're not ready to settle down, so you want to get out there and do your thing (I'm not specifically meaning to you wanting to see other girls) - you can't have your cake and eat it too.

As stated, timing is everything. If you're not ready to stay committed (for whatever reason), be honest with yourself and her. Don't worry about losing her or worry about her going off and sleeping with random dudes (you'll only be kill yourself for thinking about that) but focus on a logical reasoning as to why you want to end the relationship (yes, this means pretending you need a break).

Pretty much sums up the thread. No relationship is perfect. Either you take the good with the bad or just move on.

 

[truthgetsbusy]

Jesus and handullz make good points. I don't agree on breaks tho. If it ain't right just move on. A break is a pretty selfish request but like some said it maybe necessary.

 

[illphillip]

Funny. I see people saying there is "no such thing as a break". That's nonsense.

A lot of you are out here believing in these antiquated ideas of what a relationship should or should not be, without realizing that everything is changing before your very eyes.

I understand where OP is coming from. Met an incredible woman in college. I knew I wasn't trying to "date" in college.

We dated for a bit after college. Shortly thereafter, I was asked by my company to move to Miami to work for them. Higher position and salary.

So I'm living in Miami at age 26. The idea of a long distance, committed relationship under those circumstances, new position (in the music business no less), new city etc. to me was not the move.

I wanted to revel in my youth at this point of my life. Everything was just so good. Basically paid to party, go to clubs, concerts etc.

Took a "break". There should be a certain level of appreciation for a man who is at least honest enough with himself and his woman to let her know this.

Now, you obviously run the risk of losing her if you take this "break". But if you do it right and you aren't a complete scumbag, you can work it out.

Stayed in touch. I was in Miami for 3 years. And I really didn't go THAT crazy. Moved back to NY. She and I reconnected and have been together every since.

Married 3 years now.

This is real life. A real situation. I get the feeling a lot of people on here comment on things they have no genuine experience with.

This is my experience and everything worked out wonderfully. I can't speak for everyone though.

 

[pepper]

Sounds like there are a lot of people upset in here that women can move on just as easily as a man can.

 

[scuse7]

If you want to see what else is out there, then taking a break is the best way to go about it. It obviously just seems like you want to go out and get with other women, but also it could just be to meet more girls. It doesn't have to be you going out and banging every chick.

But if your taking a break, in the long term I just don't see how it will work. You will get bored again or just end things.

It might come off as scummy and the girls never take it well, but what else you gonna do? Stay with em and be unhappy? Stay with her and cheat, then things end terribly.

 

[jhawk826]

 

And what's wrong in believing in antiquated and traditional ideas in a world where these ideas are tossed to the wayside each passing day? There's nothing wrong with being old fashioned. Like you said, those are your experiences and you can't speak for everyone. I simply don't believe in open relationships or breaks. Relationships aren't destined to last forever and that's fine with me.

 

[dominikid]

"break" is female language for "i don't know what i want so ima let someone else smash brb"

This. Breaks are a waste of time. Rarely in these situations do both people really want a "break". It'd be smart to just cut ties and move on. If you guys reconnect at some point in time then cool. If not, there's plenty of other P out there.

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

Funny. I see people saying there is "no such thing as a break". That's nonsense.
A lot of you are out here believing in these antiquated ideas of what a relationship should or should not be, without realizing that everything is changing before your very eyes.
I understand where OP is coming from. Met an incredible woman in college. I knew I wasn't trying to "date" in college.
We dated for a bit after college. Shortly thereafter, I was asked by my company to move to Miami to work for them. Higher position and salary.
So I'm living in Miami at age 26. The idea of a long distance, committed relationship under those circumstances, new position (in the music business no less), new city etc. to me was not the move.
I wanted to revel in my youth at this point of my life. Everything was just so good. Basically paid to party, go to clubs, concerts etc.
Took a "break". There should be a certain level of appreciation for a man who is at least honest enough with himself and his woman to let her know this.
Now, you obviously run the risk of losing her if you take this "break". But if you do it right and you aren't a complete scumbag, you can work it out.
Stayed in touch. I was in Miami for 3 years. And I really didn't go THAT crazy. Moved back to NY. She and I reconnected and have been together every since.
Married 3 years now.
This is real life. A real situation. I get the feeling a lot of people on here comment on things they have no genuine experience with.
This is my experience and everything worked out wonderfully. I can't speak for everyone though.

Exactly. A lot of people in here or the younger cats tend to post or provide advice on how they feel/think things should be....with no real experience on how those matters work. Not a knock on them though as at a young age that is normal. As you grow older you see how things actually are and your views start to change/shape with your experiences.

