Nonbelievers who have told their religious parents that they don't believe enter

[iYen]

After 9 years of doubting religion, I finally told my very religious dad that I don't believe in what he believes.
I was making oatmeal and my dad walks in the house.
I knew he had been at church.
On sundays, my dad is always subtly trying to get my to go to church, which almost never happens.
Mind you, from 2006 to now, I don't think I can count how many times I've been to church on both hands.
On the church service for christmas, I was very adamant on not going.
I think that's what sparked his flame for trying to get me to go to church.
I'm assuming that his new year's revolution was to get me to go to church because he started talking about how I'm going to start serving god, going to church, etc.
Here's the start of the conversation with my dad.
Me: That's not my decision.
Dad: What, I don't understand.
Me: It's not my decision to serve god, go to church or do any of that stuff. Those are all your decisions not mine.
About 30min. go by and he walks into my room talking about how much god has done for him.
I have and still am VERY appreciative of the things my dad has done for me.
Each and every time he does something for me no matter how little or how big, I express my gratitude to him.
I don't think he's okay with that, he wants me to express my gratitude to god, that's not happening.
Me: You deserve the gratitude much more than god does.
Dad: Don't thank me, thank god.
By the end of the conversation, I had told him that I don't need to praise god, go to church, etc.
He said, you're old enough to make your own decisions and I'm fine with where ever those decisions lead you, but don't come back asking for my help.
After that he walks out of my room.
I don't know where to go from here.
I know in the future this conversation will be brought up again.
Who else has had to have this type of conversation with their parents?

tl;dr
Told my dad I don't believe in what he believes.
Goes on rant about how much god has done for him.
I say I'm not cool with you imposing what you believe onto my life.
Conversation ends with him saying go on whatever path in life you choose but don't come back asking for my help.
Who else has gone through this?

 

[juiceesquire]

Religion thread?

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler [+]

Spoiler

didn't read

-The Juice

 

[donpoppa]

if you have other really religious family members they will try to give you the talk too. 

 

[kiendienn]

Originally Posted by iYen

After 9 years of doubting religion, I finally told my very religious dad that I don't believe in what he believes.
I was making oatmeal and my dad walks in the house.
I knew he had been at church.
On sundays, my dad is always subtly trying to get my to go to church, which almost never happens.
Mind you, from 2006 to now, I don't think I can count how many times I've been to church on both hands.
On the church service for christmas, I was very adamant on not going.
I think that's what sparked his flame for trying to get me to go to church.
I'm assuming that his new year's revolution was to get me to go to church because he started talking about how I'm going to start serving god, going to church, etc.
Here's the start of the conversation with my dad.
Me: That's not my decision.
Dad: What, I don't understand.
Me: It's not my decision to serve god, go to church or do any of that stuff. Those are all your decisions not mine.
About 30min. go by and he walks into my room talking about how much god has done for him.
I have and still am VERY appreciative of the things my dad has done for me.
Each and every time he does something for me no matter how little or how big, I express my gratitude to him.
I don't think he's okay with that, he wants me to express my gratitude to god, that's not happening.
Me: You deserve the gratitude much more than god does.
Dad: Don't thank me, thank god.
By the end of the conversation, I had told him that I don't need to praise god, go to church, etc.
He said, you're old enough to make your own decisions and I'm fine with where ever those decisions lead you, but don't come back asking for my help.
After that he walks out of my room.
I don't know where to go from here.
I know in the future this conversation will be brought up again.
Who else has had to have this type of conversation with their parents?

tl;dr
Told my dad I don't believe in what he believes.
Goes on rant about how much god has done for him.
I say I'm not cool with you imposing what you believe onto my life.
Conversation ends with him saying go on whatever path in life you choose but don't come back asking for my help.
Who else has gone through this?

At least he's open-minded enough to respect your decision, I would just leave it at that.  Both parties know their stance; I would try to avoid speaking on philosophies and beliefs on religion, nothing good ever comes out of it.
If it comes down to it, dependent on your age, just go with the argument: I'm old enough to make my own decisions, I respect your beliefs the same way I can hope you respect mine.

Just be mature about it and don't bother proving the other side wrong.

