Crazy stories from your job.

[flebronhaters]

Not really too crazy, but this temp secretary was paged over the speaker in the office and she stood up and looked directly at the speaker and said "yessssss?"

hahaha DEADD !

 

[smurfysmurf821]

Some idiot took a **** in the fitting room -_- hahaha too bad GM had to clean it

 

[22stylez]

That Lorenzo post has to be the funniest. We need a weekly update of what that guy is up to. Dude is full of lulz

 

[dman14]

worked at my college's library, but the thing is, the general public is also allowed to use it.
would see a lot of crazy folks coming in and using the computers (jerking off to porn), bathrooms, etc

 

[curbsideprophet]

worked at my college's library, but the thing is, the general public is also allowed to use it.
would see a lot of crazy folks coming in and using the computers (jerking off to porn), bathrooms, etc

This.

Soph year some dude comes in to the library and sits down at the cpu next to me.

After a while I hear some humming noise and I look over at dudes screen.

Two chubby interracial dudes are 69 ing each other and homie is just smiling his *** off.

Needless to say, I dipped and left the studying to the inevitable victims that night.....

 

[Remy LeBeau]

RustyShackleford's story got me weak

 

[parada45]

Lorenzo don't got a twitter or something? lol

 

[kalikid23]

Cafeteria at my job was closed for vermin infestation :x what was supposed to be a 2 to 3 day closure turned out to be 4 months.
I guess it turned out to be worse than it actually looked.
The whole staff got let go, company had to provide food trucks that would come and park in our visitors parking lot.
The entire cafeteria had to go through a major remodeling and they found traces of rat feces and urine everywere, including inside the ice machine.
Luckily I rarely ate from there and normally only bought packaged items.
They just recently re opened it this past week but best believe im not going back....
Thats corporate America for ya!

 

[ootherocoo]

Cafeteria at my job was closed for vermin infestation

what was supposed to be a 2 to 3 day closure turned out to be 4 months.
I guess it turned out to be worse than it actually looked.
The whole staff got let go, company had to provide food trucks that would come and park in our visitors parking lot.
The entire cafeteria had to go through a major remodeling and they found traces of rat feces and urine everywere, including inside the ice machine.
Luckily I rarely ate from there and normally only bought packaged items.
They just recently re opened it this past week but best believe im not going back....
Thats corporate America for ya!

 

[manny1]

last year i worked part time at nights as a janitor for a private school from 6p.m to 1:30a.m. had this one good looking teacher just out of college. she was the special ed teacher. one night the special ed teacher shows up walking around the school close to midnight. i really didnt think nothing of it since some of the teachers would stay late. so around time to shut the place down and lock up the doors we seen her car was still there. he tells me to go ahead and bounce and that he would tell her that we leaving already. so my coworker goes to her classroom to let her know that we were leaving. he walks up to find her door closed and locked. the window on the door was blocked with construction paper. so he didnt want to walk in so he walks away but then he hears her screaming. so he starts to knock on the door but didnt hear anything. he peeps through a part of the window that wasnt covered right. he sees clothes on the floor and chairs knocked over. so he unlocked the door and walked in. he said that the room was a mess and as he tries to open the door all the way he couldnt. looks behind the door to see what was in the way of opening the door and there she was with some guy butt naked. my coworker swears that the guy had a puppet on one hand that she uses to play with the kids. He then just shuts the door and leaves. I didnt believe him when he told me until the next day it was the talk of the school and one of the front office personally told us that it did happen. it seem that my coworker called our boss and told him as he was going home. so my boss called the principle the next morning and told her so there wouldnt be any confusion on my coworkers part on what he saw.

 

[atlien seeko]

last year i worked part time at nights as a janitor for a private school from 6p.m to 1:30a.m. had this one good looking teacher just out of college. she was the special ed teacher. one night the special ed teacher shows up walking around the school close to midnight. i really didnt think nothing of it since some of the teachers would stay late. so around time to shut the place down and lock up the doors we seen her car was still there. he tells me to go ahead and bounce and that he would tell her that we leaving already. so my coworker goes to her classroom to let her know that we were leaving. he walks up to find her door closed and locked. the window on the door was blocked with construction paper. so he didnt want to walk in so he walks away but then he hears her screaming. so he starts to knock on the door but didnt hear anything. he peeps through a part of the window that wasnt covered right. he sees clothes on the floor and chairs knocked over. so he unlocked the door and walked in. he said that the room was a mess and as he tries to open the door all the way he couldnt. looks behind the door to see what was in the way of opening the door and there she was with some guy butt naked. my coworker swears that the guy had a puppet on one hand that she uses to play with the kids. He then just shuts the door and leaves. I didnt believe him when he told me until the next day it was the talk of the school and one of the front office personally told us that it did happen. it seem that my coworker called our boss and told him as he was going home. so my boss called the principle the next morning and told her so there wouldnt be any confusion on my coworkers part on what he saw.