 

[futuremd]

This thread is depressing. 

 

[guccjermaine]

Breaks are going to happen, I give a relationship a two break limit. If it's meant to be it will be. She'll be back [word] to scarface.

 

[va757va]

Funny. I see people saying there is "no such thing as a break". That's nonsense.
A lot of you are out here believing in these antiquated ideas of what a relationship should or should not be, without realizing that everything is changing before your very eyes.
I understand where OP is coming from. Met an incredible woman in college. I knew I wasn't trying to "date" in college.
We dated for a bit after college. Shortly thereafter, I was asked by my company to move to Miami to work for them. Higher position and salary.
So I'm living in Miami at age 26. The idea of a long distance, committed relationship under those circumstances, new position (in the music business no less), new city etc. to me was not the move.
I wanted to revel in my youth at this point of my life. Everything was just so good. Basically paid to party, go to clubs, concerts etc.
Took a "break". There should be a certain level of appreciation for a man who is at least honest enough with himself and his woman to let her know this.
Now, you obviously run the risk of losing her if you take this "break". But if you do it right and you aren't a complete scumbag, you can work it out.
Stayed in touch. I was in Miami for 3 years. And I really didn't go THAT crazy. Moved back to NY. She and I reconnected and have been together every since.
Married 3 years now.
This is real life. A real situation. I get the feeling a lot of people on here comment on things they have no genuine experience with.
This is my experience and everything worked out wonderfully. I can't speak for everyone though.

"all these dudes talking like they real, really fakers/ talk about the game but never played, commentators"-Jeezy

repped for dat real life talk...

 

[da r entertainment]

Everyone has an opinion on different situation, but to say one person opinion is nonsense is crazy. I'm 32 and have done the break thing in my younger days, but if I was still single now I wouldn't tell a chick let's take a break I would tell her I'm not feeling the relationship and ready to move on. That's just me tho.

 

[weekz]

I've never been in this situation but by the sounds of it,it seems as though everyone becomes a cheater during these "breaks". Isn't it possible to legitimately just want alone time for yourself?

 

[capital d]

Breaks are an excuse to cheat.

This.

 

[dirtylicious]

if there's one thing to learn.. is that every relationship is different.

breaks may not work for one couple.. but I'm sure there are some out there that they did work

what's key is that each party communicates the expectations and understandings of any arrangement made within a relationship.. and that includes taking a break. b/c you're still in that relationship, even if you're taking a break from it.

ps. don't be surprised by negative reaction though if you bring it up

 

[airthompson]

What type of situation are you in OP to want a break? Is it just because you wanna have sex with other girls, or because its something deeper?

If its because you wanna smash other girls, then just call it quits and dont play yourself. Going on a break is just going to allow her to be on her own, and do what she wants, and then that'll mess you up in the head, making it unable for you to have a good time yourself.

Just my thoughts.

 

[ksteezy]

Breaks can either make or destroy relationships, if it comes a time when you feel choked up, find yourself wanting to be alone or with other women, be honest....she'll be hurt and probably hurt you, but at the end of the day you didn't sacrifice her trust, that's what is most important for a healthy relationship...I took about 3 breaks in a 10 year span before getting married...we both dated, we both had sex with other people...we both laid everything down on the table before attempting to make it work again...each time for some reason our bond grew stronger...then again a break can mean forever, you or her might end up meeting someone better, getting knocked up by accident, these are all probabilities that can happen during a break and end it for good...in that case it may seem negative at first but in the long run youll realize it was meant to e that way...happened to a couple of my boys.

I'm all for breaks, breaks from a relationship >>>>>> cheating, getting caught and compromising trust...thats hard to come back from.

 

[ksteezy]

I've never been in this situation but by the sounds of it,it seems as though everyone becomes a cheater during these "breaks". Isn't it possible to legitimately just want alone time for yourself?

You can't cheat if you are on a break...to my understanding a break is a breakup...we go our own ways, live the single life, it hurts at first but is nessesary, specially in your 20's...I think as you get older you become much more acceptant of the thougt of spending the rest of your life with one person....that thought is hard to grasp going through a long term relationship all through your 20's....at least that's what happened to me.