 

[rusty shackelford]

I cant wait for silly putty's size 300 font response

 

[je ne sais quoi]

My parents will never know.
You could say that I'm being/living dishonest, but I don't care.
I love my parents so much that I'd save them from worrying over a matter I, myself, don't care about.

 

[tr1ll]

Originally Posted by Rusty Shackelford

I cant wait for silly putty's size 300 font response

I wouldn't be too shocked if he skipped this one...

 

[kanyewestjayz4life]

Im the same way with my dad, he doesnt know what i believe, but im pretty sure hes aware that i could believe in something else. He once told me "I dont know who you serve but we serve the lord in this house"

Theres no way im telling him what i believe until i move out. Which is in a few months, and im not just going to call him and be like "blah blah" i will only tell him if he ask or it comes up.

I have a great father and i respect him, but its crazy how distant ones views are, and how it can make for a non existent relationship.

 

[AZwildcats]

I have a Cameroonian friend who was disowned by his pops for doing this. Pops refuses to even acknowledge his existence and always says he failed somewhere along the line. My buddy always said if he could do it again, he would of just said nothing about the matter

 

[Kobekobe]

my parents know, my mom just said not to tell my grandparents or my little brother

no argument in this house.

 

[iYen]

Originally Posted by donpoppa

if you have other really religious family members they will try to give you the talk too. 

Nope, my dad's the only one.
My mom believes but not as much as my dad.
She doesn't even go to church, in fact the only person that goes to church in my family is my dad.
The question that keeps her from that is this "why would god create people that don't believe in him and send them to hell?"

Originally Posted by kiendienn

At least he's open-minded enough to respect your decision, I would just leave it at that.  Both parties know their stance; I would try to avoid speaking on philosophies and beliefs on religion, nothing good ever comes out of it.
If it comes down to it, dependent on your age, just go with the argument: I'm old enough to make my own decisions, I respect your beliefs the same way I can hope you respect mine.

Just be mature about it and don't bother proving the other side wrong.

Thanks for the insight bro.

 

[galvelocity]

My whole family is somewhat religious and I'm an atheist. Like dude above I just didn't say anything until it came up. When it did, I just said I didn't believe in religion or god anymore and I hope my decision didn't offend them. Luckily for me I have super tolerant parents who support me in everything and while they don't really understand how I can't believe in a god they're super nice about it. I study religion in my spare time, because I like to stay very well informed so no one can accuse me of ignorance in the matter. (I also attended catholic school until university). It's kind of funny because whenever someone has a question about religion everyone defaults to asking me because I usually know the most about it.

In addition, my boyfriend is religious and he and I get along fine. Just make sure you don't force your beliefs on anyone and you're good! That way you can ask the same courtesy from them.

Cliffs: now that your dad knows, just drop it. Don't try to change his thinking. If he tries to get in your face about it, just say 'I'm sorry you don't agree with my decision, but I'm an adult capable of doing my own thinking. Thanks for your concern though'Edit: sorry about the formatting I'm on my phone.

 

[sillyputty]

I've been VERY subtle doing this by slightly trolling my dad about it when I see him. Hes more open minded about stuff like this than my mom. I'm sure hes agnostic at this point. Combined with the fact that hes not from the US and hes aware of how governments lie, etc., he is naturally very skeptical...which is a good thing.

My mom is religious more for the sake of community than anything from what I've seen at this point.

My sister is religious because it serves her narcissism

I STRONGLY advise people not to do this until they are financially independent because it would be incredibly sad to be disowned or mistreated over something so stupid.


My thing is, if you've managed to suck it up for SO LONG...just keep on doing so until you're on your own.

I've personally seen people go through some ridiculous things for not being religious that could have been avoided if they decided to keep it to themselves.
If your parents are open minded enough and up for a discussion, try trading books with them. "I'll read this if you read that" type of thing. Just so you all can come to a better understanding of where you all stand.

This is the last thing you need to happen to you when you decide to reveal that you don't believe in god in some house-holds...(From "A Raisin in the Sun")�Langston Hughes was an atheist, FYI
��

 

 

[blackxme]

My parents are open minded enough to respect my decision, in their view who the hell cares what I believe as long
as I'm a decent son, which they think I have been. My parents love me enough to push aside their beliefs and accept
that I don't believe in God, which is almost amazing given the fact that they are Mexican and we are known for our
religiosity.  It's nice to know that my parents favor me over their beliefs.