Damn.. That's messed up that she turned the kid's classroom into a cheap motel, but I dont know if I would have gone to administration about it... He could have approached her personally first like "aye.. Chill out..." and possibly gotten something crackin, but...

Hope it was worth it.

 

[Deleted member 38182]

What 

sounds like a movie

 

[Comparison Ford]

Lorenzo don't got a twitter or something? lol

He had an extremely bare-bones Facebook page awhile back.  No photos or info filled out other than his name, his high school, and a community college.  I just tried to search for it again and couldn't find it.  His fiancee has one with a photo of them, but I really don't wanna put him on blast like that.

That Lorenzo post has to be the funniest. We need a weekly update of what that guy is up to. Dude is full of lulz

He's been in a peculiarly good mood for the past week or so.  Allegedly it stems from his fiancee doming him up, which he says is a rare treat.  I guess he took her down to the pond or something.

 

[xbiker47]

keep this thread going

 

[rellireloaded]

He had an extremely bare-bones Facebook page awhile back.  No photos or info filled out other than his name, his high school, and a community college.  I just tried to search for it again and couldn't find it.  His fiancee has one with a photo of them, but I really don't wanna put him on blast like that.

He's been in a peculiarly good mood for the past week or so.  Allegedly it stems from his fiancee doming him up, which he says is a rare treat.  I guess he took her down to the pond or something.

"Suck it".  For some reason I imagine him saying this in Napolean Dynamite voice

 

[beh235]

Lorenzo sounds a little like this guy....
View media item 147000
Keep the stories coming. I'm only on the first page and I'm like

 

[mojodmonky1]

Definitely up for post of the year. Between this and dudes wife telling him he was a nice tickle inside her.

Don't forget the one from that guy whose co-worker went to town on the company credit card at the strip club in New Orleans.

Moar info please​

didnt feel like re-typing the entire thing out but i found an old archived thread that i could copy paste from.


So there is this annual industry wide conference that I have to go to. Every year it gets hosted in a different city. One year it was in New Orleans. Even though I hate traveling for work, I was pretty excited about this trip because I had never been to New Orleans before and I love to drink, get s-faced, and have a good time. I have some co-workers that work remotely so they were flying in from different parts of the country. Coming from the home office in LA was just me and my buddy. First night in town, we ditch the conference reception ASAP and hit Bourbon with a 3rd coworker and proceed to get s-faced. Anyone thats been to Bourbon before knows the drill. You troll up and down the street going from bar to bar as you get progresively drunker. I hadnt eaten much that day since getting off the plane and I know that I'm gonna feel worse in the morning if I dont get some food so I stop and dip into one of the many pizza by the slice places to grab a quick bite. While I'm waiting for my pizza, my 3rd coworker (woman) comes in to tell me that she is going back to the hotel. I tell her to wait a sec and I'll walk her back as soon as I get my pizza. She says no need, and that she will be fine since she is familiar with the city (she used to live there). I ask where my buddy is, and she says that he is chatting up the doorman at the strip club across the street. I poke my head out to see just as he is walking into the club by himself. Awesome.

I grab my pizza and am now alone. Eff it. I decide to go to Harrahs and piss some money away before calling it a night. Eventually I end up back in the hotel room when my buddy texts me. "Still at the strip club, bad news". I reply with a stupid "hahahaha have fun, ill see you in the morning".

Wake up in the morning, head to the conference. Buddy is a no show. I call his phone. No answer. No big deal. A couple hours later, coworker from the office calls me looking for my buddy. I tell coworker that buddy is a no show but as soon as I find him, I will have him call. An hour later its another call from the office. This time its my managing partner (big boss). I lie and say that buddy is not with me but I think hes meeting with other people at the conference. I tell boss that I will have buddy call as soon as he comes back. Right as the morning session is about to end, boss calls me again and he is livid. The jig is up. Somehow, he knows that buddy no-showed. He tells me "stop whatever you are doing, and go effin find him RIGHT NOW and call me". Im blowing up my buddys phone, no answer. I go to his room and pound on the door. no answer.