 

[ksteezy]

Funny. I see people saying there is "no such thing as a break". That's nonsense.
A lot of you are out here believing in these antiquated ideas of what a relationship should or should not be, without realizing that everything is changing before your very eyes.
I understand where OP is coming from. Met an incredible woman in college. I knew I wasn't trying to "date" in college.
We dated for a bit after college. Shortly thereafter, I was asked by my company to move to Miami to work for them. Higher position and salary.
So I'm living in Miami at age 26. The idea of a long distance, committed relationship under those circumstances, new position (in the music business no less), new city etc. to me was not the move.
I wanted to revel in my youth at this point of my life. Everything was just so good. Basically paid to party, go to clubs, concerts etc.
Took a "break". There should be a certain level of appreciation for a man who is at least honest enough with himself and his woman to let her know this.
Now, you obviously run the risk of losing her if you take this "break". But if you do it right and you aren't a complete scumbag, you can work it out.
Stayed in touch. I was in Miami for 3 years. And I really didn't go THAT crazy. Moved back to NY. She and I reconnected and have been together every since.
Married 3 years now.
This is real life. A real situation. I get the feeling a lot of people on here comment on things they have no genuine experience with.
This is my experience and everything worked out wonderfully. I can't speak for everyone though.

::cues in Denzel Gif::


REPPED.

 

[sheeklouch]

"I want a girl, when I want a girl
And when I don't want a girl, I want a girl who understands that"
 

love the little brother quote.  well put.

 

[jking0821]

Funny. I see people saying there is "no such thing as a break". That's nonsense.

A lot of you are out here believing in these antiquated ideas of what a relationship should or should not be, without realizing that everything is changing before your very eyes.

I understand where OP is coming from. Met an incredible woman in college. I knew I wasn't trying to "date" in college.

We dated for a bit after college. Shortly thereafter, I was asked by my company to move to Miami to work for them. Higher position and salary.

So I'm living in Miami at age 26. The idea of a long distance, committed relationship under those circumstances, new position (in the music business no less), new city etc. to me was not the move.

I wanted to revel in my youth at this point of my life. Everything was just so good. Basically paid to party, go to clubs, concerts etc.

Took a "break". There should be a certain level of appreciation for a man who is at least honest enough with himself and his woman to let her know this.

Now, you obviously run the risk of losing her if you take this "break". But if you do it right and you aren't a complete scumbag, you can work it out.

Stayed in touch. I was in Miami for 3 years. And I really didn't go THAT crazy. Moved back to NY. She and I reconnected and have been together every since.

Married 3 years now.

This is real life. A real situation. I get the feeling a lot of people on here comment on things they have no genuine experience with.

This is my experience and everything worked out wonderfully. I can't speak for everyone though.

"all these dudes talking like they real, really fakers/ talk about the game but never played, commentators"-Jeezy


repped for dat real life talk...

This is a really good story and all but i think this is def the exception.

Its extremely difficult for people to be that mature about the situation and to not find some one in the mean time. Of every "break" ive heard a couple take i honestly have not heard of one working out. Yours is the first case i have ever heard of a successful break.

 

[ksteezy]

Jking - mines also worked, not onnce, not twice, three times total, the last being a broken off engagement....as long as you never violate trust and keep it 100% is always a chance of rekindling

 

[illphillip]

This is a really good story and all but i think this is def the exception.
Its extremely difficult for people to be that mature about the situation and to not find some one in the mean time. Of every "break" ive heard a couple take i honestly have not heard of one working out. Yours is the first case i have ever heard of a successful break.

Maybe I was very mature for my age. I was also VERY well raised by an intelligent mother.

My mother was married and had me by the time she was 21. Was divorced by the time I was 3.

Since I was a kid, she told me not to RUSH into things. To take my time and enjoy life. Because ultimately, she felt like her youth was cut short by getting married and having me at a young age. And what you DON'T want to do is regret that and search for that youth later down the line.

When I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was everything I wasn't. Probably the most beautiful PERSON I have ever known. Genuinely nice. Not a malicious bone in her body. Stable 2 parent home. Parents have been married for like 40 years.

She's like a ******g Cosby kid.

But I met her in college. I was trying to LIVE in college. I was trying to enjoy my young adulthood as a working man in the music business.

I knew my odds of meeting a woman as great as her were unlikely. I wasn't going to wife the girl I did body shots off of in Cancun.

But I also knew I needed to live my own life for a bit before I could share my life with her.

I knew this in college and everything worked out perfectly. If you're honest and smart about yours, **** works out.

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

Jking - mines also worked, not onnce, not twice, three times total, the last being a broken off engagement....as long as you never violate trust and keep it 100% is always a chance of rekindling

This man sounded like the Lebron-Decision of breaks.....We're talking 5, 6, 7......