Am I along thinking/feeling this? Vol family

Discussion in 'General' started by T Lo Sweater, Jan 13, 2018.

  1. T Lo Sweater

    T Lo Sweater formerly troyd

    Dec 14, 2011
    Am I alone in thinking this? Vol family

    Kinda a long read

    I grew up with my moms. Dad wasn’t around much if at all. Only people I’m really cool with on his side of the fam is my grandma and grandad. I visit them often

    My dad was always in the streets and because of that he missed out on a lot. He tries to reach out but I’m over it. Been over it for years. Don’t see the point in us ever talking again

    He has 2 kids besides me. My brother is a younger version of him (he’s 20 now but I️ met him for the first time in 2006). In trouble and whatnot. Back when I worked at the gym he would hit me up saying that he wants to get brolic and we should lift together. It’ll be our way of bonding so I’m like cool. We went 2 times then he stops and starts flaking and ignoring me. Cool.

    Then recently he’s talking smack cause he visits our granddad (he has health issues, but I go more than anyone. Always have). This dude is rubbing it in my face and saying how they want to LET me in the That rubbed me the wrong way

    My sister (22 I️ think) would always hit me up for money. Like that’s all u think of me? A bank? She had a baby last year and her son turned 1 a week ago. We never had a relationship like that, but she didn’t inv me to the baby shower. I still haven’t seen this kid and it’s been a year. Granted I really don’t care. But I hear she’s mad at me cause I haven’t reached out to see my nephew

    But it’s like, look at how you talk to me. Only when you want something. And I don’t play that. We didn’t ever really talk like that but why would I️ when you always want money from me?

    I feel that just cause we family don’t mean I have to **** **** with you. I don’t care who you are. We share blood, but that doesn’t mean I have to talk to you

    But like my aunt (dads sister) would always be like oh I spoke to your dad. He said call him. But she knows the situation...why would you even want me to call him? I don’t wanna

    We work together as well, and she’s like your sister is mad at you cause you don’t come around and stuff. My grandmother is like you need to talk to your sister and see your nephew. But why?

    Just we family I have to speak to these people? I’m 26 and wouldn’t care if I never spoke to them and my sisters kid for the rest of my life

    What do you guys think? Am I alone thinking that I don’t have to speak to these people, regardless if we’re related?
  2. W)taps

    W)taps formerly worldgonemad

    Jan 21, 2014
    im sure you're not. there's been threads like this before I believe.

    that whole blood is thicker than water is so misleading.
  3. dcallamerican


    Oct 14, 2001
    You don't have to do anything you don't want to.
  4. isco


    Feb 9, 2014
    Ur sister is bold asking u for money ..that is embarrassing
    vood99 likes this.
  5. AZwildcats


    Nov 1, 2009
    I'm the same age as you bro, and I feel the exact opposite. Maybe I've been luckier then others in terms of the hand that was dealt to me, but I could never shun my family like that
  6. dirty


    Jan 3, 2016
    I have a similar situation going on except for the brother sister having baby issues. But I do me and keep it moving if pops or moms really wanted to see me or talk to me my phone works. Check up on my grandmas at least 1 a month visit if i have time or just a phone call. I feel nothing for them as i feel theyre strangers.They did very little for me when i was growing up my grandma and My close friends i consider family because they were there.
  7. T Lo Sweater

    T Lo Sweater formerly troyd

    Dec 14, 2011
    Yeah man I can’t believe it. After I moved in with my girl she asked for bread and i said I’m broke. She tells me I suck

    Exactly the way i feel bro
  8. doublemesh96


    Dec 3, 2013
    Principles >

    Without principles the familial relationship between mother and son, father and daughter, brother and sister, etc holds no value. Most people put family before all else when in reality principles are what’s most important above all else.
    1stwitit likes this.
  9. Mark Antony

    Mark Antony

    May 1, 2010
    You don't have to put up with any toxic situation, family ties or not.
  10. america bambaataa

    america bambaataa

    Dec 12, 2003
    i dont think men get invited to baby showers. i could be wrong.

    i would give it one more shot since your grandma is asking you to. sounds like you want to give up too soon. you will be looked at as part of the problem. its also good to let them know how you feel. sometimes you gotta tell people what you want out of the relationship. if they dont wanna cooperate then its a wrap and have a good life
  11. dirty


    Jan 3, 2016
    Nowadays i got so much going on i dont have time for people who didnt have time for me. Im trying to move forward and do better for myself and help my real family do better. Thats all i can do because time will fly and when i cant pull out and have kids I dont want them going through the same struggles.
  12. Chiron


    Mar 2, 2013
    Cordial. Thats all I am with my fam... Not interested in forcing anything.
  13. Comparison Ford

    Comparison Ford

    Aug 31, 2012
    All adult relationships are voluntary.

    grimeyy, 1stwitit, Bert. and 2 others like this.
  14. moderndarwin


    Apr 5, 2012
    It’s a two way street. You gotta actually want to be close to them. Sounds like you don’t. And I don’t blame you because it sounds like they (brother and sister) have toxic personalities.