I meet back up with my other coworkers who are at the conference. We decide that there is nothing we can do except wait and see when he shows up so we head to lunch. En route to lunch, my 3rd coworker gets a call from the office. Its big boss. They found my buddy. My managing partner was pissed, not because he knew that buddy no showed, but because he got a call from AMEX that morning about an irregular charge. $13,000 (+/-) charge from Lil Darlings.

We eventually make it back to the hotel and meet up with my buddy. He is distraught, in a trance like state of total depression. I ask him what happened and he just says, man i dont know. I guess he told my boss the same thing because my boss is wondering if maybe he got drugged. Boss arranged for him to go have a blood test to see if there are any drugs in his system. Mind you, its Friday afternoon, we are on the opposite side of the country, yet somehow my boss was already able to find and make arrangements for my buddy to get the drug test done. The rest of the weekend, buddy is kind of an emotional wreck so I give him some space and eventually he heads back home (i stayed an extra couple days and made a vacation out of it, not that that is pertinent to the story).

FFWD a bit. We are back home and obviously this is the big story in the office. As luck would have it, my managing partner is something of a strip club connossieur having grown up in the industry, and he happens to know the owner of the club in New Orleans (it was an old associate of his father or something). He puts a call into the owner and tells him that one of his guys got into a bit of trouble, and asks the owner to look into it to make sure that there was no funny business and that all the charges were legit.

Later in the day, I hear my buddy talking to the strip club manager, and he is asking the manager to give him an itemized statement of his charges (LOL). The manager is giving him a hard time about it. Buddy hangs up, walks into bosses office and tells him that the strip club manager is hasslin him about the charges. The two of them go back to buddys office and call the strip club back (on speaker). Its worth noting that I work in a very small office and EVERYONE can hear the phone conversation on speaker. Boss gets on the horn, explains to the strip club manager that he spoke to the owner and the owner assured him that they (the club) would be cooperative in figuring this situation out. Strip club manager finally relents, and begins with the rundown.

According to the strip club manager, buddy came into the club, hung out for a bit, then was approached by a dancer for a dance. It was a classic case of "fell in love with a stripper". After a few dances, she asked if he wanted to go to the Cristal room. He agreed. I forget the exact amounts, but it was something obscene. The minimum for the Cristal room was 1 bottle of Cristal PER HOUR @ $1,500 or something PLUS $500-1000/hr for the girl. After 1 hour, the dancer asked if she could bring a friend. Buddy agreed again. Now he was into his 2nd bottle of Cristal plus it was now double for the girls since there were 2 of them. The stripper asked if he would buy her her favorite drink and he said sure no problem. The manager informed him that in order to buy that drink, he would have to upgrade to their finest room, the Silver Krug Room which costs $6,500/hr. He agreed. It wasnt disclosed how long he was actually in the room, but the manager goes on to say that when my buddy was presented with the bill, he attempted to pay it with his card but it was denied. He then pulled out the company AMEX.

At this point my boss jumps in and says "woah woah woah, you cant just take advantage of a drunk person. They have to know what they are being charged for and what they agreed to" The manager agrees. He says that my buddy wasnt drunk by that point. In fact, he was very lucid. So lucid that he told the manager "Damn... I know I'm going to get in trouble for this, but eff it. I'm the #2 guy in my office, and I'm untouchable"

It was like a record stopping in a club. Right when we all heard that come over the speakerphone, me and the rest of my coworkers grabbed our stuff and left. I seriously thought my boss was gonna swing on my buddy for that. The best part? What my buddy said is entirely true. He is about as untouchable as an employee can possibly be, and he wasnt fired over this (just had to pay it back).

FFWD again to a week later. Things have calmed down a bit and we can all joke about it. Buddy has been getting it non-stop from everyone in the office. This is the stuff urban legends are made of. Me being the jerk friend that I am, I pile on extra hard and jokingly say that I take part of the blame since I had to leave him alone to go get that pizza. Later that week, my boss receives a fedex in the mail. Its from the strip club owner. He feels bad that my boss has to go through all this because one of his employees got into some trouble at his club. As a token of sympathy, the owner sent my boss $2,000 in strip club funny money (in $20 denominations). My boss takes the stack of funny money and goes into my buddys office. He asks my buddy "do you think you deserve any of this? Well eff you, you dont. Its mine. This is what I get for putting up with your BS". As boss is walking out of the office, the rest of us are just dying of laughter. The boss takes 2 steps outside the office, stops, turns around, and then says "sorry, that was mean." He peels off one $20 funny money bill, throws it at my buddy and says "go buy yourself a effin dance" and then walks out. Entire place explodes with laughter. To this day it was one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed.