But I'd follow some of the advice already given, it's not an easy subject to ever approach with parents. But you have to
make them understand that you have your reasons for your lack of belief and that you aren't any different from them.
A lack of belief doesn't make you any less of a person than they are. I told my parents that I respect their choice to believe in a
higher power but that I wanted the same courtesy in regards to my lack of belief.

 

[hankmoody]

Don't know what happened here... Look below.

 

[hankmoody]

You should have approached this conversation in a more respectful and thoughtful manner. Say you understand how much religion has done for your Dad but that you just don't have the impetus to believe right now. Say you are a person in transition and growing every day. Say the more you find out about the world, the less you believe. But, leave the door open. Say there might be a day I could believe but that day just isn't today. That will give your father some peace, knowing that you are on a very personal journey. Keep emphasizing the openness of your mind.

By giving a finality to your opinion, you are completely disrespecting his and for absolutely no reason. We are young. No point in ideologically boxing ourselves in.

 

[nikeairforce1]

First, explain to your dad why you don't believe in God. The "problem of evil" is a good one. It shows that you're not just immoral or amoral which is what I think your dad cares about most.

You can then bring up Pascal's Wager and it holes. Explain that out of the thousands of possible gods, how does your dad know that he believes in the right one? If your dad is Christian and says there is only one god, point out the bible says there are
other gods. Get him to admit possibility of multiple gods. Say that if there was a god, you would hope that it understood why you couldn't believe in it. Say that if there was a god, you would hope it would still reward you for living a good life.

 

[rusty shackelford]

Originally Posted by Tr1ll

Originally Posted by Rusty Shackelford

I cant wait for silly putty's size 300 font response

I wouldn't be too shocked if he skipped this one...

 

[persiafly]

My ex emailed my mom and told her I didn't believe in god. My mom is a very religious person and didn't really have any idea what my beliefs were.

All I can do about this is

now.

 

[antidope]

Originally Posted by Rusty Shackelford

Originally Posted by Tr1ll

Originally Posted by Rusty Shackelford

I cant wait for silly putty's size 300 font response

I wouldn't be too shocked if he skipped this one...

 

[scientific method]

Why should he have to go through all of that and care about the feelings of believers being hurt by his nonbelief when nobody has to do the same for him, nor can really come up with more to "justify" their belief than being raised that way and meaningless, overdone, cliches of "look at everything God has done for me, been with me every step of the way," nonsense.

 

[kiendienn]

Originally Posted by PersiaFly

My ex emailed my mom and told her I didn't believe in god. My mom is a very religious person and didn't really have any idea what my beliefs were.

All I can do about this is

now.

Approach your mom about it.  "Please don't believe anything that atheist heathen says, may God change her path and save her soul *sign of the cross*"  /Back in moms good graces 

 

[persiafly]

Originally Posted by kiendienn

Originally Posted by PersiaFly

My ex emailed my mom and told her I didn't believe in god. My mom is a very religious person and didn't really have any idea what my beliefs were.

All I can do about this is

now.

Approach your mom about it.  "Please don't believe anything that atheist heathen says, may God change her path and save her soul *sign of the cross*"  /Back in moms good graces 

 She definitely did more damage to her own rep than mine. When you throw low blows spectators are gonna notice. 

 

[shoefreakbaby]

Originally Posted by Scientific Method

Why should he have to go through all of that and care about the feelings of believers being hurt by his nonbelief when nobody has to do the same for him, nor can really come up with more to "justify" their belief than being raised that way and meaningless, overdone, cliches of "look at everything God has done for me, been with me every step of the way," nonsense.

uhhh because the believer is his dad and he loves him?

 

[hankmoody]

Originally Posted by Scientific Method

Why should he have to go through all of that and care about the feelings of believers being hurt by his nonbelief when nobody has to do the same for him, nor can really come up with more to "justify" their belief than being raised that way and meaningless, overdone, cliches of "look at everything God has done for me, been with me every step of the way," nonsense.

It's called being an adult and having a civil conversation. Being that disrespectful to anyone in any walk of life is not productive at all. 
"Dad, your life? Completely meaningless and terrible. What's for dinner, by the way? "

You don't care about anyone's feelings? That's great. How's that working out for you, if I may ask?