    If you really did you’d put way way more effort into building a relationship with them. Even if it meant over extending yourself for a while and being out of your comfort zone. The only thing that builds familiarity is time. If you make your bro hang out mulitiple times in a week you’ll build a relationship. It’s that simple.

    Most people don’t want to do this once they are adults tho. And it’s all good. Only sad thing is that you’ll never be as close with anyone as you could be with a good family. Simply cuz family comes together by something different than liking each other.
    youngbillrussel likes this.
  15. Top Boy

    Top Boy formerly jay patt

    Feb 5, 2013
    This is it. Extremely close with my grandparents but everyone else.. Cordial.

    If I see my siblings or my pops twice within the same month it's usually one time too many.

    I WAS close to my brother, but like OP the second I started seeing real money I pretty much became a walking bank he constantly needed money and favors from, even going so far as making small transfers from my account to his in the hopes I wouldn't notice (complicated why he had access). I check all of my accounts every single day and he knows that, dumb move.

    What I'm really conflicted on is how I have a healthy relationship with my nephews & nieces when I don't want to deal with my siblings.
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2018
  16. 6pac


    May 12, 2017
    Seems like your dad's behavior when you were a child spun everything out of control and now everyone is adult and prideful.

    I say there's not a real reason here why you shouldn't give everyone involved here a second chance other than you being stubborn and feeling like you shouldn't have to make the first move. But one day they're gonna be dead or really too old and too far gone and then you'll either miss them or fall back on the human instinct to make the best out of your life at that point and accept that those bridges are burned.

    Nothing serious has happened here as to where you can't make some calls or arrange some dinners/lunches. Nobody put hands on you, took money from you (without your cooperation) or disrespected you in a major way. But I'm a person who's the opposite of you, I view most/all of my relationships with friends as acquaintance-esque relationships where we just have/had mutual interests at the time and my immediate family as the only constant but I got a dad who really cares so maybe I don't see it from your perspective.
    redd spyder likes this.
  17. Nereyda Vuelve Por Dios

    Nereyda Vuelve Por Dios formerly DONRE

    Jul 23, 2012
    I would hope you try to find a way to accept them if they are reaching out to include you based on love.

    If love ain’t involved than I feel you. Keep your distance.

    But also understand not all people are like you or raised like you. If you know better than them. Then teach them. Influence them about their behavior and try to get it right.
    wayniac211 likes this.
  18. sooperhooper


    Dec 10, 2002
    It's interesting to me when people say stuff like 'family first' or family over everybody, granted there are no perfect families but I still think those situations are typical or traditional for them to feel that strongly. There are many exceptions, especially if you never formed a relationship with the members. I'm not close to my dad's side at all. Not even really that close to him. I've tried to form a relationship for he's got issues, no one can ever be around him too long.
  19. superantigen


    Dec 4, 2007
    Was listening to this earlier today...

    6pac likes this.
  20. wayniac211


    Jul 25, 2012
    Lot of emotion there bruh. It’s valid though. Like homie said above bout teaching em. It works
  21. ekinskywalker


    Jul 7, 2017
    Don't take your nephew for granted bro.

    Those older people can fend for thermserlves

    I bond with my niece, my stepbrothers kid every chance i get even tho we weren't close.

    Because my main blood is overseas; 3 nieces & 1 nephew!!!
  22. 6 Rings G.O.A.T.

    6 Rings G.O.A.T.

    Feb 12, 2006
    Give them a second chance..
  23. doxen5703


    Jul 1, 2015
    “Your blood is your family, but your family isn’t always your blood.”

    I would just try to see the nephew, but other than that, don’t force the relationship with them. If it’s meant to be, something will bring you guys together.
    T Lo Sweater likes this.
  24. Master Zik

    Master Zik

    Nov 21, 2007
    @T Lo Sweater thats not your family b.

    From top down :lol: You never messed with ya pops like that, ya bro Cleary doesn't want to after 2 meetups and ya sis only sees you as a cash machine.

    Cut them off completely. Next time ya aunt tell you ya pops told you call him, say "Tell that deadbeat ****** I don't got a phone no mo."
    T Lo Sweater likes this.
  25. sickickz23


    Sep 8, 2005
    Loyalty or nothing