Its probably been atleast 4-5 yrs since this happened. Both me and my boy are still here. As you can see from my post count (all of which occur on M-F between the hours of 8am-5pm PT) I have the best boss and best job in the world.

 

[Sonny Corinthos]

Before I type the rape story,

Rusty : I'm ready for the rape story

 

[water]

Before I type the rape story,

Rusty : I'm ready for the rape story

 

 

[powerballin]

Long story short. A guy worked late in the office until no one was there. He walked in the bathroom normal and exited looking like Khloe Kardashian. Dude really used the work bathroom to hop in that booth and transform into Super CrossDresser before he went to whatever place he was going to.

Security team noticed it and showed some of us.

 

[waitwut]

wait what you mean practically? the kid died or what?

oh hell yeah, he wasnt technically decapitated, but his head was completely crushed between an oxygen tank and the mri machine.

:x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x


that **** mustve looked nasty in there what happen to the nurse after?

 

[RustyShackleford]

Ok brahs there is the “rape” story. Bare with me because it I gotta set up the event because if just told you guys what went down, you probably won't believe me. Sorry for it being so long

Here is the background, sets up what happened in the store.

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

I was working at a Office Depot in VA. I lived in Maryland and it was a 1-1.5 hour commute but I was getting paid $5 more an hour that what I was getting at my previous job so I took it and made the drive.

One afternoon I met this older black lady, cool lady, real funny, cursed a lot. I sold her a computer table , printer, and some other **** for her home offide. She wanted to save money on delivery cost, so me being the hustler that I am I said I'll take bring your **** to your after work house for half the delivery and assembly cost (since it was on my way home, but doing this was a major no-no. I could get fired for such acts). I told her to keep it on the hush. She agreed on the condition that she drove my car to her house and I drive her's after work, I agreed. I was all about making money, any money, back then.

Now after work I drive to the house, nice townhouse. I take the stuff out my car, and put together the computer desk. Now homegirl sees I'm handy so she starts pointing **** out she wants fixed in her house. That leads so us making an arrangement that I would come by ever Tuesday to fix ****. She would pay me $80 every time I showed up. Now thinking back that was a ****** deal for her. It was always around a hour-hour and a half of work, and it was basic handy man or fixing computer stuff.

This arrangement does on for weeks, every Tuesday. One Friday night I had to drop of a shredder at her house. It was like 12 am when I got to her house and I had to be back at work for 8 the next morning. In pasting I tell her I going to stay at a motel for the night to save myself losing the 3 hours of sleep. She insist I crash on the couch. I say nah at first but I was dead tired, so I agreed. It becomes the usual thing, leave work Friday, sleep over, go to work early Saturday.

This is where the relationship takes a turn. She was always touchy feely but I always framed our friendship and either business or mother- son type thing to her. She would always make sex jokes, but nothing really bad. But now I was constantly hearing **** about how wild she was in her day. She even told me a story of how she meet Bill Clinton at a fundraiser diner, and Bill split the game so proper she offer to top him off in the back. She said Bills first reply was “Where's Hill, oh she's right there, not tonight”. Slick Willy . Homegirl was 59 but look good for her age, and up until menopause, she was bad as ****. I saw pics of her in her 40s, sexy and fuark.

Overtime her sleep clothes transform. First from pajamas, then it turns into her just wearing a wife beater (no bra) and panties to bed. Once again I was seeing that I was cleared for landing but there was no way I was landing my jet on that beat up old runway. During this time I started to holla at this sexy *** Ethiopian chick working at Bestbuy. After a while, we were smashing on the regular, so the routine turns into leave work on Friday night, drop my Ethiopian chick home, smash her, go to the old lady's house, and crash for the night. Ole girl didn't find out I was smashing the young thing until one night she saw the condoms on the coffee table and I might of thought tonight was the night. And since I damn sure didn't try anything with her, she put two and two together.

So time goes by the old lady is feeding me, paying me big money for really mostly my company (see worked from home), walking around half naked in front of me, telling me how much she miss her youth when she would run through dudes left and right and opening up her home to me. And I don't give her the one thing she wants, some D. And to throw salt in the wound I don't sleep there all the time after a while, half the time I sleep at the Ethiopian chick's house.

Now the grand finale. The store manager was my homeboy so he hooked up my schedule and pay rate. He gets transferred, and the new boss has me on some BS, so I decide to quit. I don't tell ole girl until my very last day at the job, a Friday night. I tell her I'm not coming over cause I quit and I don't have to come in on the Saturday morning, and I ain't gonna be making those Tuesday runs anymore. She gets pissed, and starts giving me attitude for not telling her earlier. Anyway she had bought a big office desk because the last one broke, plus some other furniture. I told her I would pay for delivery and assembly for her, but she instead comes to the store with a pick up truck, demanding her stuff. We talk, she calms down, and I think everything is cool.

Now her **** is in the stock room, which is now filled with pallets because deliveries got backlogged. I gotta grab multiple heavy pieces of furniture all by myself since the store is a little busy. So I'm back there struggling, climb metal shelves (like the ones in Home Depot) to get all her stuff. She demands everything right now because if I don't she'll tell the store manager I've been delivering **** for her which is technically stealing. And I know the ***** *** security guard would file charges on me, so I'm a little shook. Also the old lady been pretty good to me, so I'm working like a slave to get her merchandise.

I get almost everything except one box. I can't get it from the front so I try the back of the rack. Now there are two huge steel metal racks (going up to the ceiling) back to back, will a space in between. At one en the is another huge metal rack closing off one end. So it is like a narrow hallway with a dead end. For the life of me I can't get the last box. I tell ole girl, she gets pissed, she says she wants the damn thing. I say come see for yourself. Now we are not suppose to bring customers to the stock room but I don't care at this point and I want to shut this woman up.

So we are back there, I show her the box. She says I need to find a way. She starts climbing rack, I'm trying to stop her, and pull her down off the rack. She was wearing a skirt to and it was getting hiked up with her trying to get the last box. I dunno if it was my hands being on her but ole girl started to get hot. Started bending over down in front of me, trying to rub up against me in the narrow space. Mine you there is **** all in this walk space like crates of sodas and misc. crap. So I don't want her getting hurt and me causing a lawsuit on my last day. Finally she breaks a nail, and notices she got dust all over herself, so she says she is going to the bathroom. I tell stay outside the stockroom, I'll find away, just don't come back there again, I got it.

While she is gone I notice that there is a duplicate of the box I'm trying to get on the ground, under the rack. So I'm on my knees pulling the box when I get a tap on my shoulder. Ole girl was back, she had forgot her high heels back there and came back for them. I noticed she wasn't wearing her pantyhose anymore but didn't think anything of it. So as I'm pulling the box and we're talking. I'm apologizing for not being able to help her around her house anymore, and she is saying she'll miss me. Enitre time I'm looking straight down. All of a sudden Ole girl tells me something like “I cut my knee, look”, so I think of “Damn!” and look up. This bish got her leg propped up on a box, legs wide open, no panties on. Brahs the yambs are fully exposed, and dem thangs were past expiration date :x

So I'm like “damn”, and quickly look away. But curiosity killed the cat and I look back out the corner of my eye. Real talk her box looked like Jabba the Hun flipped sideways. That box was beaten word to Rahzel. If I had to compare the yambs to a pair of shoes, it's like the pair of kicks your dad uses to cut the lawn, it was in that sort of condition. The thing was such a sight I lost myself, and was steering straight on at it for a couple seconds. When I finally caught myself I acted like nothing happened and now I just wanted to get outta there. Ole girl was giving zero dambs at this point, talking that “like what you see...” talk. I wanted out, so I pull the box out, hoisted it up into my arms so that I'm cradling it with two arms. It is so big I can't see forward, I can only look down at the down to try and navigate outta the walk space.

When I said, “ok I got the box, I'm out”. Ole girl must haved snapped, she knew this was the last time she would see me and her last chance at the D, so she took it. All of a sudden I feel her hands undo my belt and she grabs a fist full of penor. I mean homegirl got my balls and shaft in a vice grip. I got this heavy *** box holding so all I can do is tell her to stop and do the Di*K Slang Dance in an attempt to free myself. Now I won't lie, I dunno if was because I was a horny *** 20 year old or she sprinkled something of my D but my general started to salute. This made her even more turned on. Before you know it I felt a cool breeze on my tip, my schlong is now fully whipped out. The Di*k slang ain't working, she's holding on for dear life.

After a couple seconds I feel her start stroking it, I say “Hell Naw” and do the only thing I could think of. I dropped the box. BIG MISTAKE. My penor was positioned in such a way that while it made her let go, the box caught a lot of my shaft. Bending it down and making it recoil gliding along the box on it's way up. So the shaft got hit, then the tip got a small friction burn on the recoil up the box. Also my penor is now cover in dust from the box. I instantly drop down to the floor gripping Lil Rusty in pain and trying to dust off the shaft.

You would think she would be done but Nahhhhhh. She then pulls up her skirt and mounts me like her name is GSP, and while doing she pins both my arms between my legs. She is trying to kiss me and I'm cursing at this chick to get off me. I didn't want to shout because I didn't want to be found back there, penor out, with an old chick with no draws on straddling me. So did the only thing you do when someone is pinning you down and your hands aren't free, I buck like crazy. So start bucking like I'm one of those bulls of ESPN2, trying to get the bish off of me, but her top control was on point. Now it looks even worse because it really looks like we are smashing from a far. This lady was riding me like X-Pac. Furthermore this lady is telling me is to stop being a lil btich, and I know I want it.

With the bucking my penor started to get a little firm again. I mean, forgive him lord, for lil Rusty does not know what he does. With that situation I start to feels the inside of her thighs on Lil Rusty and I might have grazed the box a couple times. It feels like my dong was rubbing against a Brillo Pad. :x And I'm scared that it might slip in, it's a long shot but I've hit 3 one in holes in my lifetime (by age 20 ) so I knew I was good and making impossible shots happen. Thankfully finally I get a hand loose, push her away and execute Brazilian Jiu-jitsu hip escape and get free. I tuck Lil Rusty away and run outta there straight into the break room. Luckily no one was in there because I immediately start washing my D in the sink, used Ivory dish washing liquid and everything. Trying to get off the dust and spoiled yamb juice. :x

I waited in the break room for like half and hour too. Didn't want to face my attacker. She got another dude to get her ****, and was waiting in the parking lot for me. I didn't even go to my car that night, took the metro all the way back to MD, came back in the morning and to pick up my car. Found and apology letter from the her. I called her that morning for me to pick up my **** from her house (some work clothes, tools and pair of shoes), and had her put in on the sidewalk for me. She left a second letter in the shoes talking about on second thought she not sorry, I lead her on. I got several phones from her afterwards, always leaving messages offering up the yambs and some top whenever I wanted.

One night I was stuck in VA and I called her desperate . After talks we which a CBA, that for me to get a ride and to sleep over I had to make out with her and get domed up. Thankfully my homeboy made the trek from B-More to all the way to VA, and scooped me at the final hour. I buy the same dude COD every year as a show of appreciate for what he saved me from that night.

TL;DR
-Meet old black chick at job
-Start doing odds jobs for her, and crashing at her place one night a week
-She fiends for some D
-I never give it to her
-Suddenly quit and tell her we'll never see each over again
-She goes Roethlisberger on me
-Trys to forcibly take the D

 

[mmg]

SON




shouldve just got that awesome jawsome broseph

 

[ooiron manoo]

Wait after all that you called her to make out and get domed....

View media item 147382

 

[blakep267]

Spoiler

Ok brahs there is the “rape” story. Bare with me because it I gotta set up the event because if just told you guys what went down, you probably won't believe me. Sorry for it being so long
Here is the background, sets up what happened in the store.

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

I was working at a Office Depot in VA. I lived in Maryland and it was a 1-1.5 hour commute but I was getting paid $5 more an hour that what I was getting at my previous job so I took it and made the drive.
One afternoon I met this older black lady, cool lady, real funny, cursed a lot. I sold her a computer table , printer, and some other **** for her home offide. She wanted to save on delivery cost so Me being the hustler I am I said I'll take bring your **** to your after work house for half the delivery and assmebly cost (since it was on my way home, but doing this was a major no-no. I could get fired for such acts). I told her to keep it on the hush, she agreed on the condition she drove my car to her house and I drive hers after work. I agreed. I was all about making money, any money back then.
Now after work I drive to the house, nice townhouse. I take the stuff out my car, put together a computer desk. Then homegirl sees I'm handy so she starts pointing **** out she wants fixed in her house. So we make an arrangement that I would come by ever Tuesday to fix ****. She would pay me $80 every time I showed up. Now thinking back that was a ****** deal for her. It was always around a hour-hour half of work. And it was basic handy man or fixing computer stuff.
This arrangement does on for weeks, every Tuesday. One Friday night I had to drop of a shredder at her house. It was like 12 am when I got to her house and I had to be back at work for 8 the next morning. In pasting I tell her I going to stay at a motel for the night to save myself losing the 3 hours of sleep. She insist I crash on the couch. I say nah at first but I was dead tired, so I agreed. It becomes the usual thing, leave work Friday, sleep over, go to work early Saturday.
This is where the relationship takes a turn. She was always touchy feely but I always framed out friendship and either business or mother- son. Now she would always make sex jokes, but nothing really bad. But now I was constantly hearing **** about how wild she was in her day. She even told me a story of how she meet Bill Clinton at a fundraiser diner, and Bill split the game so proper she offer to top him off in the back. She said Bills first reply was “Where's Hill, oh she's right there, not tonight”. Slick Willy . Homegirl was 59 but look good for her age, and up until menopause, she was bad as ****. I saw pics of her in her 40s, sexy and fuark.
Overtime her sleep clothes transform. First from pajamas to just wearing a wife beater (no bra) and panties to bed. Once again I was seeing that I was cleared for landing but there was no way I was landing my jet on that beat up old runway. During this time I started to holla at this sexy *** Ethiopian chick working at Bestbuy. After a while, we were smashing on the regular, so the routine turns into leave work on Friday night, drop my Ethiopian chick home, smash her, go to the old lady's house, and crash for the night. Ole girl didn't find out I was smashing the young thing until one night she saw the condoms on the coffee table and I might of thought tonight was the night. And since I damn sure didn't try anything with her, she put two and two together.
So time goes by the old lady is feeding me, paying me big money for really mostly my company (see worked from home), walking around half naked in front of me, telling me how much she miss her youth when she would run through dudes left and right and opening up her home to me. And I don't give her the one thing she wants, some D. And to throw salt in the wound I don't sleep there all he time, half the time I sleep at the Ethiopian chicks house.

Now the grand finale. The store manager was my homeboy so he hooked up my schedule and pay rate. He gets transferred, and the new boss has me on some BS, so I decide to quit. I don't tell ole girl until my very last day at the job, a Friday night. I tell her I'm not coming over cause I quit and I don't have to come in on the Saturday morning, and I ain't gonna be making those Tuesday runs anymore. She gets pissed, and starts giving me attitude for not telling her earlier. Anyway she had bought a big office desk because the last one broke, plus some other furniture. I told her I would pay for delivery and assembly for her, but she instead comes to the store with a pick up truck, demanding her stuff. We talk, she calms down, and I think everything is cool.
Now her **** is in the stock room, which is now filled with pallets because deliveries got backlogged. I gotta grab multiple heavy pieces all by myself since the store is a little busy. So I'm back there struggling, climb metal shelves (like the ones in Home Depot) to get all her stuff. She demands everything right now because if I don't she'll tell the store manager I've been delivering **** for her which is technically stealing. And I know the ***** *** security guard would file charges on me, so I'm a little shook. Also the old lady been pretty good to me, so I working like a slave to get her merchandise.
I get almost everything except one box. I can't get it from the front so I try the back of the rack. Now there are two huge steel metal racks (going up to the ceiling) back to back, will a space in between. At one en the is another huge metal rack closing off one end. So it is like a narrow hallway with a dead end. For the life of me I can't get the last box. I tell ole girl, she gets pissed, she says she wants the damn thing. I say come see for yourself. Now we are not suppose to bring customers to the stock room but I don't care at this point and I want to shut this woman up.
So we are back there, I show her the box. She says I need to find a way. She starts climbing rack, I'm trying to stop her, and pull her down off the rack. She was wearing a skirt to and it was getting hiked up with her trying to get the last box. I dunno if it was my hands being on her but ole girl started to get hot. Started bending over down in front of me, trying to rub up against me in the narrow space. Mine you there is **** all in this walk space like crates of sodas and misc. crap. So I don't want her getting hurt and me causing a lawsuit on my last day. Finally she breaks a nail, and notices she got dust all over herself, so she says she is going to the bathroom. I tell stay outside the stockroom, I'll find away, just don't come back there, I got it.
While she is gone I notice that there is a duplicate of the box I'm trying to get on the ground, under the rack. So I'm on my knees pulling the box when I get a tap on my shoulder. Ole girl was back, she had forgot her high heels back there and came back for them. I noticed she wasn't wearing her pantyhose anymore but didn't think anything of it. So as I'm pulling the box and we're talking. I'm apologizing for not being able to help her around her house anymore, and she is saying she'll miss me. Hold time I'm looking straight down. All of a sudden Ole girl this lady tells me something like “I cut my knee, look”, so I think of “****!” and look up. This bish got her leg propped up on a box, legs wide open, no panties on. Brahs the yambs are fully exposed, and dem thangs were past expiration date :x
So I'm like “damn”, and quickly look away. But curiosity killed the cat and I look back out the corner of my eye. Real talk her box looked like Jabba the Hun flipped sideways. That box was beaten word to Rahzel. If I had to compare the yambs to a pair of shoes, it's like the pair of kicks your dad uses to cut the lawn, it was in that sort of condition. The thing was such a sight I lost myself, and was steering straight on at it for a couple seconds. When I finally caught myself I acted like nothing happened and I just wanted to get outta there. Ole girl was giving zero dambs at this point, talking that “like what you see...” talk. I wanted out, so I pull the box out, hoisted it up into my arms so that I'm cradling it with two arms. It is so big I can't see forward, I can only look down at the down to try and navigate outta the walk space.
When I said, “ok I got the box, I'm out”. Ole must have snapped, she knew this was the last time she would see me and her last chance at the D, so she took it. All of a sudden I feel her hands undo my belt and she grabs a fi****l of penor. I mean homegirl got my balls and shaft in a vice grip. I got this heavy *** box holding so all I can do is tell her to stop and do the **** Slang Dance in an attemt to free myself. Now I won't lie, I dunno if was because I was a horny *** 20 year old or she sprinkled something of my D but my general started to salute. This made her even more turned on. Before you know it I felt a cool breeze on my tip, my schlong is now fully whipped out. The **** slang ain't working, she's holding on for dear life.
After a couple seconds I feel her start stroking it, I say “Hell Naw” and do the only thing I could think out. I dropped the box. BIG MISTAKE. My penor was positioned in such a way that while it made her let go, the box caught a lot of my shaft. Bending it down and making it recoil gliding along the box on it's way up. So the shaft got hit, then the tip got a small friction burn on the recoil up the box. Also my penor is now cover in dust from the box. I instantly drop down to the floor gripping Lil Rusty in pain and trying to dust it off the shaft.
You would think she would be done but Nahhhhhh. She then pulls up her skirt and mounts me like her name is GSP, and while doing she pins both my arms between my legs. She is trying to kiss me and I'm cursing at this chick to get off me. I didn't want to shout because I didn't want to be found back there, penor out, with an old chick with no draws on straddling me. So did the only thing you do when someone is pinning you down and your hands aren't free, I buck like crazy. So start bucking like I'm one of those bulls of ESPN2 trying to get the bish off of me, but her top control was on point. Now it looks even worse because it really looks like we are smashing from a far. This lady was riding me like X-Pac. Furthermore this lady is telling me is to stop being a lil btich, and I know I want it.
With the bucking my penor started to get a little firm again. I mean, forgive him lord, for lil Rusty does not know what he does. With that situation I start to feels the inside of her thighs on Lil Rusty and I might have grazed the box a couple times. **** feel like a Brillo Pad. :x And I'm scared that it might slip in, it's a long shot but I've hit 3 one in holes in my lifetime (by age 20 ) so I knew I was good and making impossible shots happen. Thankfully finally I get a hand loose, push her away and execute Brazilian Jiu-jitsu hip escape and get free. I tuck Lil Rusty away and run outta there straight into the break room. Luckily no one was in there because I immediately start washing my D in the sink, used Ivory dish washing liquid and everything. Trying to get off the dust and spoiled yamb juice. :x
I waited in the break room for like half and hour too. Didn't want to face my attacker. She got another dude to get her ****, and was waiting in the parking lot for me. I didn't even go to my car that night, took the metro all the way back to MD, came back in the morning and to pick up my car. Found and apology letter from the her I called her that morning for me to pick up my **** (some work clothes, tools and pair of shoes), and had her put in on the sidewalk. She left a second letter in the shoes talking about on second thought she not sorry, I lead her on. I got several phones from her afterwards, always leaving messages offering up the yambs and some top whenever I wanted.
One night I was stuck in VA and I called her desperate , after talks we which a CBA that for me to get a ride and to sleep over, I had to make out with her and get domed up. Thankfully my homeboy made the trek from B-More to all the way to VA, and scooped me at the final hour. I buy the same dude COD every year as a show of appreciate for what he saved me from that night.
TL;DR
-Meet old black chick at job
-Start doing odds jobs for her, and crashing at her place one night a week
-She fiends for some D
-I never give it to her
-Suddenly quit and tell her we'll never see each over again
-She goes Roethlisberger on me
-Trys to forcibly take the D

you shouldve just did it. You said she looked good for her age